


Change of plans

by smyonlyone



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bullying, Eventual Smut, M/M, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2018-11-30 13:26:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 59,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11464521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smyonlyone/pseuds/smyonlyone
Summary: The Bech Næsheims and the Valtersens have been business partners for years. In order to make their ties even stronger they decide to matchmake their eldest children - Even and Lea during the first common family dinner. Lea is so gone for Even and it's painfully obvious to anyone who has eyes. But all Even can think of is her younger brother, scared, lost in his fears and blushing right in front of him.Even starts to pay the Valtersens quite frequent visits. Parents are delighted to see their plan work. Little do they know.Bipolar / Social Anxiety AU absolutely no one asked for. I'm sorry for this.





	1. Baby deer

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! So... I'm writing my first fic in English. I love AO3 and this fandom and all of you. Please be kind to me. But feel free to correct my mistakes. I'm not a native speaker and I cannot feel all subtleties of the language :)
> 
> Enjoy ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have edited the chapter, so some sentences might seem different, but it by no means changed the plot. 
> 
> Even sees Isak for the first time and feels something for the first time too.

Even was going to protest but his mother raised her hands and shook her head: a gesture that demanded no objection.

'You are not getting married, Even. We just want you to meet her. She is a wonderful girl and I'm sure you'll like her. Everybody likes her,' His mother shrugged slightly, showing that it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Yeah, sure. And he was supposed to like her as well. As if he had any other choice. His parents were definitely going to chatter about her all the time until he was convinced that he needed to meet her himself. Well, that particular manipulation was being played by one of his dearest parents right at this actual moment.

Oh, God help him. He needed to be careful enough not to upset his loving parents by telling them there was no chance such kind of relationship could exist, and not to give the girl any hope for future encounters at the same time. And if he succeeded, they could officially call him the smoothest guy on planet Earth.

'Fine. But I'm assuming this means I'll get that brand new camera you promised me for Christmas.'

She rolled her eyes and smiled.

'Deal. We will keep the promise. Thank you, baby.' She kissed him on the cheek and poked him on the nose playfully. 'Be home tomorrow at 6. Your father will drive us there.'

Even nodded and tried to restrain from rolling his eyes back. And when she left the kitchen, he shouted loudly, knowing that she heard him, 'Anything for you! And for Canon 77D, of course!'

***

'Hey, dad.' Even gave him a quick hug.

'How are you doing, son? Everything alright?' He smiled and put his hand over Even's shoulders, giving him a kiss on the temple. Even loved when Dad was in a good mood and became touchy and willing to give his son desired attention. Even craved his father's attention. Because his Dad had always been incredibly busy since his early childhood and Even had been constantly left with nannies and housemaids. He appreciated everything his Dad had earned by working days and nights but sometimes he wondered if he would have been happier without so much money but with his father by his side.

He sat in the back seat letting his parents small talk and exchange kisses in the front. They were a happy couple, which loved and cherished each other, which appreciated their life and their only son. They pampered each other in love and care and did the same thing with Even. The boy considered himself very lucky.

And he didn't need a girlfriend. He was OK by himself. In solitude. Alone.

Because he didn't feel lonely despite never feeling the true love. He had had girlfriends before, one in high school and a couple in university but it had never been something special. Never something like what his parents had. And that's what he was waiting for. The very very special someone. Someone who would make him complete like a missing puzzle. He didn't want to waste time and money on a person he never truly cared for.

He didn't need sex. Well, at least not that kind of sex which you have just to get off. The useless, plain, primal sex.

He was fine. He had never been particularly insatiable in that sense, and of course, sometimes his body asked for attention but it was fine, again. He was more than just a horny young man's body. He was far more than that.

They arrived at a broad driveway and stopped near the hugest gates Even had ever seen. They were as high as mountains and didn't leave a chance for a stranger to get a peak inside. Did they need that much privacy? Even was not sure how rich their parents' friends-slash-business-partners were, and he was utterly shocked when the gates opened and they saw a giant mansion shining blindingly in the afternoon sunlight.

Even almost cursed under his breath, because he had definitely seen something like that in one MTV program about spoiled American teenagers. The only thing those teenagers did with their lives was spending huge amounts of money, getting drunk and high, having loads of sex and asking their parents for even more money and gifts. Little spoiled brats.

Even most definitely was not a biased person, but the upcoming dinner did not seem promising at all. He was already imagining a young girl, neat from head to toe, educated and nice but also demanding a lot of attention and money. Even was quite rich, his father owned a fashion retail business chain across Norway, but they had never been as rich as these Valtersens. He felt like he was on a set of some movie based on Jane Austen's book. And whoever that Lea girl was, she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Which led to the conclusion that he was definitely not going to like her.

When they approached the stairs leading to the house's entrance, a tall man walked out of the front door. He smiled brightly and took a quick step towards the guests. He was pale, with curly blond hair framing his handsome and graciously aged face, his sharp features and his aristocratic posture with the help of the posh surroundings made him look like some Brittish royalty. He was in his mid fourties and had a warm smile which lit up his whole face.

'Evening, Steven! I'm so glad you finally made it here. And Sara! Welcome!' The man grasped their hands and shook them slightly. After a couple of polite questions about their trip, he turned towards Even and raised his brows curiously.

'Well, well, young man, look at you. Steven has told me you are handsome, but he clearly was just being modest.' The man reached out and shook Even's hand too. 'Have you ever considered modeling by any chance? Our company is always looking for new fresh faces,' He smiled.

Even blushed at the compliment. 'Erm, yeah.' He mumbled. 'I did a shoot once for my father's clothing brand. But I'm not sure if I want to be a model professionally. Too much pressure.'

The man smiled again. 'Well, no pressure here, Even. You can do lots of things while you're still young. And then decide.' The man finally let go of his hand and waved his hand towards the house as an inviting gesture. 'I think it's time to go inside and eat. How does that sound?'

'Sounds perfect' Sara said, smiling from ear to ear. Even didn't share her mood: she wasn't the one being matchmade with a stranger tonight.

They walked into a posh hallway with a small fountain right in the middle. The ceiling was really high, the walls we covered with paintings and sparkling marble seemed to be everywhere - on columns, on walls, on the floor. Even paused to take in the view, mouth agape, and could not hold back an impressed chuckle.

This is ridiculuous.

They followed Mr. Valtersen through the long corridor that was lit by the evening sunlight through the broad windows. Even was looking out the windows, enjoying the last warm rays of the setting sun. He smiled. The house was posh and polished and too fancy but he let his inner film director live. Feel the atmosphere. Let the beauty flourish. Imagine what kind of scene he could have shot here. A big old tree. Wooden swings. A beautiful girl with a flower crown around her hair. Chaste kiss. Gentle touch. Fingertips on bare skin. A young man leaving his love at home while he headed to the battlefield. Promises they could not keep. Grief. Tears. Years in pain. Slow healing.

'Please, let Jackson take your coats.' The man said, tearing him out of his imaginary world. Even took off his jacket, passed it to Jackson and turned towards what seemed to be the dining room.

'I'm going to call for my ladies. I'll be back in a minute.' the man winked and walked up the stairs at the end of the corridor.

'So...' Steven started, when they were left alone.

'He seems nice.' Even shrugged unemotionally.

'I told you, Terje is a very nice man. And a good father.' he smiled at Even approvingly. 'Son, I know that you don't really want to be here, I'm not blind. But... Please, try to be nice to Lea. Terje and I have been working together since me and your mother opened our very first shop in Oslo. We have a history. You don't owe us anything, but... just try at least. Will you do that for me?'

When his father looked at him that way, with expectation and trust, Even could not bear the thought of letting him down. The only thing he was able to answer at that moment was - 'Okay'.

Steven patted him on the shoulder. 'Thank you'.

'Here we are!' Terje exclaimed from the top step. 'Sorry for the wait. Women are women! What can we do?' he beamed. 'We just must love them even more for what they are.'

'Can't agree more.' said Steven, gently embracing his wife.

'Come on, girls, come down!' he held out his arms to help the ladies, and Even saw two women - one was about Terje's age and the other was young, probably Even's age. Even guessed that it was the infamous Lea Valtersen, whom their parents would have loved to have as their daughter-in-law.

When they got down, Lea looked up and froze as soon as their eyes met. He saw how quickly blush covered her cheeks and how she licked her lips nervously. She was pretty. Average height, slim body, long blond hair, blue eyes. She was wearing a light pink dress and ridiculously high heels. Who wears high heels at home? She could barely move without help. Even chuckled and Lea blushed even more. She was flustered but still regained all her dignity and reached out to him, offering her palm for a handshake.

'Nice to meet you, I'm Lea.' She said shyly.

'Even'. He answered shortly, accepting her hand.

After everyone exchanged greetings, they moved to the dining room. It was extremely big (like anything in this house) and the table was already served. Terje quickly seated his guests down and Even did not even flinch when he turned out to be sitting across Lea. So fucking predictable that it hurt.

Lea's interest was evident. Even was trying hard to remember if they had ever met before, because this whole show looked like Lea knew him from before. Maybe she asked her caring father to organize this veiled date? But no matter how hard he was looking in her features, he could not recall anything decent to confirm his suspicions.

'Even,' Terje reached out. 'What would you like to eat first? We have duck baked in honey syrup, juicy lamb - which I strongly recommend you to try, then steak and vegetables... Anyway. Choose whatever you desire.'

Even hummed, giving him a polite smile. 'I trust you. I'll try the lamb.' He nodded and reached out for the plate but Lea stopped him.

'Uhm, sorry, but can I help you?.. I mean with the lamb.' she looked at him with newfound confidence and it kind of startled him. Even hesitated for a moment but then replied: 'Sure'.

She stood up on her heels and almost tripped while trying to fill his plate with meat and vegetables. Even wanted to roll his eyes because of how ridiculous it all looked. Everything was too planned, too obvious, too boring. Yes, she was perfect: beautiful, gentle, with soft hair, soft voice, kind eyes. But he had seen all of this before. Dozens of times. He had dated girls like her. He had explored everything they could give him. And every time he got tired of it. There were not any spontaneous things that could surprise him. They were plain, they were ordinary, they were similar. And he wanted to find a person who could turn his whole world upside down. Shock him. Knock him down. Kill with a single kiss. Make him belong. Own him.

'All done!' she exhaled proudly, when the plate was filled to the brink.

'Thank you.' Even showed her his best smile. Well, it wasn't exactly meant for her. It was mostly for his father and Terje. He wanted to prove that he was a good son and that Steven raised him well. And after they parted in the evening, he would tell his parents that he got a secret girlfriend at Uni and he couldn't date Lea. It was a simple plan and no one would tell him a word. They lived in democracy and everyone in their little family had a right to make their own choices. He would just tell his parents that he really fell in love this time. And if they asked for proof he'd bring his good girl friend Elise who was really cool, smart, pretty and etcetera but also completely, utterly and hundred percent gay. Which upgraded her charm level to hundred as she was probably the only girl in this universe capable of making his mom talk about sexual stuff aloud. Which was not really a pleasant thing to hear, but at least that meant Sara liked her. And if mom liked something or someone, dad liked it too. Puff. Dinner served. Problem solved. If he presented Elise as his 'HappilyEverAfter' they would be able to forget about all Leas in the world. Especially about Lea Valtersen.

The parents talked about business stuff and Even didn't pay much attention. He could not concentrate on his dinner because he was constantly feeling Lea's eyes on him. He looked back making her avert her gaze but a couple of moments later he felt her eyes on him again. It made him fidget on his chair nervously. What the hell? She was too desperate.

'But where is your younger son, Terje?' Steven asked.

Terje sighed. 'He's still at school. Taking a chess class.'

Steven nodded approvingly, but Lea muttered to herself, 'He's home.'

'What?' Terje frowned. 'If he's at home then why isn't he coming downstairs?'

'He is probably shy.' she said indifferently, poking at her salad.

'Bring him here.' Terje spoke in a harsh voice.

'Okay.' she said without resistance, taking off her shoes and leaving the room barefoot. And not forgetting to sneak a glance at Even.

This time he could not resist the facepalm and his dad noticed it.

'You OK, son?'

Even raised his head and nodded.

'Yeah, just wanna visit the bathroom.'

Terje woke up from his tense thinking and addressed Even,

'Oh sure, Even, it's on the second floor right next to the stairs. You won't get lost.' He smiled.

'Thanks.'

***

He was standing in front of a huge mirror framed in some golden pattern. After washing his face, Even wrinkled his nose at his reflection and closed the tap. He needed some private moment after being the object of everybody's attention. Even fixed his hair and stared at himself for a minute. He looked pretty impressive today. He rarely wore suits, well, actually never. But today he impressed even himself: he looked like a damn James Bond. And his parents were trying to sell him a blond Olga Kurylenko. Well, fuck. Lea didn't feel like Olga at all. James Bond's women had always been not only beautiful but strong and smart. And this. This was becoming annoying.

He was going to move towards the door when he heard Lea's voice down the hall.

'Open the door, Isak!'

Silence.

'You little mole. Stop hiding in your room.' she knocked. Then again, harder.

'Iss, come out! Dad's going to kill you if you don't show your face downstairs. Just say hi, sit for ten minutes and then go back to your hole.'

He heard a muffled voice but could not make out the words.

After a minute of silence Even decided that whatever happening with Lea and her sibling wasn't his business. He came back downstairs, accumulating all his patience and tolerance, which he needed a lot to get through the evening. And when he sat on his chair, Lea's eyes were already there, burning a hole in his face. Even bit his cheek. Had someone ever taught her manners? Yeah, he got it, she liked him, whatever, but, the fuck. He started to grow frustrated. If this caused an episode (which probably would because he was definitely going to see these eyes in nightmares the whole following week) he would express all his emotions without any censorship. And damn, he had a lot to say. Let his parents be disappointed. They would forget about his rudeness when he breaks again. There hadn't been a single manic episode in one and a half years and his parents were probably thinking that he was magically cured. But then he suddenly jumped out with this huge banner - 'Bipolar guy is back'. Epic evening.

He was deep in his thoughts when Terje addressed someone quite harshly,

'Isak, say hello to our guests.'

There was a deep silence that suited Even quite well considering his desire to escape - anywhere - out of here physically or inside his head mentally - until freaking shit happened.

'Good evening, my name is Isak,' Even heard a quiet raspy voice from the right. He then turned to look at that Isak and was met with big green eyes of a scared deer.

He literally felt his own heart beating in his throat.

Jesus F*cking Christ. Who the fuck is this?

Isak averted his gaze and Even wanted to scream.

Look at me again. Shit. Look back! I said now! Look at me!

But the boy looked at his hands under the table.

Fuck.

'Thank you, son. Now maybe we should move on to the dessert?..'

Even didn't pay any more attention to anything except for the boy.

Even had never seen anyone, anything more beautiful than this creature. He had forgotten about his father, about Lea, who was eyeing a hole in his face, about his desire to leave this place as soon as possible. Nothing mattered more than seeing those magical eyes again.

One more time.

His hand twitched unintentionally (or maybe not) and a loud clink of a fork hitting floor surface stopped the energetic chatter. Isak jumped on his seat and stared at Even in horror.

That is what I meant, baby deer.

Even raised his eyebrows and licked his lips playfully. Isak followed the movement and widened his eyes. He was blushing. And Even was melting into that old wooden chair.

Fucking hell.

'Oh, it's fine, Even. We have more forks in the kitchen. Our maids have already left but you can take it yourself. Although... Isak, son. Bring our guest another fork, please. You know where they are, it'll be quicker.'

Isak frowned and clenched his fists on his knees, but obeyed. It's not like the request was harsh, Terje was quite respectful. Why was Isak so visibly uncomfortable?

The boy came back a minute later that lasted indefinitely. When Isak approached the table, he seemed to suddenly remember that he actually needed to hand the fork directly to Even. And that was when he froze in place. Isak eyed Even cautiously as if he was thinking whether it was worth to touch a wild animal or just watch it exist in its natural habitat.

Even had always been impatient. He held out his palm waiting for Isak to go around the table and give him the fork. It was simple. The boy would come up to him, hand him the fork and their hands would touch. Even would brush his fingers across the boy's wrist (as an accident, of course) and when their eyes locked, Even would smile at him and steal his heart forever.

But that never happened.

Because Isak never handed him the fork.

He gave it to his damn sister.

And then he left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is [smyonlyone](https://smyonlyone.tumblr.com/), since some of you have been asking :) you can msg me if you want...


	2. 2U

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my Gooooooooooood! i can't belive it! So many kudos and kind comments. You can't imagine how much of a mess I am right now. What are you dong to me... I love you. This chapter is longer, because you made me smile. Thank you so so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet my lovely beta: BlizzardSnow <3 She's awesome.

Isak was running through the long dark corridors of the Vicious Castle (which he unfortunately also called his home, but not often - he preferred the made-up name more) and felt his heart beat frantically in his chest. He was starting to feel that bitter sting in his stomach which served as a main symptom of his anxiety and was his best buddy-slash-enemy for as long as he could remember. 

The boy stopped near one of the windows in the east wing and hid behind a thick red curtain that could easily cover up a polar bear not to mention some skinny teenage body. He leaned his back on the cold wall, knees nailed to his chest. He felt so pathetic. He hated himself. Why couldn't he control his own body? It's his own damn body, for God's sake! His mind was playing tricks on him all the time; Isak felt trapped inside his own head. He was fine when he was alone. While he was regaining his breath behind the velvet curtain, the deep silence and the softness of red fabric gradually calmed him down. Isak touched his face and felt the heat of his cheeks slightly cool off.

_Breathe... Just breathe._

5,4,3,2...1. He counted, concentrating on numbers, trying to drown out any noisy thoughts that wanted to tear him down. They always did this. Tried to humiliate him and prove to himself how much of a disappointment he was. As if his father and stepmother weren't enough. And Lea? Lea was nice to him but most of the time she didn't care. She did not take his anxiety seriously. Because she has never experienced it herself.

And now this dinner. Isak remembered the way the guest boy looked him up and down and raised his eyebrows, clearly thinking that Isak was not even a bit handsome. Maybe he thought that Isak didn't deserve to sit at that table. He had never been like his father, stepmother or sister. He never wore elegant clothes, preferring simple T-shirts and jeans, because he was 100% sure he would look stupid and inappropriate in fancy clothing. Dad brought him new stuff all the time, but Isak never even tried. If he wore something colourful or particularly fashionable, he felt people's eyes burning holes in his body. 

_They see all of my flaws._

The boy was trembling now; unwanted tears filled his eyes and he let himself cry silently. 

_Nothing will help me. I'm a lost case. I wish I didn't exist at all. Because this life already feels like hell._

He woke up when the sun started to rise, his limbs felt swollen and his back muscles hurt after sleeping in an uncomfortable position. Isak stood up and watched the nature come back from peaceful sleep. He was sure that his eyes were red and puffy and he had to retreat to his room before parents left to work. If Dad saw him like this, he would certainly throw a disappointed glance at his son, which most definitely would not make Isak feel any better about himself.

His father was a kind person and he did everything to make his family feel safe and provided. Which sometimes was even more than enough. Isak had his own bank account and a credit card he could use on some useless shit like videogames, toys and entertainment. Well, he did enjoy some of that, of course. But he also thought about people who did not have a father owning ten huge shopping malls in Norway and Sweden. 

Isak had friends. Good ones. Jonas was his childhood friend but he was attending another high school so they met not more than once a week. On weekends Jonas came by to play FIFA or swim or play tennis or golf, well, anything they wanted, actually. Jonas was not rich, but their fathers were childhood friends and the Valtersens often helped the Vasquezes if they were suffering through a financial crisis. Or any crisis at all.

The point was, that no matter how much his father loved him, Isak had to constantly prove his right to be a part of this family. Because he was not a legitimate son. He was a fucking bastard Snow as they would call him in Game of Thrones. And every time the boy showed his weaknesses Dad got upset. He wanted his only son to inherit his huge business. Despite the fact that he was technically just a byproduct of a summer affair his father had seventeen years ago.

It was obvious that stepmother didn't like him. No, she was by all means an intelligent woman and she would never despise him openly, but she had also never tried to know him better or treat him at least half as gentle as she did with her biological daughter.

Still he didn't have a right to complain. What sane woman would love a child who was born as a result of her husband's affair?

He just missed his mother, that's all. The last time they'd seen each other he was twelve, and she cried during their whole meeting. She held on to him so tight that his ribs hurt. She was peppering his face with small kisses, repeating soft words: 'My sweet beautiful boy, my love, my baby...'.

She held him close, never breaking the touch and whispered amusingly:

'Look at your dimples. You're so pretty.' she giggled. 'How is your football practice going?'

He looked her in the eye and laughed 'I'm already better than Ronaldo, Mamma.'

'Of course you are. I believe in you so much, you're going to be the best football player in the world.'

He hugged her and hid his face in her neck. Her scent had always been the most pleasant one in the world. Better than any flowers or fruits. She smelled like home, happiness and peace. He loved her so much. He missed her so much. Why did Daddy let him see her so rarely?

'Mamma, let's go to the park! You promised me the last time'.

She caressed his cheek and smiled with all the sadness of the world.

'Next time, baby. I'm sorry.'

But there was no next time. The last thing he could remember was his grandfather taking him away and his mother's soft hands leaving his body. 

They told him that she left Norway. That she met some man and forgot about him.

Bullshit.

He didn't believe a single word.

But no one would let him find her while he lived in the Vicious Castle. His driver took him to school, to the cinema and even to a fucking KFC. He followed him everywhere, because father was scared that something might happen to his children.

'You're my only son. If something happens to you, I'll be ruined. I love you, Isak. Please, don't misbehave.' 

And Isak obeyed. He obeyed and put up with all his stepmother's comments about him. That he was nothing like his father. That he was lazy and spoiled. That he should clean up his room, cut his hair, be quieter, turn the music volume in his room down, stop munching on snacks like a piggy.

He wanted to be good enough, to be worthy of his home, of his belongings, of his life. But he was never good enough.

Isak finally got to his room and closed the door carefully, not wanting to make any noise. He then crashed onto his bed, buried his face into a big Star Wars pillow, sighed heavily and fell asleep. 

\---

When they got back home it was already 3 A.M. Even did not have any plans for Sunday so he sat with his parents at their kitchen table. His father wanted to listen to everyone's impressions on the long-awaited dinner with the Valtersens.

'They have such a graceful fountain in the hall! It looked so refreshing and the sound of splattering water was so soothing' his mother said. 'Do you think we can buy one of those too?'

'Mom, we don't have a giant hall and a place for a water system, pump and stuff.' Even mumbled annoyingly.

'We can put it in the garden. Steven, it looked so good. I can't stop thinking about it.'

'Yeah. I've noticed it as soon as we entered the house. Or maybe we should call it a palace?' he laughed. 'Gosh, their house is huge! Maybe we should buy a bigger house?'

'Why are we even comparing ourselves to them? I'm more than happy in our current house. And it is big enough. I don't think we need any more bathrooms. We have 4 bathrooms. Dad? Why do we need so many of them anyways?' Even complained.

'Darling, what's up with you? Why are you so grumpy? You looked calm when we were leaving. I thought you enjoyed the evening.' his mother uttered sounding confused.

'I did.' Even said pensively. 

He indeed enjoyed the evening. The pretty face and soft blond curls had not left his mind for a second since the moment he saw him. But the eyes. They were something special. Isak looked scared and lost, however there was something more behind those green mesmerizing lakes. When the boy looked at him, Even felt like he'd seen a bit of his naked and fragile soul. He saw beauty in its natural form, the beauty of spirit. He saw tenderness. He saw pain. He saw life.

He had to meet him again. He did not know what it was that he'd felt yet. And that was the reason he had to meet the boy again.

'So, Even. What do you think about Lea? I saw you talking in private.' his father eyed him carefully. 

Even could not help but roll his eyes. 'I don't think we suit each other.'

'Why? She's pretty.'

'But that's not enough. Did you choose each other for looks?'

Steven frowned. 'Of course not.'

'That's what I mean. Yeah, we talked and it was long enough to understand that we have nothing in common.'

'Okay, son. Nobody can make you like someone. And I won't even try. I get your point.'

Even was surprised that he got away so easily. Steven had been so insistent before, why would he back off now?

They were silent for a moment until Sara asked: 'Their younger son... how old is he?'

'Hmm... I think he's sixteen or so. Why?'

_He's sixteen._

'Is he going to manage the business when he's mature enough?'

'Yeah, I think so. He's their only son. And their family has traditions. Isak's grandfather passed the business to Terje and he is most likely to hand it over to Isak.'

'So basically Lea is not going to be in charge of the business?'

'Well, she won't but Terje mentioned that her husband will presumably get not only a beautiful wife but also a considerable amount of shares, as well as a position in top management. Especially if her husband is someone they know well and care about.'

Even almost asked what Isak's partner will get but he bit his tongue before he could ruin everything.

However, Dad managed to do it instead.

'Imagine how much power you could get only by marrying the right person.'

'She is not the right person.'

'You don't know it yet, Even. One talk does not prove that you don't fit. First impression rarely matches reality.'

Even rolled his eyes, stood up from his chair and went out of the kitchen growling loudly: 'Night, parents.'

He believed in first impressions.

Even jumped on clean and ironed sheets without taking his clothes off. It would have been just a waste of time, really. He was exhausted. It was a long day, full of powerful emotions. He felt slight resentment because of the way his parents insisted on him spending time with Lea. Even knew. He was one hundred thousand million percent sure he did not like her. But his father looked so happy - he clearly enjoyed Terje's company. Even guessed that his Dad not only found a reliable business partner but also a good friend. And he did not want to take it away from him. Steven valued this relationship - he told him so before - and his son's last wish was to be a reason for this friendship to collapse.

How was he supposed to reject Lea without offending her? She was into him, but he could not reciprocate.

Great. It was 4:30 in the morning and he could not sleep. Well, it looked like sleeping was not an option in the near future, so he picked up his phone and detached it from the charger.

He scrolled down his Instagram feed mindlessly, liked some of his friends' photos and a brilliant thought astonished him with its simplicity. How did he not think of this before?

Even typed 'Isak Valtersen' in the search bar but saw nothing. Maybe he had a different username? He then tried Lea's name and of course there was her profile.

She had photos of herself in a restaurant, on some terrace holding a glass of wine, on a yacht showing off her toned body in bikini, photos of her passport and tickets with a caption 'flying to paradise in Hawaii'. Even snorted. _What the fuck._

_If I find a Chanel purse at least in one photo I'm going to block her forever._

But when he found it, he could not fulfill the promise he made to himself. Because in that photo she was sitting in some fancy restaurant... kissing Isak on the cheek. It was definitely him. He looked so happy, so satisfied with the attention she was giving to him. Their faces were lit by a camera flash, it was dark, probably at night. Isak smiled brightly, he wrinkled his nose but looked so joyful and pleased. Even read a caption next to Lea's nickname saying: 'Birthday boy <3'.

Even felt his body slowly relax. Maybe he was a little tough on Lea. If she posted such a photo on her Instagram profile she must love her brother. And if she loves him, she can't be as bad as Even thought she was. Yes, he probably exaggerated. Rushed to conclusions. 

He screenshotted the photo and locked the screen. He had to sleep. His sleeping regime was important, Even did not want to screw up the stability he achieved over the last sixteen months. However, he could not resist the temptation to have a look at Isak again so he opened his gallery and bit his lower lip in adoration. Isak had curly hair that shone in the flash and he was wearing a beige shirt with palm tree pattern which showed off his collarbone. He was holding a fork (shit, memories) and apparently had just tasted a piece of his chocolate birthday cake. 

The boy was hot. Perfect. Now Even had even less chances to calm down and fall asleep.

His last thought before drifting to sleep an hour later was 'what it would feel like to touch him?'. 

\---

When he was driving home from the uni Wednesday evening he got an upcoming call from his father. Even turned off the music, put on a Bluetooth earpiece and clicked on a little button on the left side of the wheel.

'Hey, Dad.'

'Hi, Even. Listen, the Valtersens invited us to a dinner this evening and I really want you to come.'

Even thought about it for a moment. And then asked: 'Are they all going to be there?'

Dad chuckled. 'Yeeeeah. Someone you're willing to see is probably going to be there too.'

The boy moved his brows skeptically. 'Mhm...'

He was thinking about Isak.

'So, are you coming?'

\---

Even parked his BMW next to a small restaurant's entrance. He got out of the car and found himself at some country resort he had never been to before. A young female administrator dressed in white noticed him from afar and walked over to greet him: 'Good evening, sir. Do you have a reservation?'

He smiled politely. 'Yes, it's on Terje Valtersen.'

She did not seem surprised. 'Wonderful. You are expected.'

He followed the woman through dark restaurant halls and stopped to look in a mirror for a moment to fix his hair. He'd done the smart thing this morning when he decided to wear a new Armani shirt. Dark blue fabric enlightened his features and the color of his blue eyes which was convenient as he was planning to glue Isak's eyes to his till the rest of the night. And hopefully to have a decent conversation which lasted longer that one minute. 

They went out and moved between dining tables towards the very end of the wooden terrace. Even saw his father waving at him and felt a tiny shot of nervousness in his chest. He then thanked the administrator and approached those that were at the table. 

'Halla' he beamed. 'Good evening to everybody.'

Terje looked up from his phone and quickly stood up, smiling and extending his hand for a handshake.

Even complied. Terje squeezed his palm a bit and said: 'Nice to see you, son.'

_Okay. Wow. We need to slow down here._

He sat next to his father and was met with Lea's adoring eyes.

'Hi' he greeted her awkwardly.

'Hello, Even.' she looked like a happy puppy meeting their owner from work. 

When a waiter accepted his order and left, Even remembered that he hadn't seen Isak yet. There didn't seem to be any trace of him and the boy couldn't help but feel disappointed. He was imagining what their meeting would be like; he wanted to look at him closer, to take in his features, his body, his hands. He wanted to become friends with him, get his number and exchange profiles in social networks. Even got his hopes up for this evening. And Isak never showed up.

'How was your day, Even?'

He lifted his gaze feeling a bit lost in space and time and quickly responded: 'My day was fine, thanks.'

Terje laughed. 'I want to know more about you. Tell me something about your studies.'

Even thought for one second trying to make up something worth sharing on such an occasion. 'Well, I study business.'

Terje nodded. 'Good choice. I'm assuming you want to take your father's place one day?'

'Mhm...maybe. I don't know yet. I took business because I couldn't get into filmmaking. We decided that I should not waste a whole year.'

'You want to make films?' Lea intruded. 'The Valtersen Group is going to acquire a clipmaking company. They shot the last Astrid S's music video. With Herman Tomeraas in the main role' she said proudly. 'You could work with them, right, Pappa?'

Terje watched her with amusement. 'Yeah, why not.' he raised his brows at Even. 'We're still working on the acquisition, there has to be some work done on restructuring and merging but everything will come back to normal quite soon. I think in a year's time we'll be hiring new staff. I will need a personal supervisor there. A trustworthy agent, if you know what I mean.' he winked at the boy. 'This includes managing some projects, of course. _Directing_ some projects.' he stressed.

Even felt his mind become clouded. _Wait...Did he just offer me a job of my dreams?_

He sat there at that long table, mouth agape, risotto in front of him untouched and already cooled off.

Terje lauched. 'Hey, son, don't be so shocked. I know you are smart and hard-working. Your father bragged about you a lot. He told me you've been making home videos since the early childhood. I'd be more than willing to see some of that.'

'S-sure.' Even stammered.

'You can send them to me.' Lea grabbed her tiny purse from the table corner and took out her iPhone. 'Here' she gave it to Even. 'Type your number.'

He was hoping to get someone else's number today, but we get what we deserve, don't we? 

He obeyed.

'Thanks, I'll text you mine.' she said cheerfully, taking her phone back. Even stared at her hairline while she was typing on her phone. He was happy as fuck, even if it involved communicating with Lea. _A fucking director? Whaaaaaaaaaat!_

He'd been trying so hard to forget about his dream to create movies. And if just a minute ago he could say that he managed to do so, Terje's words brought him his long-lost hope back. His mind was screaming **'SAY A BIG FAT YES!'** and he probably would but then he noticed a familiar silhouette walking away from the parking lot. 

'Is that Isak?' he blurted out.

Lea lifted her head and looked where Even was staring. 'Yes, it's him. He ate his dinner, but left early. He wanted to play tennis or something.'

Even followed his movement towards the building with a sign saying 'Indoor sports'.

'I want to play too.'

Terje nodded approvingly. 'Yeah, you should. Tennis is a good sport. It's kind of our family sport, actually.' He turned to Lea. 'Honey, would you mind showing Even around?'

'I won't mind!' she was excited. 'It's been a while since I played tennis.' she quickly stood up, grabbed her purse and waited for Even to do the same.

He only ate a tiny piece of his dinner but he didn't feel hungry anymore.

Even followed her to the restaurant's exit. They walked on a broad paved path towards the sports centre and Even felt lost in a whirlpool of his emotions. They wanted him to be a fucking director (!!!) and he was ready to benefit from that opportunity. But did that mean he had to date Lea? Well, no one had told him that directly but he had an unpleasant feeling that it was implicit. He certainly changed his opinion about her for the better since he saw that birthday photo but still it was not like he was going to fall in love with her. In any sense. In the meantime, the other half of his thoughts was taken by Isak. He was not sure if he could love him either, because he knew nothing about the boy yet. Even was not the type of a guy who falls for someone's looks, he'd said it before and he could repeat it again. It's just... there was something about him... not even about his beauty but about the way he looked at Even. A hurricane played its games in his green eyes, and that hurricane clearly intended to carry him away deep into its epicentre. 

They walked in silence. Even didn't want to start a conversation and Lea seemed to have her head in the clouds. They entered the sports centre and Lea led him to the elevator at the opposite end of the first floor. She pressed some button and elevator's doors closed. He felt uncomfortable because limited space forced him to either look at Lea (who was eyeing him in anticipation) or inspect bare metal walls, which he eventually did. What did she expect from him? That he would try to kiss her? He'd prefer to decline the offer, thank you very much. Why did the damn elevator move so slowly anyway?

The doors opened and he stepped out first, sighing in relief. Lea walked past him to the long aisle, waving him to follow her. They stopped at the info desk and a dark haired man greeted them with a polite smile: 'Evening. You came to play tennis?'. Lea nodded: 'We're under the name of Valtersen. 

'May I have your ID please?'

Lea took out her passport and handed it to the receptionist. 'Here'.

The man had a quick look at it and then returned her the passport, smiling. 'Do you need any supplies?'

'Yes, we need everything.'

The receptionist opened the closet and took out two sports bags - one was pink and the other was black. 'Everything you might need is inside. Anything else?' he asked handing them their bags.

'We're fine, thank you' Lea replied and then faced Even. 'Men's locker room is over there.' she gestured at the door behind him. 'See you on the other side?' she laughed.

'Okay' he smiled.

When he left the locker room and ended up in a huge space filled with tennis courts, he was already fully equipped. He wore really cool shorts, a tennis T-shirt, sneakers and head and wrist bandages. Maybe he should make a film about sports? Rivalry, wins and losses, achievements and failures. He mindlessly watched people play while trying to come up with a name for the movie, when something touched his leg. A tennis ball bumped into him and bounced off his foot. He wanted to chase it but someone got ahead of him. The stranger ran after the ball, caught it and then turned around in order to get back to where he came from, when Even realised that it was Isak. Isak Valtersen. The boy for whom he came here in the first place. 

Isak didn't seem to pay attention to anything higher that the floor level as he never looked up, but Even had a good plan. He jumped in Isak's way, making him leap back and curse in surprise. It made Even laugh. The boy looked at him and frowned. 

'Hi, Isak.' said Even gently.

'H-hi?' the boy asked. His hair was a sweaty mess and his face was flushed deep pink. He was wearing the same sportswear Even wore and was holding a racket with his right hand. Isak was shorter than him and Even could not hold back an amused grin.

_Does he remember me?_

'Do you remember me? We met last Saturday at your place.'

'Y-yeah, I remember.' he started nodding nervously. Even his nervousness was charming. _Oh Lord._

'You know, I'm kinda new here. So maybe you could show me around?' Even asked tilting his head to the side.

'Okay' he muttered. Even could not take his eyes off Isak's lips. They were so pretty that it physically hurt. He would dedicate an art exhibition solely to his lips if he could. Why did the universe fuck around with him so much? How is it even possible to create something so beautiful?

'Show me where you play maybe?' Even said with misty eyes.

'Yeah' Isak whispered finally looking at Even with a little more confidence than before and then coughed trying to regain his voice. 'Yeah' he repeated, still a bit hoarse.

'Even!' he heard Lea's voice and reluctantly remembered that she was there too. 'Here you are! Hey, Iss.' she approached them quickly and folded her arms. 'So... we need to find a vacant court. Did you see any?' she was dressed in a short skirt and pulled her hair back in a ponytail. He would have enjoyed the sight of her long legs, toned abs and curves a week ago, but now his thoughts were fully taken by Isak's glowing cheeks and thick damp curls glued to his forehead. His imagination started making up dirty images and Even stopped himself. _The fuck am I doing? ___

__He shrugged._ _

__'Let's go have a look together then.' she smiled. 'Iss, where are you playing?'_ _

__'Isak was about to show me.' Even said._ _

__The boy seemed to relax a little since Lea came. He kept his eyes on her, not daring to look at Even again and showed: 'That way.' He gestured to the right. As they walked Lea and Isak made some small talk._ _

__'Who did you come with?' Lea wondered._ _

__'Jonas.'_ _

__'Don't you have any other friends?'_ _

__'Back off! I have other friends.' he smiled nevertheless. 'Why don't you like him so much, anyway?'_ _

__'I don't 'don't' like him. It's just that you spend all your free time either alone or with Jonas. You are not dating, are you?'_ _

__'What?!' Isak scoffed. He looked at Even for a brief moment and then hid his flushed cheeks in his hands, crying: 'What the hell, Lea? Why are you saying this shit?'_ _

__'Just stop hiding it already. I won't judge. And don't be coy, Even won't judge too. Right, Even?'_ _

__'Right.' Even answered quietly. Of course he wouldn't judge. But, either way, who was this Jonas?_ _

__'Well, when you finally decide to come out, I want to be the first to know.'_ _

__'Stop it, Lea!' he roared and went faster, outrunning them and entering the nearest court. When they followed him, Even saw a dark boy sitting on the ground. Isak walked up to him and started to explain something, standing with his back to Even._ _

__'I'm almost one hundred percent sure they are secretly dating' Lea told him._ _

__'Why do you think so?' Even replied, feeling something similar to a hint of jealousy._ _

___This is stupid. I know nothing about him._ _ _

__'Jonas comes by every weekend and they lock up in his room or in the guesthouse or basically wherever people hide to spend time in private. I just hope that he's being safe, that's all. I'm older, and it bothers me, you know? He doesn't share anything, doesn't talk to anybody about his life.'_ _

__Even did not know what to think. He desperately hoped that Isak, well, liked _boys_ , but the news about him and the _other_ boy, possibly being _together_ made him angry. Mostly at himself. It was his first time meeting someone he got really interested in, and it turned out that he was probably already taken? He couldn't blame Isak for that, of course, as the boy was simply gorgeous. He was mad because unrequited love was not on the list of things he was ready to suffer from in the nearest future._ _

__'As there are no vacant courts, maybe we should play in turns?' Jonas asked. 'We were about to start our last set when Isak left, so we'll probably finish very soon.'_ _

__'Deal!' Lea beamed. 'Even?'_ _

__'Deal.' Even said, heading towards the bench. He flopped on it, spreading his long legs and grunting in outrage._ _

__Even watched Isak move on court - he was fast and flexible like a cat, spreading his hands and saving even the toughest balls. He was completely immersed in the game and Even felt really lucky to see a part of Isak that was not covered with shyness. He was fierce and stubborn when he wanted to get something; that Even concluded with delight. Isak was laughing aloud when Jonas fell on his butt in attempt to hit the ball that Isak had just threw at him._ _

__'Just finish him, Isak!' Even shouted and immediately regretted ever saying these words, because Isak turned to look at him and all his previous confidence seemed to evaporate. He must have forgotten that Even watched him play; and now he felt sudden pressure of someone's eyes on him._ _

__'Yeah, finish me, Isak!' Jonas laughed. 'I'm not giving up so easily!'_ _

__Isak looked nervous, he hesitated for a minute, gathering his thoughts. The mood on the court had completely changed - Isak lost all of his power over the opponent and he felt bad for the boy. And the worst part of it was that it had been Even who made him act that way._ _

__Isak threw the ball up and hit it with the racket. It flew right into Jonas's hands and the brunette send the ball back on Isak's half of the court. The blond boy tried to hit it but tripped and almost fell, trying to regain his balance. Even watched yellow tennis ball roll on the ground and looked away pretending not to pay attention to the game in case Isak looked back at him. Since the very first time he saw the boy he knew that Isak was pretty self-conscious. And Even failed him. He should have been more attentive, more careful with what he said and what he did._ _

_I don't want to lose him._

__'I'm tired. Let's switch' Isak said, twisting the racket in his hands restlessly. He went up to the other end of the bench and opened his bag. The boy took out a bottle of water and sat down, breathing heavily._ _

__'Come on, Even!' Lea called him from the tennis court._ _

__Even got up, took another brief glance at Isak and dived into his own game._ _

__\---_ _

__One hour later they went out of the building and sighed simultaneously at the feeling of cool night wind blowing at their sweaty hair. It was too late to take showers, Isak and Jonas had classes in the morning so they had to leave at least before midnight._ _

__'Do you think you could drive everyone home?' his father asked on the phone. 'We're still at the bar. And I don't think we are leaving anytime soon.' he sounded tipsy._ _

__'Okay' Even sighed. Let them enjoy the night._ _

__He hung up and turned back to Lea, Isak and Jonas. 'Guys, I'm driving you home. Let's go.'_ _

__When they found his car, Even noticed that Lea was quick to take the front seat. 'She knows what she wants' Even thought, taking his driver's seat._ _

__The car moved smoothly on the dimly lit country roads. Even opened the front window to let in some air and turned on the radio._ _

___**When it comes to you** _ _ _

___**There's no crime** _ _ _

___**Let's take both of our souls** _ _ _

___**And intertwine** _ _ _

___**When it comes to you** _ _ _

___**Don't be blind** _ _ _

___**Watch me speak from my heart** _ _ _

___**When it comes to you,** _ _ _

___**Comes to you  
** _ _ _

__He looked in the rear-view mirror and caught Isak staring at him. He expected the boy to avert his eyes but it never happened. Isak continued to look him in the eyes and Even felt every word of the song resonate in his mind._ _

___**Don't miss out on a love** _ _ _

___**And regret yourself on it** _ _ _

___**Open up your mind, clear your head** _ _ _

___**Ain't gotta wake up to an empty bed** _ _ _

___**Share my life, it's yours to keep** _ _ _

___**Now that I give to you all of me** _ _ _

__Those green eyes definitely had some magic in them. Even could not look away from his face; his soft features were illuminated each time another car passed by. When Isak finally closed his eyes and leaned on the car window, Even already knew._ _

__**It was a love at first sight.** _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song: 2U (David Guetta feat. Justin Bieber)
> 
> my tumblr is [smyonlyone](https://smyonlyone.tumblr.com/), since some of you have been asking :) you can msg me if you want...


	3. Lasagna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear friends!  
> I know that many people don't like slow burn. But I would like to stress, that those who suffer from Social Anxiety tend to have complicated attitude towards relationships. It's hard for them to open to someone new in their life, although it is quite easy for them to fall in love. People with SA are scared of exposing their weaknesses to others, probably because many have faced betrayal or unrequited feelings (not only romantic but of any kind - even towards family members). And I want to keep things real. I'm sorry if it upsets some of you and makes you unsubscribe. Still, lots of love <3 and thanks for staying with me ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I'd like to remind you that it takes more time for me to write another chapter because I'm not a native speaker:)) So,please, bear with me and don't give up on me, I'm still here ;D My only goal is to make every chapter even better than the previous one, so I have good intentions!!!
> 
> What is equally important, my amazing beta - BlizzardSnow, is always there to help at keeping this story easy to read and to dive into.

**Even**

They stood near the black metal gates of the Valtersens' mansion and waited for Isak to find his keys. It was dark and even after Even turned on the headlights they could still hardly see each other. Not to mention finding a small key in a giant bag.

'You can stay at our place.' Lea proposed.

He loved the idea. But he had History of Business class tomorrow early in the morning, which he could not skip. 

'I don't think I can.' Even replied, feeling upset. 'I need fresh clothes, cause I definitely smell like I haven't showered in days.' he muttered looking in Isak's direction.

'I think you smell fine.' she said smiling fondly. Lea was sitting on his car's hood, wearing tiny jean shorts that fully exposed her long legs which were screaming for his attention. The girl was fumbling with her necklace - quite an obvious sign of a typical female flirtation trick Even had witnessed miltiple times before. It's not like he had never bought into this kind of provocation, though. Hmm. Guilty.

'Oh, belive me, I don't.' he smiled back. 

'Isak has a whole wardrobe of clothes he never wears. You can take some.'

Isak moved his head a little clearly listening to their conversation but continued to go through his backpack.

'Iss, please don't tell me you forgot your keys! Mom and Dad won't be back until morning.' Lea whined, pouting her lips.

'I haven't forgotten them. They are just somewhere deep and I can't reach them.' the boy breathed out heavily, clearly weary from searching.

'Need help?' Even asked approaching him. 'I can hold your bag and you can look for your keys.'

Isak was obviously ready to decline the offer, but Even had already taken his backpack and extended his arms, inviting him to do the search. Isak burrowed both hands deep inside his bag and Even felt their close proximity within every cell of his body. A light pleasant tickling spread across his spine and when it reached the nape, he already felt tipsy. He inhaled the smell of his hair and watched the way his soft locks curled like a bindweed at the back of his head. 

'Here they are' Isak muttered, taking the bag from Even's hands and zipping it back. He then walked to the gates and inserted his key to the lock screen. 

'Dial the password, please' the screen said.

Isak pushed some buttons and the gates opened.

The boy was the first to enter. He picked up the pace and quickly moved towards the house, not bothering to wait for his sister.

_'Don't leave me with her, baby deer.'_ he thought, watching Isak drift away. 

'I don't think our Dads are going forgive me if I let you drive at night.' Lea gave him a charming smile. 'Stay. Please. At least till the sun rises. You can take a shower and eat something. I'll find clothes for you to change into.'

Even hesitated. His brain was persuading him to leave but his heart begged to stay. They stood on a stone path lit by amber lights and her blue eyes framed in long black lashes looked quite endearing. But he averted his gaze nonetheless.

'Fine.' he finally agreed and Lea started jumping with joy. 'But I need to park my car first.'

'Sure!' she touched his hand slightly. 'I'm gonna go prepare everything. I'll meet you in the hall. Our house is so big that sometimes I get lost in it myself. So wait for me, I'll show you the way!'

He waved at her and went back to his car.

 _Why does it feel like we're already dating?_

\---

**Isak**

Isak ran up the stairs and jumped into his room, locking the door. He stayed in the darkness for another minute, squeezing his backpack to his chest and trying to calm down. Back there, on the driveway, Even was so close to him that he could finally see everything. Isak saw his strong hands with veins, his confident grip, felt his breath. Jesus.

Even was really good looking and unbelievably attractive. But the problem was that Isak was especially scared of beautiful people. Men and women. Because they made him nervous. Like very nervous. So fucking nervous that he could not even look them in the eye.

He would never say that aloud though. It was such an embarrassment, being afraid of people, of people's opinion about him. Everybody told him to stop being shy, to speak up, to communicate, to find new friends. But it was far more than just being shy. It felt like an illness: his body was always tense, his heart ached, he was sweating and trembling whenever doing something in public. Sometimes he wanted to say or do something spontaneous, like shout or jump or sing, but an invisible barrier stopped him. He was constantly suffering.

One time, maybe a year ago, he and Lea had a talk. Well, not exactly 'A talk' because she was paying more attention to the America's Next Top Model show on the TV than to what he was saying, however she managed to come up with advice that he remembered word for word: 'You better stop, cause otherwise Grandad will send you away.'

Lea was not a bad person. She wasn't, okay? She just had no fucking filter. Like today when she told him to come out in front of that new boyfriend of hers. She was showing off, wanting to impress that boy, like she was a caring and loving sis. Yet still, sometimes she was. For example when Isak could not defend himself in the 7th grade and she told the bullies to 'fuck off or I'll beat you to death with these high heels' or when he sneaked out at night to get drunk at some noisy club with Jonas and she covered for him while he was laying in his bed hungover. She treated him better than anyone in this family; she was his sister and he forgave her flaws, just like she forgave his.

The boy dropped his backpack and got out of his damp clothes. He went into the bathroom and closed the door, finally feeling safe. He was alone. He was home. 

Isak loved his bathroom more than any other part of the Vicious Castle. It was a nice beige room covered with marble and tile. He had his own jacuzzi, a TV and a stereo so he could listen to music, audiobooks and watch Netflix while laying in a bubble bath.

Today, however, he had no desire to take a bath. It was already late and he was quite hungry, so he opted for the easy way. He took a quick shower and stepped out of it, leaving wet trails on the tile. Isak stood up in front of a mirror and brushed his hair back noting that it wouldn't hurt to get a haircut.

Sometimes he considered himself handsome. Sometimes he was comfortable with who he was and with his looks. At moments like this he looked at his face, his nose, his eyes and lips and thought that maybe one day someone would love him. 

He thought all those nice things but then remembered who he was. An anwanted child. A liability for his stepmother. Abandoned by his own mother, probably. And worst of all, secretly gay.

If his grandfather ever found out, he'd kick him out of the house. His grandad had never been a gentle person, but was especially strict when it came to Isak. Whenever the boy overheard that his Grandfather was coming over, he immediately made himself busy, preferably outside. At rare moments of their encounters, Isak got so upset that he had to recover from it for at least a week. 

His Grandfather had always been disgruntled. Whatever Isak did pissed him off. He disliked everything: from the way he was constantly babbling when he was little, because 'no decent man talks all the time', to the way he dressed mixing all possible colours in one outfit when he could not pick a favourite one. He disliked Isak playing football, because 'studying must be in the first place', and most hurtfully, he disliked him spending time with his mother.

Isak hated thinking about his Grandfather. 

After getting dressed and turning on the TV, ready to flop on the bed and have some snacks, he felt a knock on the door.

'It's me.' he heard Lea's voice. The boy unlocked the door and was met with her restless eyes.

'Do you have clean towels?' she asked out of breath, entering his room shamelessly. 'Even is going to come take a shower in a minute.'

'What?' he didn't get it. 'You mean here?' Isak widened his eyes. He then shook his head in disagreement. 'He is not taking a shower in MY bathroom!' he argued, completely caught off guard.

Lea opened his wardrobe and started pulling out paper bags with new clothing that had been only gathering dust in there for months.

'Well, he's not taking a shower in mine either. I have panties and tampons everywhere.' she said, taking out a dark red silky shirt and inspecting it. 'This is so pretty.' she whispered.

'Well, it's not my fault you are a slob!' he cried.

Lea frowned, raising her head from the drawer. 'Hey, little booger. Don't yell at me. And anyway, why is it so difficult for you to share your bathroom for fifteen minutes? I never thought you were so selfish.'

Isak bit his lip. He was not ready to let someone he didn't know straight into his room, to his most intimate place. Especially that boy.

'What's wrong with our parents' bathroom?' he asked.

'London.' she answered, rolling her eyes.

'Shit.' Isak mumbled. 'Again?'

'Yeah.' she sighed. 'This dog is so stupid, but mother loves her anyway. Her piss is everywhere. On the carpet, in the jacuzzi... Her poop is all over the towels. That's why I need you to find clean ones.' 

He had no more excuses. He had to deal with the fact that instead of sending that guy home his desperate sister decided to turn this into another date. She left him no other choice except for letting the boy into his sacred place. No one's been to his bathroom aside from him and his housemaid before. 

Lea stood up and showed him a pait of light-blue jeans. 'Gosh, these would look so good on him! Do you think these jeans would fit him? Even's quite tall, isn't he?' she was babbling with enthusiasm. 'Hey, try it on, I wanna see how it looks before giving it to Even.' she held out the shirt and the jeans. 'Come on, brother. He's gonna come soon.'

'Lea, piss off.' he grumbled.

'I'm wai-i-iting!' she sang, waving clothes in front of his face. 'Come on, grumpy boy!' she pushed them into his hands and crossed her arms tapping her fingers with anticipation.

Why was she always so fucking enthusiastic? He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply trying not to explode and threw the clothes on his bed. He took off his clean T-shirt, his sweatpants and put on the shirt and then, jeans. _The sooner I deal with this shit, the sooner she leaves._

He got dressed and looked at himself in the mirror. The smoothness of silk embraced his skin so pleasantly that it made him sigh involuntarily. He stroked his chest, enjoying the feeling of soft fabric against his fingers, causing long forgotten memories to flood his mind. 

_His Mamma got him a pair of similar silk pajamas for Christmas when he was four. They lived in a tiny flat in Lillehammer with bad air conditioning and cockroaches breeding with terrifying speed. He remebered watching them with childlike curiousity and his mothers screams when he brought her a whole box filled with despicable insects._

_Despite some inconveniences Isak was a happy child. His mother loved him more than anything and he responded likewise. There were just two of them in their tiny wonderful world. But one day his life completely changed._

_Lea says that Terje knew who he was from the very first sight. A little boy playing with toy cars in a local supermarket who was like his own reflection: blond fuzzy curls, straight eyebrows, pointy nose and cupid bow lips. Only his eyes were a different color; they were green like a country lake, like raspberry leaves, like eyes of the person he once loved. The child's chubby cheeks glowed the sweetest red and when he gave him a cute grin the man's once-frozen heart melted._

_In October 2004 Terje Valtersen fell in love for the second time in his life._

'Honestly, I have no idea why you don't wear these clothes. It looks so good on you!' Lea joined her hands looking impressed.

'It does.' Isak heard a low familiar voice and saw Even leaning on the doorway in the mirror.

_Shit._

The boy felt the urge to hide and get changed as soon as possible.

'Hi, Even!' Lea turned to face the boy completely forgetting about her brother. 'You can go take a shower now. Isak will give you everything you may need.' her smile was so wide that Isak wondered how her cheeks didn't hurt. 'I'll be waiting for you downstairs in fifteen minutes. Dinner's ready.' she winked at Even. 'That goes for you too, brother.' she pointed at Isak and left, dancing her way out of the room.

_Ew. Lea. How do I feel embarrassed for you and you don't?_

Even watched her leave and then turned to Isak, smiling amusingly. 

_Please, don't tell me you like this childish behaviour._

'Okay, so... will you help me a little?' Even exhaled, raising his eyebrows and shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. 

Isak somehow couldn't believe the boy was actually addressing him.

'Erm, yeah. What... do you need?...' he replied, head completely blank.

Even laghed gently. 'I need a towel and preferably a shower. Because I fucking stink. Like a spoiled cheese lasagna.' he smelled his shoulder and wrinkled his nose.

'Lasagna...' Isak snorted.

Even looked at him intensely. He obviously liked hearing Isak laugh. He licked his lips, never breaking eye contact and continued: 'Yeah, I once left a piece of lasagna in my room before going on a holiday and was welcomed with a wonderful scent of a dying cat one week later. You would've enjoyed our housemaid's face when she realised what she had to deal with. Couldn't sleep there for a month, though.'

Isak facepalmed and started giggling hoarsely. _This is ridiculous._

'I like your laugh.' Even said quietly. 'It's pretty.' 

Isak looked up astonished. _What?_

'It's not.' he said dryly, looking away.

Even frowned, intending to argue, but then something changed and he proposed instead: 'We should hurry up, Lea is waiting.'

Of course, she was waiting. Isak would actually prefer Even to throw another stupid joke, but he had to come back to reality. This handsome guy was his sister's boyfriend. Well, potential boyfriend for now, but still. He had no right to enjoy his company even for a bit.

Isak moved towards the bathroom feeling Even's quiet steps behind. They needed towels, so he opened a big drawer next to the sink and got out a big white one.

'Thanks.' Even said taking the towel. Their hands touched for a brief moment but it was enough for Isak to shudder. Startled by his body's reaction he jumped out of the bathroom and shut the door with a loud bang.

_Here it is again._

He was pacing around the room not knowing what to do. Should he leave or wait till Even finishes? If he stays will it count as waiting for Even? And in case he leaves, what if Even needs his help at some point? 

Oh, shit. He was still wearing the shirt and the jeans. It was stupid to put them on in the first place; Even would doubtedly want to be dressed in something Isak just took off his body.

Moving between boxes and bags Lea did not bother to return back to the drawer, Isak sinked into the depth of his wardrobe. He pulled out a bag full of adidas football T-shirts and picked the Real Madrid one, which was too big for him but would be fine for Even. He then reached for the matching hoodie and shorts and balanced back to his bed. He was terribly worn out after their tennis practice and nevertheless he would have to spend another hour cleaning his room. Thanks, Lea. 

When the shower stopped running, Isak closed the Messenger app on his iPhone and blocked the screen. He waited nervously until Even opened the door letting hot air fill the room.

'Hey.' he smirked, drying his hair with a blue towel that looked suspiciously like Isak's.

'Hi.' Isak answered weakly, mesmerised by a naked body in front of him. Water drops streamed down Even's toned torso, disappearing in the white fabric wrapped around his hips. The boy's throat went dry and he swallowed hard trying to regain composure, although it was quite impossible considering that it was his first time being one-on-one with someone as hot as Even. Naked, again.

'Erm...Isak?'

The boy woke up from his trance, failing to register that he was pretty obviously _staring_.

'Yeah?' he started blushing. _Oh my God._

'I think I need clean boxers. I'm sorry. But do you have a new pair as well?' he asked seeming uncomfortable.

He actually didn't have a new pair, no matter how stupid it sounded. Just a thought of Lea's handsome boyfriend walking around in _his_ own boxers made him want to squeal in embarrassment but Even's impatient expression forced him to slowly stand up and open the lowest drawer. He delved into the mess of his underwear, trying to find a decent pair when he saw a gigantic box of condoms Lea got him for his sixteen's birthday. 'Safe sex is the best sex' she said right before he kicked her out and tossed the box into the depth of his drawer. Not that he used it since then anyway, however the thought of Even seeing these condoms sent a sting of unreasonable fear down his belly.

Isak quickly shoved the box deep inside, screwing his eyes up in embarrassment. And if Even noticed something, he showed no sign. Isak got out his cleanest grey boxers with a superman print on it when Even laughed: 

'Don't need extra super powers down there; have it all on me.'

Isak looked back at him blankly, blinking in confusion, when Even bit his lip:

'Lame joke, sorry. Thanks for underwear, though.' he said accepting the boxers.

'Oh, and clothes' Isak remembered, reaching back for the pile of clothes on his bed, 'You can wear these.' he lowered his eyes before saying: 'I thought you may want to wear something comfortable... while you're here... And... you can pick other clothes tomorrow!..if you want. I mean... if you're okay with that...'

'I _am_ okay with that.' Even beamed. 'Thanks for taking care of me. Seriously.' he added, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes.

'It's ok.' Isak shrugged, looking up for a brief moment.

'No, I mean it. Thank you, Isak.' the boy stressed, examining Isak's face with a kind expression.

Isak's heart started pounding at a high pace. Even's stare and uncomfortable silence building between them caused his chest tighten and muscles tense. What was he supposed to say? He had never been a talkative person, especially with strangers. He always said dumb shit.

Why did Even's presence feel so heavy whenever they were talking in private? The boy felt a warm blush spreading across his cheeks and a shot of panic blurred his vision.  
_Shit. This is bad._

The only possible outcome of this awkward situation was to run away. 

Which he eventually did.

\---

**Even**

_This is it._

Isak was so damn beautiful. So, so, so fucking beautiful. Pretty. Handsome. Hot. Especially with his wet hair and that burgundy silk shirt. Even was clearly becoming obsessed. 

When he asked for boxers he already knew where it would lead to. Isak blushed and turned on his usual shy mode. But he had to, okay? It's not like he could walk around with his bare dick underneath the football shorts in front of everyone. He wasn't raised that way.

However, now the boy was gone. He ran away trapped under Even's pressure. Fuck, he needed to be more cautious. Just like trying to catch a scared deer in the woods. Too bad he had never been a good hunter.

The speed at which Even was falling for Isak was crazy. And quite scary. Like a rollercoaster ride: sinking down and down never reaching the horizontal platform. He was anticipating the moment he would reach that surface; the moment he would tell himself that this is it; this is the end and there's no more to explore, no more to feel, like it always used to be. But their every encounter Even got more and more lost in that boy; his mind and heart were gradually getting addicted. He felt the vital need to follow him everywhere, catching the boy whenever he fell.

Even was totally screwed.

\---

Lea was pacing around the dining room, giving orders to her housemaids, and this made Even feel a bit uneasy. The amount of people running back and forth with food, glassware and cutlery at _fucking 1 AM_ seemed strange. He would have enjoyed a simple plate of scrambbled eggs, or a slice of pizza or whatever youngsters eat when they're starving and need a quick bite. Isak was probably thinking the same, sitting at the table and looking at what was happening with a bored expression on his face.

Even sat across Isak and fixed his gaze on a white tablecloth, hating the uncomfortable silence between them while it was so noisy around.

'You'd be a wonderful wife, Miss.' said an old grey-haired lady, helping Lea to slice the bread at the head of the table.

'Thank you!' she beamed and continued to cut, singing quietly under her breath. Isak looked up with a sceptical expression and Even could not hold back a soft laugh. Gladly, no one seemed to notice.

They sat in silence for another five minutes; Even's stomach growling with hunger. When Lea finally finished her arrangements, the boys sighed in relief almost in unison.

'Oh Even, you look so nice in this clothing! Like a true football player.' Lea said, taking a seat next to his and across Isak's. She then added: 'Is this the Barcelona uniform? I saw Isak wearing that stuff, he has a crazy football obsession.'

'I think Barcelona's is blue with red stripes?' he asked. 'Although I'm not an expert.' Even shrugged.

'It's Real Madrid, Lea.' Isak grumbled.

'Ah, yeah. I remember now. With Cristiano Ronaldo. Your favourite player.' she wriggled her eyebrows.

Okay, well, Cristiano was sexy, Even must admit. But if Isak liked such type of men, he had almost zero chance to win the boy over with his skinny physique and pale freckled skin. However...

'No, Ronaldo is not my favourite. I like Pepe more.' he said, rubbing a napkin with his fingers. 

Wow. Pepe?

'Who's Pepe?' Lea wondered.

Isak rolled his eyes. 'Of course you don't know him. The only reason you know Cristiano Ronaldo is because he advertises men's underwear.'

'Hey.' she frowned. 'Don't be rude.'

Now Even could see it. Isak's behaviour during tennis practice today completely matched his favourite player. Pepe was strong, sly, witty and fierce when he played. He saw his opponent's flaws and used it against them; he was attentive and fearless. Just like Isak. It was clear now that when the boy examined people he paid more attention to their inner sides, which only scored him extra points in Even's scale.

'It smells good, Lea.' Even said, inhaling the scent of something resembling baked meat with cheese.

'Wait till you try it.' she replied, opening the earthenware dish.

Even stared at it stupidly. 'Lasagna?' he asked in disbelief. He looked at Isak and found him shaking with silent laughter. When their eyes met, holding back was not an option anymore. 

'What? What's wrong?' Lea asked shifting her gaze between the laughing boys, absolutely confused.

'It's just... it's...' Even tried to say, but Isak's red and scrunched face left him no chance. And when the boy snorted, Even almost rolled under the table.

'Fuck!' Even cursed and pressed his hands to his face, trying to calm down. Their tiredness didn't help either, both boys continued to laugh helplessly, unable to stop. Finally, what seemed like an hour later, they managed to regain their cool. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he shifted his gaze to Lea's face.

Lea looked offended. 

'I don't understand. Is something wrong with my cooking?' she fumbled with her fingers nervously. She seemed to be on the verge of tears. _Shit. Don't cry._

'No, no.' Even reassured, reaching for her hand. 'It's just some silly joke I told Isak earlier. It has nothing to do with _your_ lasagna, it was about lasagna I had back at home. Don't worry.' he sqeezed her hand. Her expression softened at the touch and she eventually smiled. Even exhaled in relief; he hated seeing girls cry. He didn't know what to do when they cried, he felt the most helpless during such moments. 'I'm sure _your_ lasagna tastes delicious.' he added, squeezing her fingers.

'Then eat it' she laughed, sqeezing his hand in response.

They started to consume the lasagna, while Even threw short looks at Isak, trying to catch his gaze and regain the mood of mutual understanding they had earlier, but the boy was inspecting his plate and never looked up. He could not help but feel disappointed; finally getting to reach Isak, when he opened up a little, and then losing it - just the thought was pure torture. But there they were: sitting within arm's length and ignoring each other's presence.

'Thank you. It was really good.' Isak said quietly and looked at his sister: 'I have to go to bed, though.'

Lea nodded: 'You're welcome. Of course, go to sleep. Even and I will take care of the cleaning.'

'Okay.' Isak said before quickly leaving the dining room.

Even felt like he just got dumped.

\---

The loud sound of Ed Sheeran's 'Shape of you' violently tore him out of his sweet dreams. He needed to change his ringtone as soon as possible, otherwise the best hit of 2017 risked to become his least favourite one.

_Morning sucks._

He couldn't sleep all night; his guest room was the coziest he ever spend a night in, but it was situated between Lea's and Isak's bedrooms, which implied some issues.Well, first of all, the walls there were surprisingly thin; and he would have never thought that someone's phone talk could be so **audible**. Even's father was always on the phone but even his conversations at night had never been the reason for someone's insomnia. Eventually, after discussing all the essential matters with all of her girl friends, Lea turned on a playlist consisting solely of Shawn Mendes's serenades about his hurt feelings.

Second of all, Isak seemed to suffer from sleepwalking. Otherwise Even couldn't explain the constant noises behind his right wall, sounding suspiciously similar to kicking a football.

So there he was fifteen minutes later, with dozy eyes, sitting at the dining table trying not to drift back to sleep, a plate of scrambbled eggs in front of him. He was lazily replying to the messages, he'd been bombarded with the whole previous evening, but he had no time to look through them. Mikael wanted to meet this afternoon right after the lecture and Even typed 'ok' without any smileys, which made his best friend wonder if he drank last night. Because apparently, Mikael knew him like the back of his hand.

'Morning, grumpy boy!' he heard Lea's loud greeting from the second floor. Isak's steps were getting closer until he eventually ran down the stairs and paced into the kitchen, not paying any attention to Even.

'I'm so freaking late!' he muttered breathlessly, coming back with a lunch bag and finally noticing Even. _'Maybe he thought that I'd already left?'_ Even thought, relying on the boy's surprised expression. 

'Morning, Isak.' Even said, smirking and brushing his hair with a free hand. 'Did you sleep well?'

'Yeah...' he whispered hesitantly.

Isak was wearing his school uniform and Even slowly took him in enjoying every inch of his body. A blue jacquard suit fitted his figure perfectly and he looked like those smartass Oxford students, showing off their achievements in the university ads. He reminded Even of royalty; a prince of some northern country attending a school for privileged kids. Isak's golden locks and his expensive suit were a killer combination, therefore Even wondered if he had a lot of admirers at school. The boy was probably the most handsome student he had ever seen. He would look amazing in a role of a student womanizer, norwegian Chuck Bass, Even admitted with admiration. Damn, he had been watching too many episodes of Gossip girl lately.

'I can give you a ride to school if you want' Even blurted out, eyes heavy with affection.

'You want to... drive me to school?' Isak raised his brows, blinking rapidly.

'Yeah. If you want.'

'Why...' Isak said mostly to himself, and when Even got up ready to steal this boy and trap him in his BMW, a tall brunette man in a suit, probably in his twenties, walked into the dining room and greeted them all with an emotionless 'Good morning.'

'Alex?' Lea entered the dining room, probably noticing the young man from the corridor. 'What are you doing here? Where's David?' she asked, seeming unpleasantly surprised.

'I'm working here again. Terje hired me back.' the man said indifferently, approaching Isak and gently taking his backpack and his lunchbag from the boy's weak hands.

Isak looked like he saw a ghost.

'Isak, you'll be late to school. Let's go.' the man said softly, raising his brows when Isak didn't obey. 'It's time. Come on.'

'I thought that we made it clear when you got fired.' Lea intruded in a harsh tone.

'Your father and grandfather understood my situation. I needed a job.' he answered, turning away and moving towards the front doors.

When Alex left the house, Lea turned to Isak: 'You okay?' she said softly.

The boy looked at her, then at Even and answered quickly: 'Yeah.' he straightened up. 'I should go.' he lowered his head again and paced towards the exit. 

There was a long silence until Lea excused herself and went upstairs.

_What the hell just happened?_

Even was stupidly gazing at where Isak just stood frozen in discomfort, and couldn't make out a single coherent thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *In this AU Isak was born in 2000.
> 
> my tumblr is [smyonlyone](https://smyonlyone.tumblr.com/), since some of you have been asking :) you can msg me if you want...
> 
> Always thank you for leaving comments!


	4. Love me back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I had to re-upload the chapter as it was cut off smh. I'm really sorry if you'd left a comment and it was deleted) :(((  
> \-----------------  
> Heeeeeeeey, I'm back!!!!
> 
> You know how it is sometimes... When personal issues get in the way and you just can't find the right mood to make yourself type a single freaking word on the laptop. It was the most difficult chapter for me to write but it was the most anticipated too. The story slowly starts to unravel...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wanted to know more about Isak - you get it. There won't be Evak moments in this one as it was written to give you Isak's and Even's daily life backgrounds, but since the next chapter, there'll be loads. 
> 
> I hope you missed me.
> 
> My cutest beta: BlizzardSnow.

'Is this your university?' Lea asked, getting out of his car. She looked impressed, and Even could not figure out why. It's not like it was the best business school in the country.

'Yes.' Even slammed the door on his side. He was wearing Isak's gray dotted polo, black jeans and Terje's brown oxfords because all of Isak's footwear was too small. 

_Kinda cute._

Just after the boy's departure, Terje and his wife, Lisa, came back from the resort, looking too cheerful for people who had spent the whole night partying and drinking their asses off. Especially considering their age. Even envied their energy levels, trying to wipe sleepiness off his own eyes. Two cups of coffee clearly weren't enough; he made a mental note to stop by McDonald's on his way to Uni. Speaking of which...

'Even, you should take Lea for a walk today. She is already free from her studies. Save our daughter from spending the whole day in a stifling house.' Terje mentioned, making himself a cup of tea.

That was the most absurd excuse he had ever heard in his life. But still, it's not like he could say no. Because even after he declined the offer with an 'I have to go to the university today', Terje raised his eyebrows like Even said something stupid and replied,

'Then show her your university. I'm sure she'll be interested to see where the future famous director Even Bech Neisheim spends his early mornings.' he laughed, giving him a meaningful look. 'If you don't have any other plans, of course.' he added.

So there they were. On the Uni's parking lot, under the hot morning sun in May, enjoying each other's company. Well, at least Lea seemed to enjoy his company. And he was just doing his duty. It's not like they were doing anything inappropriate, right? They were becoming... kind of friends? Nothing particularly romantic was happening between them; although Lea showed some signs of affection, she did not push. The whole pushing thing was mostly done by their parents.

'I don't think they will let you in the building, however... you can go to the students' canteen?...Or there's Starbucks over there if you want coffee.' he pointed at the small coffee shop. 'I'll be free in an hour. Will you wait?'

'Sure!' she smiled. 'I'll wait for you as long as you need. I have to check my email anyways.' she took out a Mac out of her backpack. This time she was wearing jeans that shaped her legs tightly, nevertheless her clothes in whole were less provoking than usually. 

They parted at that, walking away in opposite directions. When Even entered the auditorium his class was going to be in, someone kicked him from behind.

'Morning to you too, Mikael.' Even growled, tilting his head back, looking at the ceiling in annoyance and not bothering to turn around. Because that was apparently the millionth time his best friend did that to him. He must have already gotten a bruise on his ass after all these years. 

'You ignored my messages, asshole!' Mikael flopped on the seat next to Even's.

'I was busy.' Even replied, sounding unapologetic.

'You were busy with who?...with that ridiculously rich girl, am I right?' he asked, wriggling his eyebrows. 'Is she pretty? When will you show me her picture?' Mikael kept asking, with that usual silly expression on his face, which Even hated as much as he liked it. Mikael had his long hair tied up in a bun, making him look like some virgin computer nerd.

'You look stupid with that doody on your head.' Even teased, expecting a strong reaction, which, of course, followed.

'What?! This is the hottest trend of 2017! Buy a magazine for once!' Mikael scoffed.

'Yeah, yeah, sure. You're the expert.'

'Fuck you.' he turned away, pretending to be offended.

Not for long, though. 'Lea is here. She came with me.' Even smirked.

Mikael turned around, his face lit up with excitement. 'You're kidding me! I want to meet her!'

'After the lecture.' Even replied looking at their teacher, who had already started delivering the material.

'I can't wait!' Mikael whispered loudly.

'Well, you have to.' Even said indifferently. _These two would match each other. Enthusiastic people._

'Are you already together?' Mikael asked.

'No, what the fuck?' Even scoffed, thinking about Isak. 'I don't like her.'

'Then why on Earth is she here? If you don't like her.'

'She had nothing to do today. Her father asked me to make her busy.'

'Make her busy?' Mikael laughed. 'I see. But do _you_ want her to be here?

'I'm not... sure? They asked me, so she's here.' he shrugged.

'Well, don't you have your own head on your shoulders?' Mikael accused. 

'Well, I want to upset neither him nor my Dad.' Even tried to justify himself.

'Aha, great, don't upset them. Because they both want you to marry her. Perfect, Even. The cleverest thing I've heard today.' Mikael said louder, giving him a thumbs up.

'Gentlemen, at the back of the class! If you came here to chat, please do it through your phones or leave.' the teacher said, looking more tired than offended.

'I'm very sorry, Mr. Adamsen. My bad.' Mikael semi-shouted, lowering his head. 

'You know what? Never mind. Let me have a look at her first. If she's hopelessly unattractive, I'll help you get rid of her.' Mikael whispered with his head low.

**Yeah, sure.**

\--- 

Mikael was sitting across Lea with his mouth open. It was a miracle that he hadn’t started drooling already, with the way he looked at her. 

'She is fucking gorgeous!' he hissed in Even's ear when Lea excused herself to answer her phone.

'Where's your "I'll help you to get rid of her"?' Even teased, sipping his fourth cappuccino of that day.

'Why do you _even_ want to get rid of such an angel?' he moaned. 

'Yeah, whatever.' Even rolled his eyes.

'Give me her number?' Mikael pleaded, pouting his lips.

'What?!' Even raised his eyebrows.

'You said you don't like her.'

'I don't.'

'Then give me her number.'

'Ask yourself, Mikael. I'm not giving you her number without her permission. It's obscene.' he answered dramatically, almost spilling his coffee.

'You want to keep her to yourself.' Mikael beamed. 'I get it.'

'Fuck off.' Even groaned, right when Lea came back to her seat. She brushed a lock of her blond hair behind her ear and threw a shy glance on the boys.

'My friend just called me. She was asking if my new friends wanted to come to her party this Friday. She lives in a house by the sea.' Lea said, reaching for her cacao.

'A beach party.' Even concluded.

'Yes! Exactly.' she smiled.

'Sounds awesome.' Mikael said admiringly, almost clapping his hands like a seal. 

_Remind me, what was I thinking when I made friends with this desperate dork? Mikael needs to get laid._

'I'll text you the details later, okay?' Lea said. She shifted in her chair nervously. 'Even?' she glanced at him hesitantly, chewing her lip.

'Yeah?' he looked back.

'I can't stay. I'm sorry. I was hoping to hang out with you today, but my friend needs me.' she said, looking sincerely disappointed. 

'Oh, okay.' Even replied, a bit surprised. 'It's fine, you should go take care of your friend.' he smiled, feeling kind of relieved. He'd been thinking about what to do with her the whole morning, but now everything turned out the best way possible.

'Sorry, again. I'll call you about the party, yeah?' Lea took her purse and stood up, looking a bit uncomfortable.

'Sure.' Even nodded. 'Let me drive you then. Where do you have to be?' he stood up, ready to leave. He _was_ a gentleman. Sometimes.

'Oh, no, it's fine. I've already called my driver. He's on his way. But thanks.' she smiled gratefully, flattered by his concern.

'Okay.' he agreed.

She smiled again and threw a quiet 'Goodbye', before retreating to the Starbucks' exit. Mikael followed her movement, eyes glued to her round hips.

'Hey, dude. Stop it. Don't embarrass me.' Even laughed.

Mikael shifted his misty eyes back to Even's. 'What?' he asked stupidly.

'She's _my_ fiance, in case you've forgotten?' he teased.

'O-oh, look how he speaks now!' Mikael giggled, poking Even in the ribs and making him wince in pain. 'Now that you have a rival, you've decided that you want her?'

'A rival?' Even breathed out, still hurting. 'You? My own eighty-year-old Grandpa is more of a rival to me than you.' he laughed out loud, jumping off his seat right when Mikael intended to knock him off his chair.

'Come here.' Mikael spread his hands, trying to grab Even's jeans from where he laid on their seats.

'Okay, okay. Sorry!' Even held his hands up in apology. 'Now move.' he pushed Mikael back up. 

‘If you still don’t like Lea… I can hit on her tomorrow then?’ Mikael asked, letting Even sit.

'Whatever.' Even sighed and drank the last bits of his coffee. 'Finish your latte and let's go watch that tawdry movie about a first-grader superhero.'

'Show some respect. Spider-man is a classic.' Mikael scowled, letting go of his friend. 

'Not this version.' Even shook his head, smiling.

When they finished their drinks and went towards the exit, someone bumped into Even, making him trip and knock his shoulder onto the cupboard. 

'I'm so sorry!' a young woman exclaimed, hovering her mouth in shock. 'I wasn't paying attention, please, forgive...' she stopped at that, staring at him attentively. 'Even?'

He was still touching his shoulder, feeling a forming bruise, when looked at the unfamiliar black haired woman in front of him. 

_Wait. Diana?_

'Mhm. Hi?' he would have lied saying that this encounter was pleasant.

'Nice to see you.' her lips quivered a bit. 

'Really?' he raised his eyebrows.

'Come on. I'm able to get over an Ex.' she smiled. 'How are you doing, by the way?'

They still stood in the passage with people bumping their shoulders on their way out.

'I'm great. You?' he smiled his usual polite smile and watched her expression sadden a bit. 

'Me too. Just went out to grab a drink.'

'Great.' he looked at her, not knowing what to say next. They'd never talked much even when being together. Now wasn't an exception. 

'Well, I gotta go. See you around?' she said awkwardly and walked away after he nodded and waved her goodbye.

'Maan, you should teach a course on how to pick up the hottest chicks!' Mikael wrinkled his forehead when they were already outside.

'Let's go.' he muttered, ignoring his friend and getting out his car keys. 

He should teach a course on how to fuck up every fucking relationship he ever had a prospect to have.

\---

**Isak**

Today was going to suck. Basically, like any other day he spent at school. But _this day_ was going to be a particularly shitty one. 

First of all, Isak always dreaded Thursdays, because of all the douche bags he had to see during his classes. Second of all, _this_ Thursday had already started with bad news. Really, really bad news. Because _fucking_ Alex was back.

And this particular Alex was driving him to school. This particular Alex was giving him constant looks in the rear-view mirror, which only made Isak wish the ground to swallow him up, just so he didn't have to be there at that moment. With _him_. Alone.

After what seemed like an eternity, the car stopped by the school's open gates. Isak wanted to quickly escape, but Alex locked the door, leaving the boy to helplessly struggle with the handle of the door.

'Open it!' Isak hissed, pulling the handle with all his strength, although it was useless.

'Isak, let's talk.' he said softly, probably thinking that it would somehow calm the boy down.

'Fuck, let me go!' the boy shouted. 'Right the fuck now, or I'm calling Lea.' he gave him such a furious glance that Alex finally gave up and unlocked the door.

Isak pushed it and jumped out, picking up the pace running towards the school's entrance, when he remembered that he forgot his backpack and lunch on the front seat. Cursing under his breath, Isak turned back and saw Alex already standing outside and holding his belongings.

_I hate my life._

With his head low, not wishing to meet Alex's eyes, Isak came up and grabbed his bag, already ready to leave, but Alex didn't let go.

'Issy, come on. Listen to me.'

'Don't. Call me. Like that.' Isak said, stressing every word. He ripped his bag out of the man's hands and ran away, forgetting to take his lunch bag.

'Isak, your food!' Alex shouted after him, but the boy was already inside the school.

Isak would rather walk around with growling stomach than spend another minute near that bastard, who dared to lock him inside his car. 

_I was hoping to never see him again._

He thought that he finally was free. Finally over that nightmare. He liked David, who was his driver for the previous month, well, he would probably like anyone who wasn't _Alex_ , but now it seemed like David was gone and replaced by the last person Isak wanted to see ever again.

His phone buzzed.

 **Asshole [09:48]**  
Isak, take your food. I won't leave unless you take it. 

He was not going to reply. No. Never. Nada.

 **You [09:50]**  
Fuck you 

Isak put his phone away and leaned back on the wall, looking up. He felt tears filling up his eyes and did not want anybody to see. It's not like anyone would pay attention, though. He wasn't a popular guy, albeit his father was well-known with his constant charity campaigns on TV. Isak himself was just a regular, usual, unnoticeable...

'Hey, Prince Charming! Where's your Fairy Godmother? You better go find her, 'cause I'm itching to give someone a bath in the boys' restroom today.' said Jake, disarranging Isak's hair. Yeah. That's who was missing in his life lately. Jake - dash - biggest shithead - dash - greatest bully of the century. Isak had seen lots of bullies in his middle school, but this - this was a whole new level. He welcomed Isak on his first day of high school with hospitality, saying nice friendly things, well, right before punching him in the stomach and whispering in his ear: 'My friends from your middle school sent a "hello" and their best wishes'.

'See you at PE?' he smiled wickedly, slightly slapping him on the cheek and walking away.

It was quite obvious, that Isak hated Jake.

Why didn't he do anything about it, you might ask? It was simple. If he opened his mouth, his Grandfather would find out. If his Grandfather found out, well... There was going to be a walk of shame. The whole school was going to watch his Grandad arguing with the headmaster and then with Isak, who was going to shake in fear because he was utterly afraid of him. Yes, he was afraid of people generally, but _this man_ inspired him complete terror.

So he wiped off his tears, fixed his hair and went straight to the English class, not bothering to throw his backpack in his locker. He felt safer in the auditorium, where the teacher could see if anybody touched him. Because this was just the beginning. He had a whole day ahead of him.

Jake wasn't in his class, thank God, but his friends were. They would not hurt him, but still, they were his spies, and they would tell Jake if Isak did something stupid. Like talking to Isabelle, for instance, the girl that Jake had a hopeless crush on. Isak still had a bruise on his right hip bone from the previous time he'd made that mistake. 

It's not like Isak was not able to defend himself one on one. He was tall and quite muscular due to his childhood football practice (and his daily practice in his room), but he stood no chance against five giant thugs, trying to beat the shit out of him. Again, it was healthier just to avoid doing something stupid.

Jake was smart enough to beat him somewhere no one would see. In toilets, where surveillance cameras were forbidden, in storerooms, stinking with detergent and dirt mixed together and discouraging any unwelcome visitors. And, of course, in their favorite place – the school locker room. 

Something was wrong today and he had a bad feeling. Jake had never threatened him openly, in the corridors, where anybody could overhear them. And he never went after him just like that, out of the blue. Jake hadn't touched him for weeks now; but something might have gone wrong and the boy needed to be extra careful. Otherwise...

'Isak?' the teacher's voice distracted him from his heavy thoughts. He looked up from the silly drawing he was sketching in his notebook and was met with Mrs. Simmons' demanding gaze. Isak felt a strong sting of fear in his stomach and replied, trying not to choke on a lump in his throat:

'Y-yes?' 

'Make up a sentence using past passive, please.' 

_Shit._

'W-what should I say?' he mumbled in a tiny voice, feeling embarrassed by how weak it sounded.

'I don't know, you tell me.' she shrugged.

The whole class was staring at him. He felt their eyes burning holes on his skin and could swear that he heard their thoughts. They hated him. They considered him stupid and unable to do a simple task.

There was no air left in the room.

_I can't breathe... Jesus, I can't breathe. They are watching me; I can't leave. I can't stay. If I stay, I'm going to die. I'm going to..._

'May I do it, Mrs. Simmons?' he heard someone say. The teacher turned away, and Isak finally exhaled, lowering his head. He tried to regain his breath, while his heart persistently intended to jump out of his chest. 

'Wait a bit, Isabella. Isak hasn't...'

'One day a boy was asked if he can form a past passive. But they forgot to ask him why he even had to attend this class if English was the second mother tongue for him. He speaks it better than anyone in this school, including teachers. Therefore, was the question necessary at all? 

Everyone went silent. The clock's ticking sounded even louder than the pounding in his ears. Did she just... help him?

Mrs. Simmons gave Isabella a long look, probably thinking whether it was better to scold the girl or to let it go. After a moment of silence she finally uttered, addressing the class:

"Thank you. Now can anybody tell me what does..."

He didn't listen anymore. It was over. He was fine. She won't touch him for now; no one was looking at him anymore. He was safe.

Loosening his grip on the desk and trying to regain his vision he noticed Isabelle peeking at him behind her shoulder. The girl who sat in front of the closest desk to the teacher's table, but still eyed him like she didn’t care if anybody saw.

But Isak cared. A lot. 

As the girl sent him a small wink, Isak's heart dropped in his chest. _Please, don't. Don't do this. Now they are definitely going to kill me._

His backpack was coming apart at the seams on his knee from all the clutching as he was counting seconds till the lesson's end. Isabelle's constant turning to look at him was getting under his skin. 

'Okay, dear students, that’s all for today. See you on Monday.' The teacher's words sounded like a command for wild dogs trapped in a cage. A loud noise filled the classroom; people started leaving their chairs, bumping into Isak's desk.

The boy quickly threw all of his belongings into the rucksack and joined the flow. He needed to find Mags. Usually ashamed of asking for his best friend's help, Isak knew that today was _the_ exception. The corridors were flooded with students, it was becoming noisy and crowded, and with every passing minute his chances to find Magnus in school were quickly evaporating. Isak stormed into the men's bathroom and locked himself in a stall, getting out his phone.

 **You [10:52]**  
Where are you?

They needed to pair at PE or he would probably be dead by the end of the class.

 **Magnus [10:53]**  
Hey, dude, I stayed at home  
I've had a fever for the whole night

 _Shit. Shit, shit, shit._ He wanted to cry. But his genuine concern about Magnus made him write a couple of encouraging words.

 **You [10:54]**  
Get well, dude  
Don't make your mom worry

 **Magnus [10:55]**  
why you asking though?  
You ok?

_I'm not fucking ok._

**You [10:55]**  
I'm ok

 **Magnus [10:56]**  
hey isak  
need me to call bros from my class?

_Hell no._

The last thing he needed right now was other boys protecting him, the 180 cm tall, almost seventeen-year-old bloke. If he got beaten, at least some bits of his pride would remain. 

He wrote a few messy texts with shaky fingers, not meaning a single word:

 **You [10:57]**  
no, don't  
i'm great  
just bored  
gtg though  
see ya

Isak pressed his head on the stall's door. Just two more. Two more PE lessons left; today and next week and then freedom will come. Holding on was difficult, but it was worth it. Getting out of the school with his head high - that's what made it worth the battle. 

Isak got out his uniform - a white T-shirt and a pair of Adidas football pants, and got undressed. This was not something new; on particularly shitty days he could hide in this bathroom for hours. Getting changed in toilets was the least of incommodities he faced in school, although he could barely move in a room of one square one-square-meter room. After jumping out of his pants and leaning on the wall to take off his socks, Isak heard someone enter the bathroom.

'Do you already know what happened yesterday?' some guy asked, while approaching the sink and throwing his bag on the floor.

'What?' the other replied.

'Jake Blom got rejected by Isabelle!'

Isak heard one of the boys applause. 'Finally. His obsession with that girl was embarrassing.'

Someone turned on the tap.

'What are you saying, Tom? She's the hottest chick at school!' the first boy exclaimed.

'Okay, okay, man.'

'Maybe she just likes good boys.'

'What did she tell him?' Tom asked.

'She said that she's dating that Valtersen guy or something.' the voice was almost muffled by streaming water, but Isak heard everything right.

The boy froze on the toilet seat, holding his breath.

'The one whose Daddy owns all shopping malls in Oslo?'

'Yeah, that one. Girls seem to like him, though I have no idea why.'

Tom laughed. 'Well, he's handsome. And he's number one on the school's rating.'

'I think it's just his money. Girls love rich guys.'

'I don't think it's the case.' Tom said, closing the tap. 'Man, this stupid stain is not washing off. You know what? Fuck it. I'll just go like this.' Isak heard him digging in his bag and then picking it up and moving away from the stalls.

The silence that came back after their leave was deafening. Immersed in his thoughts, Isak dropped his phone on the floor, which made an unpleasant cracking sound when meeting the stiff tile. But he couldn't care less. Because he already was a dead man.

 _Isabelle told Jake-fucking-bully that we are dating. What did I do to deserve this? Why does she hate me so much?_ , he pulled at his hair painfully and roared aloud, completely frustrated. Why did all the shit always happen to him? 

He thought they were kind of buddies. They talked from time to time and he felt quite comfortable around the girl; she was down to earth, funny and smart and Isak would have enjoyed being her friend if Jake hadn’t claimed her, smashing Isak's chin a month ago.

Buring his face in his palms, Isak shook his head. No, he'd had enough. He had constantly told himself to be strong, to fight his demons and try to win against them. Because he was a man. Because he was a son to his father, the kindest, the bravest and the most decent person he'd ever known.

Except he wasn't. He didn't deserve all of this. He tried, but he failed. It was time to get out.

Isak got on his knees, feeling the cold dirty floor with his fingers. After getting his phone out of some liquid, suspiciously resembling piss, the boy quickly walked out of the bathroom. He was still wearing his sportswear, but it was for the better. This way he had more chances to sneak out of the school and past security, pretending to be someone from the football team. The corridors were already empty as people retreated for their classes, and the planned escape promised to be one of the easiest he got to have during this first shitty year of high school. But before he could even open the school's front doors, he noticed his own car with his own _fucking_ driver in it. Why the hell was he still here?

Wait. He didn't seriously stay because Isak hadn't taken his stupid lunch, did he?

Isak dropped to the floor, leaning on the thick wooden door and trying to guess if Alex had seen him. It didn't seem so, and he would sigh in relief if it wasn't so ridiculous. Why was he even hiding? 

He didn't owe that shithead anything, and even if he saw Isak, he would do no harm. In fact, the boy wanted to be seen by Alex. That way his escape would be easier; he could order him to drive him home and deal with his dismissal as soon as possible. This time he would talk to Terje himself, because apparently whatever Lea's excuse was it didn't convince anyone. 

Isak pushed the doors with all his strength, crashing them so loudly that Alex jumped on his seat, dropping his tablet somewhere under it. Seeing Isak, however, made his face expression quickly change from confusion to joy. The driver got out of the car and welcomed him with a huge grin.

'I knew you'd come for your food.'

'Why are you still here?' Isak wondered, folding his hands and feeling very much annoyed.

'Just in case... Something happens again. You know?..Like the last time.' Alex came closer, hovering over the boy, with his ridiculously broad shoulders and near two meters of height.

Feeling a bit uneasy, Isak shifted back. 'No need. I'm fine.'

'Then what are you doing here in your uniform instead of training in class?' he raised his eyebrows, pointing to the obvious. After a minute of silence, when Isak couldn't come up with an answer, Alex looked him up and down and uttered warmly:

'You look pretty in this, by the way.' His green eyes, especially contrasting with that black hair of his, were almost hypnotizing. Almost.

Isak loosened his clenched arms a bit and averted his eyes, not letting himself fall for this pretense. Alex was a genius manipulator. And Isak had enough of that.

'Hey, what's wrong, Issy?' Alex frowned, coming closer. He tried to touch the boy's arm, but Isak, disgusted at the name Alex called him, avoided him and quickly turned away, making two steps back.

'Isak, tell me if somebody hurt you. I promised Terje to look after you.'

'What?' Isak looked back at him, widening his eyes; fear spreading across his spine. 'You... you told my father about...?' He felt sick. No way. No way in the world.

Alex hurried to soothe him. 'No, I didn't tell him everything. I just said that some boys at your school can be rude.'

Like that was any better. 'Why the fuck did you talk about it in the first place?' he growled, eyes burrowing in the greens of Alex's.

The guy looked genuinely guilty and sad, and lowered his gaze for a moment. 'I'm sorry, Isak. I just wanted to come back to you.' 

_Come back to me?_

'I didn't ask you to. Actually, I fired you, if you haven't noticed.'

It's been like... two minutes of talking? And he was pissed off already.

'I thought we were friends.' Alex said with a small smile. He eyed Isak's face with interest as if thinking that those kind words might have had an effect on the boy.

_Friends. You say this word with so much ease, like everything's simple. You play with people, enjoying their confusion and weaknesses._

Isak laughed right at his face with so much despise, that the man's once confident mood faded. _Yeah, that's it. That's what you get, asshole._

Alex stood there, startled by the new side of Isak he'd never seen before. The boy was always so kind and sweet, even when he got mad, but this was something else. Something unknown and bitter. 

'You know what? Forget it.' Isak extended his arm. 'Give me my lunch, I'm late for my class.' 

Alex blinked once, twice, maybe a couple of times more, before slowly moving towards the car and getting out the lunchbag.

 _It was just an excuse,_ Isak thought, already pacing through the long school corridors towards the gym. Things were bad. Alex said one thing, but who knows how much of it he really told Terje. If his father knew, it was just a matter of time till his Grandfather found out. He couldn't leave now. He had to stay in this evil school and pretend to be 'okay' in front of Alex even if he wasn't anywhere near that. 

A month ago, when **_it_** happened, Alex swore that he would rather cut his tounge off than tell anyone. He stood on his knee in front of him, wiping off his tears and sorrow, but now the boy knew that it was just a huge fat lie. He was bleeding, hurting and absolutely broken at the time, and he _needed_ Alex's help, he needed his support, he needed his _silence_. They'd been quite close then, but now they were not more than strangers. 

Isak came up to the gym's locker room and sneaked a peek inside. It was quiet; he only heard distant shouting of their PE teacher and the sounds of people talking. Praying not to bump into anyone in the room, he quickly threw his backpack in an empty locker and went outside, careful not to be seen. The football field was filled with students doing their stretching, jumping and chatting in small groups. Their teacher was sitting on the football bench near the entrance, buried in some paperwork, and it was the best timing to join his class unnoticed.

He slowly tiptoed behind the bench, within a dangerous proximity to the teacher, successful at not making any noise. If he was good at something, then it was sneaking in. He was a master of escaping (both in and out - gained skills by regularly leaving his house at nights to get drunk with Jonas), and he'd probably make a great burglar if he wasn't rich as fuck.

Isak hid behind the plastic wall and tried to find any friendly faces on the grass. 

_Thank God. Mahdi._

Mahdi was stretching his legs not far from a group of his mates, and the boy felt heavy weight lifting off his shoulders at the thought of not having to be there on his own. 

Mahdi smiled, noticing Isak. 'What are you doing?' he whispered. Isak pointed at a wall to his left where Mr. Johansen was minding his own business and got an understanding grin. Mahdi showed him an 'ok' sign and approached the teacher, distracting him with something concerning the grade he got at the past volleyball practice.

Isak jumped out of his shelter and joined others at their exercise like he'd never even been late.

'Haven't seen you for ages!' Mahdi said, after a couple of moments, finally free of Mr Johansen grip. That man loved to talk, and woe a brave man that dared to ask him something. He could chat for hours.

'Sorry.' Isak muttered, nodding in the teacher's direction.

'No worries, man. What's up?'

Isak opened his mouth, but Mr. Johansen's loud shout muffled any voices on the field.

'Attention, kids!' he shouted and then whistled a couple of times to wake up some students, lying on the grass and pretty obviously sunbathing.

'Come on, pair up! Find a partner and start with basic exercises.' 

Isak had already turned back to Mahdi to claim him first, but the teacher shook his head:

'Valtersen, Disi - apart. I'm tired of your constant fooling around.'

'Sorry, dude.' Mahdi uttered and gave him a sad smile, walking away to his classmate who was already waving at him.

'You don't have a pair?' Mr. Johansen asked, guessing by Isak's lost gaze.

'N-no?..' he said dumbly.

'I can be your partner.' they heard a soft girlish voice from behind. 'My friend is sick today, so I'd be happy if you paired with me'. Isak turned around and saw Isabelle.

He widened his eyes instinctively and looked around, searching for any sign of Jake or his friends. 

'So?' she smiled, raising her eyebrows.

He took a moment to weigh pros and cons of this gamble while Isabelle eyed him impatiently. He couldn't exercise alone as well as he didn't want to offend the girl by refusing her offer. There also didn't seem any trace of Jake or his agents, wherever they could have been. Sometimes they left early, giving no fuck about the 10%, because nobody in this school would dare to kick out the governor's son... Actually, this unspoken rule worked on any rich kid in their school and on Isak in the first place (because he was possibly the richest one out there). So this meant that Jake played hooky, although he promised Isak to meet him at PE. 

Isabelle was looking at him expectantly, while others had already started exercising. Well, shit. He had to do something.

'Okay.' he breathed out, looking straight into her joyful eyes. He'd never felt awkward around her; they just managed to speak the same language. If it wasn't for Jake, again... They would have been really good friends.

Everybody was already doing crunches: one was lying on the ground and the other keeping their knees still. Isak decided to lie first, allowing Isabelle sit on his feet and hug his knees with her small hands. She latched on his legs firmly, having some trouble keeping him in place. It was kind of cute. Isak liked how delicate women were; he enjoyed their sweet scent, their smooth skin, their calming voices. It reminded him of his mother, of how peaceful and loved he felt in her arms. Isabelle's touch was so soft and gentle that he couldn't hold back an affectionate smile, causing the girl smile in return. Every time he got up, tensing his abs, her grin grew bigger and she held on him tighter.

'I think it's my turn.' she almost whispered, watching him doing his workout.

'Oh, okay.' Isak stopped and quickly sat up, letting her take his place.

'Though I probably won't last long.' she uttered, trying to find a comfortable position with her knees bent. Isak hurried to reassure her:

'Don't worry. Do as much crunches as you can.'

She beamed. 'Okay. Hold me tight.' she crossed her arms on her chest.

He obeyed, hugging her bare knees and leaning closer. She was as light as a feather and Isak didn't need much strength to hold her still, so he relaxed in the position, looking around to see how other students were doing. Which was his biggest mistake, because many boys stared at him with jealousy, even being busy with their own tasks. A sudden realization struck him; he remembered what he'd heard in the toilet just an hour ago. Everybody in their school now considered them a couple. It was not a rumor anymore: they were exercising together, holding each other tight and smiling and talking and _oh, God_ they were doing it the very next day she told Jake they'd been dating.

But Jake wasn't here. His friends weren't here. And other people bothered him, of course, but not more than his personal bully.

'One, two, th-three, f-four...' she counted breathlessly, while shakily moving her torso up and down. After a few more attempts, Isabelle collapsed on the ground, face flushed and her brown hair a bit damp.

'You okay?' he giggled, feeling his heart flutter a little at the sight. If he had a younger sister, he'd want her to be like Isabelle.

'I warned you.' she laughed, looking completely wasted.

'It's fine.' he smiled, still holding her knees in case she wanted to continue. Which obviously she didn't.

'Students! Stop now. Let's move on to the next exercise.' Mr. Johansson commanded. 

'Help me, or I'll be lying here all day.' she laughed, extending her arm. Isak stood up and grabbed her palm, intending to put her straight on her feet. If only he had known, what this would lead to, he would have never taken her hand.

Isak pulled her gently, but then something went wrong and the next moment he was already lying on top of her, between her spread legs; face pressed against her neck.

'Aw!' she breathed out, when his heavy body collapsed onto her small one.

'S-sorry.' he groaned in her ear, still shocked by what happened. His heart was pounding so hard, that Isabelle probably felt it too.

Never had he ever in this life imagined himself lying in such an unambiguous position (between a girl's legs!!!) in front of a whole class. 

'Hey, get a room!' someone shouted, causing a round of applause, laugh and cheers. 

'Go, Valtersen!' 

'Yeah, man!'

Someone whistled. It echoed in his head.

It was just a brief moment, but he felt everything. **Shame. Awkwardness. Fear.**

Isak quickly rolled off the girl and sat onto fake grass, staring at Isabelle wide-eyed. She looked not less surprised; but not ashamed, not really. 

'What the fuck?!' Isak heard a voice behind them. He instinctively turned and saw Jake, standing in the doorframe of the locker room and holding a net of volleyballs.

_No-no-no-no-no. ___

__What could be worse?_ _

__'No swearing in this holy school! You are the future of this country, you can't talk like that!' Mr. Johanssen shouted. 'Blom, leave the balls and go pair up with someone.' he pointed at his friends who got on the football field just right after him. 'And no swearing!'_ _

__Jake slowly passed by, never breaking eye contact with Isak and making him shiver from head to toe._ _

__'Hey, Valtersen! What are you doing there sitting on your ass? Get up!' their coach shouted, heading for the bench and taking a bag filled with volleyballs._ _

__Isak slowly stood up, zigzagging and feeling dizzy. Isabelle watched him with concern, probably noticing his lost gaze:_ _

__'You okay?' she touched his arm. 'Don't mind Jake, he's stupid.' she smiled. 'We should continue, remember? Or our disgruntled coach will kick us out.' Isabelle giggled, considering the situation funny._ _

__Jake was stupid, Isak knew that better than anyone. But _that_ stupid guy gave him a punch anytime Isak was more than one kilometer close to his crush._ _

__'Yeah...' he whispered, letting her lead him to the center of the field, where Mr. Johansen was already giving out balls._ _

__To his utter surprise Jake never looked at them during the following two hours of practice, not even once. This was something new: when Jake Blom was pissed off, he always let it out by shouting, crashing something, or... by beating someone in quiet places. But seeing him completely chill after he caught them in a meaningful position was a complete discovery. Had he probably decided to back off, when Isabelle finally made her choice?_ _

__When the lesson was over and Isabelle said her goodbye to retreat for the girls' locker room, Mr. Johansen asked Isak to gather balls and put them back into the bag. When he found the last ball and went towards the bench, sighing in relief, something violently hit him in the lower back. The punch was so strong, that he swang, falling on his hands and letting the balls roll around. He had spent so much time gathering them and now..._ _

__'You're welcome, Valtersen!' Jake shouted. 'This is a warning. I'd recommend you to stay out of my sight.' he showed him middle finger and disappeared behind the locker room's door._ _

__Isak exhaled heavily, wiping his palms with his white T-shirt from the sand that covered the ground under the bench. This _wasn't_ something new, and his lower back now really hurt from the hit, promising him a multicolored bruise that wouldn't come off in weeks._ _

__Still, they were alone on the field - no witnesses, no limits to his actions - and Jake only threw a ball at him. A weak move, considering his usual behavior._ _

__Isak had never been so confused in his life. Should he be especially cautious with this sudden change of behaviour, or was it that Jake finally decided to leave him alone?_ _

__\---_ _

__Isak paced out of the school and jumped into his car, still wearing football pants. It wasn't safe to get undressed in the locker room with Jake being somewhere around._ _

__Alex turned from his driver seat and opened his mouth, willing to say something, but Isak shook his head._ _

__'Shut up and drive me home.' the boy made himself comfortable, wrapping in a blanket and pushing the conditioning button on the remote control. He wasn't hot, but the cold air helped him relax a little. And think. He had a lot to think about what happened today. He'd probably add this day to the list of the strangest days of this year._ _

__While they were moving from one highway to another under the warm rays of sun, a sign of summer slowly finding its way to Norway, Isak tried to come up with at least something, any possible thing that he'd done wrong to Isabelle. They had never been particularly close, but she was nice to him when they chatted from time to time. She was nice to him today too, was she probably thinking that Isak didn't know about her conversation with Jake yesterday?_ _

__Why would she do that to him?_ _

__He was so fucking confused._ _

__She told Jake that Isak and she were dating. And they practically grinded against each other on that football field. What could be worse? Isak was hoping to make it to the middle of July at least once being as quiet as a mouse. But now?_ _

__He should never be easy on Jake. Whatever his behavior seemed like, it was _Jake_. And Jake hated Isak. It always worked like that and he doubted anything would change._ _

__Tomorrow was going to be a nightmare._ _

__He had to skip school. Pretend being ill at least for tomorrow. Maybe Jake calms down by Monday?_ _

__Bullshit. _Don't try to be positive, Isak. He thinks you stole his girl. He's definitely going to bury you alive.__ _

__The boy watched trees and people pass by while they rode in the busy city center, and he suddenly felt so, so tired. Tired of all the school shit, of Jake, of Isabelle, of himself._ _

__When he started drifting into painful sleep, wrapped in a warmth of his plush blanket, his phone made four weeps of a dying duck._ _

____**LEAnardo [13:12]**  
hey baby mole  
wanna skip school tomorrow?  
my friend is throwing a beach party  
don't want you to be upset because of Alex 

____**You [13:13]**  
hi Da Vinci  
why do you even ask?  
have i ever voluntary refused to get drunk? 

__**LEAnardo [13:14]**  
hey, you're only sixteen_ _

__**You [13:14]**  
Lea you gave me condoms for my last birthday and a bottle of martini for Christmas_ _

____**LEAnardo [13:15]**  
You make me sound like a horrible sister  
I just hate that shitty Tuborg beer you drink every time you're out with Jonas  
Well, ok  
I take my offer back  
Go to school 

____**You [13:17]**  
hey waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit  
i'm shutting up  
i wanna go  
but how are we going to fool Dad and my asshole driver? 

____**LEAnardo [13:18]**  
We won't  
Dad knows  
He thinks it's just a sleepover with two of my friends  
And I stressed that you need to get out sometimes and meet new people  
Because you're constantly locking up in your room and don't go outside  
And you need to swim in the sea, cause you've caught a flu 5 times this year  
and etcetera 

____**You [13:20]**  
Jesus you're a genius  
where has it been all this time 

__**LEAnardo [13:21]**  
you're walking on thin ice _ _

__**You [13:21]**  
i'm shutting up [2]_ _

____**LEAnardo [13:22]**  
great  
make sure you don't have any assignments and stuff 

__**You [13:23]**  
i can deal with my homework myself thanks lea_ _

____**LEAnardo [13:24]**  
ok baby mole i gotta go  
going out tonight  
don't be bored  
see ya tomorrow 

__**You [13:24]**  
You can find condoms in my drawer _ _

____**LEAnardo [13:25]**  
hey!  
i'm loyal to Even  
from now on and forever 

__After Lea mentioned Even, Isak's playful mood faltered. He was a little envious; Lea got to have a bright life, with many people around. She was able to find a boyfriend, and not just some ordinary boyfriend; Even looked more like a model, with styled hair, big blue eyes and plump, very much kissable lips. Isak watched them move as they talked yesterday, when Even was in his room _naked_. And well, he did not only watch that pretty lips in such circumstances, the guy in whole looked so fucking..._ _

__Wait, what?_ _

___Shut up, shut up, shut up. You can't think shit like that about Lea's boyfriend! No-no-no._ Isak threw his blanket over his head and laid on the seat, burying his face in the soft material. Months had passed since the last time he fell for a boy unrequitedly, and he needed no more suffering, thank you very much. _ _

__He'd accepted that he was into boys in middle school, when having his first embarrassing boner in a common shower room after football practice. He was thirteen at that time; and his body was changing rapidly, causing sudden dirty thoughts fill his mind when he was least prepared to handle them. His body's reaction startled him, making him run away with soapy hair and the reddest blush across his cheeks. He cried a lot after that, and when Lea walked into his room, scared that he was in pain or something, he couldn't explain what happened, because of the deep shame eating him inside._ _

__Isak wanted to be loved back. Was it possible? Theoretically, yes. Lea often said that there's a special someone for everyone in this world._ _

__However, even if the world turned upside down and some crazy boy fell for him, would he be able to accept it and be open about it?_ _

__He doubted that._ _

__He couldn't bear the thought of people judging him, pointing at him, saying mean words, like 'faggot', 'queer' or even simply 'gay'._ _

__Maybe he could just use the circumstances and try dating a _girl_ , someone like Isabelle? Maybe it was possible? He never tried, so... Would he be able he kiss her? Touch her? However, they did touch today at PE; she was 'the hottest chick at school' and he felt nothing. _Fuck,_ he felt nothing, lying between her legs!_ _

__Still, some primal and most honest part of him, hidden deep inside by fears and embarrassment, wondered what it would feel like to have his lips pressed to another boy's lips?.. to lips belonging to someone like Even, for instance?.._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you may have already guessed, the beach party is coming! And you know how these parties are...Games, dares, alcohol...A pinch of flirt, a drop of feelings... Some confusion... A couple of completely unintentional glances...
> 
> There was no Evak interaction in this chapter, but the next one will compensate it all! I promise!  
> See you soon, loves <3
> 
> P.S. I wonder, what countries are my readers from?  
> P.P.S. Have you noticed that there are less evak fics posted every day? I'm not happy :(( guys, lets keep this fandom alive.
> 
>  
> 
> my tumblr is [smyonlyone](https://smyonlyone.tumblr.com/), since some of you have been asking :) you can msg me if you want...


	5. The beach party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alcohol brings people together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there ;)
> 
> "Beach parties are the best parties" (c)
> 
> My patient beta: BlizzardSnow

**Isak**

'What are you doing?' Isak asked skeptically, watching Lea bend in a ridiculous position on the yoga carpet in front of the TV. He just got down from upstairs, yawning and starving, and caught his big sister repeating exercises after some middle-aged woman from youtube. Their big living room was lit by the sun and the weather looked promising enough for the planned beach party to go well. 

'What does it look like?' she groaned, barely balancing on her left feet. She was wearing a pair of pink leggings, a pink bra, and her stomach piercing shone bright like a diamond. Well, a diamond it was, after all.  


'Erm... we kinda have to leave in an hour, so... don't you have to like... put on makeup and stuff? I know that it takes an eternity for you.' he stood in the middle of the corridor, dressed in a T-shirt and boxers, barefoot and confused.

'Oh, brother, don't worry about me. I'll be fine.' she stretched her leg and touched her forehead with it. 'By the way, you should take care of that mess on top of your head. And dress nicely. Rita wants to introduce you to her younger sister. She has seen your photo and she thinks you're cute.' Lea beamed at him.

'What?' he scoffed, all the sleepiness gone. He was completely taken aback by this offer. 

'You're free to decline. If you finally tell me you're gay, of course. Otherwise, I don't see a reason why a pretty boy like you would want to waste your youth on being sad and alone.' 

'I'm not gay!' he yelled, feeling his cheeks heat up. He was lying. He'd forever be lying about that.

'Okay.' she shrugged and turned back to her youtube workout.

 _Stupid Lea. What has she made up this time? Can't she just leave me alone for once?,_ Isak thought, stomping angrily into the kitchen. _And I'm not pretty,_ he finished grumpily, before finding a big sandwich on the counter and biting into it with rage.

Two hours later Isak was lying on the couch, playing Fruit Ninja on his phone and mindlessly humming some song to which Lea had exercised the whole morning. She went upstairs an eternity ago and still hadn't come back. That girl was irresponsible. Isak didn't get that. Did they really share genes?

When she came down another half an hour later, Isak made a disgruntled noise.

'Like I said. Getting there before the party starts will be a miracle. Was it you who wanted to swim while there’s still light?' he rolled his eyes.

Lea wrinkled her nose, checking something in her backpack. 

'What is this?' he shook his head in disbelief, pointing at her legs.

'What?' Lea examined them with an anxious expression. 'What? A bug? A stain? What?"

'It's your clothes! Why are you almost naked?'

'Oh, Jesus, you scared me, Isak!' she got her hands on her hips, glancing at him angrily. 'It's a beach party! You're supposed to be almost naked!'

'You're supposed to get almost naked to swim, not to walk around in these shorts and shoving your ass in someone's face!' he said grumpily.

_Would Even like it?_

Isak widened his eyes, realizing what he just thought. 

He started slapping himself on the cheeks.

'Have you packed up everything?' she gave him the 'what the fuck are you doing' look.

'Yeah?' he shook his head, growing irritated by Lea, by the stupid workout woman from youtube, by the beach party, by himself and his ridiculous thoughts. 'Have you?'

'I think so.' she shrugged and threw the backpack over her shoulders. 'Okay, let's go, baby mole.'

Isak scrunched his eyes at the nickname. 'Don't call me like this when we're at the party.'

'Oh, what's wrong, baby mole?' she cooed, coming closer and grabbing him by the cheeks. 'Are you ashamed of being cute? Don't. Girls will love you.' she pecked him wetly and slapped him on the shoulder. 'Come on, get up.'

'Ew.' he wiped his cheek and got up from the place he was drifting to sleep a couple of minutes ago before Lea finally decided to show up.

Isak followed her to the car, trying to look disgruntled, but it was almost impossible after she behaved so affectionately. He hated to admit it, but his sister giving him attention was something he secretly craved.

Lea opened the trunk to drop their bags inside.

'You're going to drive today?' he was surprised. Dad rarely let Lea get behind the wheel.

'Yeah.' she opened the door and sat inside. Isak followed, settling on the seat next to her. 'It's not so far away from here. Close to the Huk.' she mumbled, starting her X6. 'We'll probably need a car there at some point. If everyone's sober enough to move towards the club Saturday night.'

They were planning to crash the house on Friday night, and then try not to die of intoxication before heading to the local night club on Saturday. Crazy people.

'You'll be drinking too, Lea. We both know you will, and you can't drive drunk.' he laughed.

'Oh, I sure will.' she giggled. 'It's okay, though, Even will drive and he doesn't drink.'

'He doesn't drink?' Isak asked, shocked. 'Why?'

'He's had some unpleasant experiences.' she shrugged, driving to the gates. 'Bad alcohol tolerance, I guess.'

Well, yeah, why not? It happens. Isak was more pleasantly surprised than pushed away, actually. Not many guys could stay away from drinking at parties like this one.

They stayed silent until Lea turned the BMW around from the country road to the highway. Isak was fumbling with his hoodie laces nervously, wishing to ask a question that concerned him for some time lately. Trying not to sound very keen, he carefully asked, eyes glued to the road:

'Are you two already dating?' he tried to sound indifferent but it came out a bit sad. 

'Mhm?' she looked up from the road for a second, surprised by the question that broke the comfortable silence between them. 'Well, not really, not yet.' she chewed her lip. 'I hope tonight it changes, though. Why are you asking?' she smiled. 'Afraid that I won't have enough time for my baby mole when I get married?'

He laughed helplessly, trying not to think about what she wanted to do with Even tonight. Knowing Lea it could be anything.

'You wish.'

About twenty minutes later they drove into the bordered territory with a pretty beige cottage in the midst of it. The broad driveway was almost empty, only two cars parked nearby. Despite Lea's long packing up, they managed to come early.

'Okay.' Lea said, stopping the car and getting out. 'The girls are already here.' she smiled at him, before slamming the door.

He would have lied saying that he wasn't nervous to meet her friends. Although they'd probably forget about him as soon as they exchange greetings, he still dreaded the moment he'd be in the center of attention. Even if it were just a couple of minutes. 

'Hi!' Lea's friends met them when they were halfway to the kitchen. The girls pecked each other on the cheek in turns, and then one of them walked over to Isak. 

'Shit! Look at you, Isak!' a brown-haired girl exclaimed. 'You're a man now! Haven't seen you for a year, but how is it possible to change so much?' she laughed. 

_Yeah. Right. Rita. **That** Rita. Now I remember. She saw me crying like a baby a year ago. Perfect. Couldn't be better._

He gave her something resembling a polite smile and turned away towards the living room, coveting to get changed and escape to the beach. Where he could spend a couple of hours reflecting about his pathetic life and maybe cry a little. Just tiny little tears of stress. No drama. He didn't want to cry when he got drunk in the evening. His body considered getting drunk the best timing for spilling salty liquid out of his eyes. Well, yeah, it happened. When he drank too much. 

He'd been to this house before. Last year, while having a huge mental breakdown after meeting his Grandfather. Lea urgently drove him to this "Paradise" house, where he was supposed to calm his nerves. But instead of treating his mind right, he was trying to drown this damn house in tears.

_I'm such a pussy. No wonder Jake beats me up. I literally have a target on my forehead._

'Hey, Isak.' Lea walked into the living room, expression suspiciously cheerful. 'There's a bathroom down the hall, you should go change into swimwear. Leave through the backdoor, it leads right to the beach.'

_Oookay... Time to get lost until everyone's drunk enough to not notice my presence._

He got changed into blue swimming trunks that hugged his hips tightly, threw his sports bag over his shoulder and went out, exhaling fresh salty air deep into his lungs. The sun hid behind cotton clouds, making the scenery gray and moody, but he liked it nonetheless. The weather suited him. It was sad but relaxing. Just what he loved.

The beach was clean, not a sign of any litter on the creamy sand, and Isak happily smiled, throwing off his sneakers. It was quiet and peaceful, not a soul around, and he hurried to get into the salty water and disappear out of people's sight.

Waves tickled his bare feet while he made his first careful steps into the calming sea. The water was quite cold, but it was stifling today and Isak knew he would get warm as soon as he started swimming. He walked further and further, feeling stiff sand and stones under his feet, hissing when cold water embraced him in new places. 

When his body adjusted to the temperature, Isak carefully dived in, wetting his hair. He wasn't a skilled swimmer, rarely visiting swimming pools, because they were usually packed with sweaty bodies he didn't desire to grind against. But still, he loved swimming. It indeed calmed the nerves and Isak needed such treatment right now.

He swam and swam, trying to open his eyes underwater a couple of times, which was utterly stupid as the salt water only stung in his eyes. Isak rubbed his probably already reddened eyelids and turned around to get back to the beach when he noticed someone's silhouette floating on the water surface beside him.

And that's when he screamed.

He screamed and swallowed a decent amount of water that went straight into his windpipe. He was trying to swim out, to spill the burning liquid out of his lungs, but each time he kicked out, the water only dragged him back into its transparent depth.

And then the worst happened.

He was twitching his limbs so hard that his left foot started cramping. A terrific pain paralyzed him; he couldn't move his left leg, where the muscles were so, so tense that any movement made him scream, again and again, filling his mouth with water each time he did it.

_That's it. The end. Mamma, Lea, Pappa, I love you._

The water was everywhere. The darkness was everywhere. His limbs softened. His body relaxed.

He was already almost passed out when strong arms wrapped him around the neck and dragged him back onto the water surface. 

'Isak... Hold on... please...' the voice was barely audible, but he could swear that it were the angels coming to take him, judging by the way he was smoothly dragged across the sea somewhere far, far away from the spot where he was choking a moment ago. 

'Please...' the hoarse voice pleaded into his ear, hands hugging him tighter, fingers pressing harder into his collarbone, almost painful if only he could feel something. 

But he was already numb.

An angel was coughing and cursing, hot breath tickling his ear, and Isak thought that maybe it was not an angel, 'cause they probably wouldn’t allow themselves to throw bad words at people they take away to heaven.

The boy didn't recall the moment his body stopped floating, but the next second something was strongly pressing against his chest, apparently trying to squeeze his heart out of his ribcage.

He heard some illegible words, distant pleads, "fucks" and "come ons", he felt someone's lips on his own, trying to fill his chest with oxygen or the other way round, he didn't understand. The only thing he dreamed of was to fall asleep and forget the pain, the suffering, the terrified screams, everything. Everything.

'Fuck, Isak! Breathe! Fucking breathe!' the man yelled. Something hit his lungs especially hard and he finally came back to his senses, sitting up and throwing up on the sand with all the blistering liquid he had inside his body.

He _was_ breathing, indeed. Isak wasn't aware that something was wrong until the spilling water made him feel like it had burnt all his insides. He was coughing, throwing up and wheezing until there was nothing left. Sand stuck to his wet palms while he was burying them into the ground in search of something to grasp onto.

The stranger wrapped his arms around Isak's back, bringing him closer and clutching his head to his broad chest. The boy breathed heavily into the moist skin that moved up and down rapidly under his owner's breath. His nose and lips were shamelessly pressed against the stranger's torso, but Isak still wasn't in a state of mind to think clearly.

'You scared the shit out of me!' the man said out of breath, tugging at Isak's damp hair and bringing him even closer, his heart thumping like crazy against his ear; when the boy recognized the voice.

'Even?' he croaked, coughing carefully, trying not to vomit again, when Even moved away, cupped his face in his big palms and looked at him.

'That's not how I imagined meeting you today.' he was frowning but the genuine concern in his eyes made Isak feel embarrassed the way he hadn't been in a while.

_Oh God. Oh God. Oh God._

Even's face was flushed, little droplets dripping from his darkened hair onto his chin, and he was still panting. His eyelashes were glued in small tufts, framing his bright blue eyes, wide-open and staring directly into Isak's soul.

Isak wasn't wrong. Even must definitely be an angel.

While Even's hands were still touching his cheeks, Isak finally realized what had happened. He nearly died. He was choking and drowning in the sea, the place he once felt the safest. His corpse would have been carried away by the current and no one would have found him. Lea would have never seen him again. Dad would have been broken. And Isak, himself, would have never felt his mother's embrace again.

Tears filled up his eyes and he started sobbing, removing Even's hands and burying his face in his own.

'Hey, it's okay. You're fine now. You're fine now.' Even repeated, while Isak was trembling on the sticky sand and shattering into tiny pieces. Even's hands were on his shoulders, strong and supporting, and stayed there until Isak somehow calmed down a little. Enough to get rid of his blurry vision and look at his savior who was sitting in front of him.

'I'm s-sorry.' Isak hiccupped, wiping thick tears off his puffy eyes.

'Nothing to be sorry for.' Even replied gently.

'I made you risk yourself there.' he sobbed again, keeping his mouth shut, afraid to make any more embarrassing sounds.

'Hey, don't say that. None of it was your fault. It was my fault. I sneaked up on you unintentionally. I wanted to say hello, but could not make it from afar. When I swam closer, you got startled. I'm so, so sorry, you can't even imagine.' 

Even got up, while Isak was processing his words, and unzipped Isak's bag, taking out a big towel.

'Here,' he wrapped Isak's trembling body in the hidebound fabric. The sun was gone completely, leaving cold air rule the weather, and Isak was freezing, Even could tell. He was rubbing Isak's arms and legs hidden by the towel, trying to warm him up.

Isak didn't dare to move.

Even's movements were so caring, so gentle and warm. Isak's teeth stopped rattling.

He couldn't look at Even.

It was pleasant yet so strange. He had seen Even three times already, but before this moment he hadn't actually _looked_ at him.

_Don't think you're special. He would to it to anyone. Especially to Lea. He belongs to her._

Isak was scared and still trembling, unable to realize that Even just _saved his life_. He couldn't wrap his head around it. That could have been the end. Just a puff - and he would’ve been gone. Forever. No coming back. 

He was getting beaten regularly, he broke his limbs several times, he fell and got hurt plenty of times. But today he was close to an end. Although it wasn't the first time, the first time was when he tried to... 

'I think I need to tell Lea about this.' Even said, standing up. He was in his light blue swim trunks which were sitting freely on his hips, unlike Isak's. The boy suddenly felt naked, and curled deeper into the towel, hiding his feet that still hurt even after his muscles relaxed.

'Please, don't.' Isak said quietly.

'Why?' Even raised his brows. 

Isak finally met his eyes.

'Just don't. Please.'

Something in Isak's expression apparently made Even give up without any other questions.

'Okay. But you should get back into the house. Drink some water and wear warm clothes. If you don't have any, I brought a sweater and you can wear mine. ' Even held out his hand willing to help Isak stand up.

Isak ignored the reached out hand and curled up even more.

'I have water in my bag. And I want to stay here some more.' Isak stated and was surprised by the absence of doubt in his voice. He managed to insist on what _he_ wanted right now. Which was something new.

'Okay. Let's stay here some more.' Even agreed, settling next to Isak.

Isak hastened to reassure him,

'Oh, you can go... No need to wait for me. Just leave me.'

Even scoffed: 'Are you kidding? You just almost drowned, no way I'm leaving you alone!'

'Okay...' Isak whispered, lowering his head.

They went silent for a while. Even was throwing little glances at Isak, which made him uncomfortable. _Does he want me to say something?_

'Have you warmed up?' Even finally asked, but Isak didn't look at him. He was feeling shyness, now, when fear for his life was gone.

'Yeah,' he quietly mumbled, getting out of the towel, but still hugging his knees. 

'Why are you here alone?' Even asked. 'Where's Jonas?'

Isak giggled. 'He's meeting a girl from Tinder tonight.'

'Tinder, huh?' Even chuckled. 'Do you meet girls from Tinder too?'

'Pfff, no.' Isak rolled his eyes, smiling.

'Why not?'

Isak wanted to say that people like him prefer Grindr to Tinder but bit his tongue before it slipped out. He didn't use either of them. Well, actually, he tried Grindr once and was bombarded with so many dirty texts, that his unprepared and innocent psyche couldn't bear it.

He kept silent instead.

But Even obviously couldn't stand this silence and said:

'You know... We can talk about what happened.'

Isak frowned a little. 'About what?'

'About this.' he gestured to the sea. 'You almost drowned, Isak.' 

His eyes were full of sympathy, and Isak hated when someone apart from his family and best friends pitied him.

_You don't know me._

'I'm okay.' he shrugged, turning away. They were silently watching how waves erased any traces of what happened here a few moments ago.

'Mental pain is far worse than physical.' Even muttered. 'Your body can forget about what happened, but your mind won't. It's okay. It doesn't mean you're weak or stupid. The human brain is complicated, but our souls are even more.'

Isak was staring at the sand below Even's big feet and wondered who the fuck that boy was.

Did Even know something about mental pain? Isak was in constant mental pain, and _this_ pain was not something he was shocked to experience. To be honest, somewhere at the back of his mind he expected something like this to happen one day. Because Isak knew that one day he would have to pay for his sins.

He deserved it.

Even continued. 'What just happened isn't "okay", Isak. You shouldn't just brush it off. Taking care of your mind is as important as hygiene or eating.'

Why was he talking like something bad had happened to him, too?

'Okay.' Isak whispered.

'So... how are you feeling? Emotionally, I mean?'

'I'm fine... I mean, this was scary and stuff, but I'm okay, I think.' he said, voice hoarse from being mute for a long time. Well, and from being a bit nervous, too.

He wasn't going to expose his demons.

He heard Even sigh.

'Okay, no pushing. But you can talk to me anytime. Okay?' Even touched his arm and it burned.

'Okay,' Isak glanced at the boy for a brief moment, when his heart fluttered. 

_Fuck, he's beautiful._

Isak widened his eyes at the thought and jumped on his feet, losing his towel. Even stood up too, a bit surprised, but then bent to take Isak's towel from the ground and brushed the sand off the fabric in sharp motions.

'I wanna go back.' Isak muttered, barely breathing. His heart was thumping so fast like he had just run a kilometer.

'Okay, let's go back.' Even easily agreed. He took Isak's bag, picked up his Vans sneakers and gestured for the boy to go forward.

'I can...' Isak wanted to reach for his sports bag but Even deviated. "Just go, Isak.' he smiled.

The boy gave up under Even's gentle pressure and obeyed, moving forward. His feet were drowning in thick sand and he was limping and hissing every time his left feet got stuck. Even grabbed his right elbow, making him twitch a bit at the touch, and supported Isak's tired body while he was struggling with his feet.

'You know, I actually came here to tell you that the dinner's ready before all of this happened.' Even chuckled bitterly.

'Even?' Isak asked, remembering the most important part.

'Hm, yeah?' Even replied, all attention on Isak.

'Can you please... Keep this a secret? I mean, what happened. Don't tell anybody.' 

Even wanted to object, but Isak gave him such a pleading look that the boy nodded, eyes wandering on Isak's face: 'Okay. Our secret. Got it.'

'Thank you.' Isak whispered, and Even licked his lips, before replying with a soft 'Yeah.'

Isak got changed into his T-shirt and jeans and into Even's yellow sweater, which he was handed before retreating to the bathroom. He pulled on the sleeves and the neck, inhaling Even's scent. It smelled like warmth, happiness, and home. Which was strange and probably perverted. _Isak, the fuck are you doing?_

The boy went out of the bathroom, closing the door carefully, and stepped into the big kitchen, where everybody was already having dinner and chatting audibly. There were far more people that when he was here the last time. 

'Isak!' his sister noticed him standing in the doorframe and invited to sit next to her, pointing to the seat beside. 'I saved a place for you.' she said when he settled on his chair. 'Why did it take so long? I sent Even to find you a long time ago, the dinner's cooled off already.'

'Erm...' Isak avoided her gaze, scared that she would guess everything by his face. He looked at Even, who was staring at him several seats further, and silently asked him for help.

'Me and Isak got to talking a lot, time passed by quickly. And then I spent forever looking for my sweater, so...' He paused. 'Erm...He froze a little...' Even quickly made up a story, not really convincing (when you know the truth), but still, it made Lea smile. 

She leaned closer to Isak's ear and whispered, 'Got to talking, huh, little mole? I like it when you talk to people. Especially, Even. I'd be happy if you became friends.'

_Well._

_Good luck there, Isak._

-

Girls were pacing around the beach with some flags, garlands, lights, and tablecloths, whereas boys were taking out tables, speakers and food. The whole process was making him uncomfortable because apparently, he was the only one sitting on the porch and doing nothing. Except for drinking his favorite shitty Tuborg. 

It was dark. Well, it was 9 PM already, so. Only lights from the porch and the garlands lit up the beach, but it was enough for people to see each other.

'Hey, Isak!' Isak turned around to see a tall fair haired boy, someone from Lea's university, as far as he could remember. 'Come, help us with a few things!'. He was waving inside the house, where a group of boys was moving a couch and a TV to the corners of the living room to get the carpet underneath it, and Even was amongst them.

'Okay.' he came closer, and the blonde boy shoved him a box. 'Please put it next to the DJ set.' 

Isak put it where he was asked to and got back to his shelter, watching how the boys took out the carpet and spread it on the ground.

'Okay! We're done!' Lea exclaimed, clapping her hands. 'Now, everyone, get yourself a drink and we'll play a game.'

_A game? No-no-no. Thanks, but no. I need to escape. I hate games._

'Isak!' Lea caught his elbow right when he was about to enter the house.

 _FUCK!_ , Isak thought, scrunching his eyes. 

'Come on, baby mole, let's go and play. Stop running.'

'I told you, don't call me like that!' he hissed, looking at her.

'Okay, I won't. Only if you join us, of course.' Isak wrinkled his nose and continued his retreat, when Lea whispered, 'I'm going to tell my friends so many funny stories about you! Like when you woke the whole house screaming that we're on fire, making our Dad call the firemen but it turned out you were just sleepwalking...'

'Lea, shut up, or I...'

'Or that another time when a girl tried to kiss you and you...'

'Fine, fine!!!' he yelled. 'Just...shut up.' he groaned.

Sometimes he hated Lea.

'Okay, is everybody ready?' she beamed. 'We're gonna play 'Never have I ever'. Where's alcohol?'

_That's not a game, Lea. It's an excuse to fall off the wagon. And embarrass yourself._

'Next to the DJ set.' the blond boy replied.

'Great! Now let's sit in a circle, leaving space in the middle.'

Everybody ended up on the carpet, sitting in a tight circle and brushing each other shoulders; and Isak, dreaming that no one would pay attention to him when there were so many people around, took a free place next to some ginger girl. 

Even was sitting next to Lea, her thighs pressed to his in an almost obscene way. No one cared except for Isak, though. Because it was a fucking beach party where people were _supposed_ to grind against each other, make out and have drunken sex. 

'Hi, Isak!' he heard a familiar voice and shifted his attention from Even to a girl in whom he recognized Isabelle.

'Mhm, hi?' he asked, not getting what was going on. _What the hell?_

'I-...erm...Rita invited me, she's my cousin.'

_What. The. Fuck._

'Okay?' he raised his brows.

'Yeah... So would you mind if I sit here?'

-

**Even**

Lea was all over him to the point when it became uncomfortable. She was wearing tight sports shorts that looked more like boxers for women and a sports bra, exposing her chest. He had nowhere to look at, except for... Them. Her boobs.

Even looked up at Isak and caught him staring at him staring at Lea's boobs. Ha-ha. Perfect. Couldn't be better. The boy averted his eyes, and Even exhaled heavily, trying to imagine himself sitting next to the boy. If it was Isak grinding against him, Even would have been the happiest man alive.

But, tossing his obsession with the boy to the deepest corner of his mind, he wondered, why Isak looked so calm after what had happened to him. This wasn't 'okay' as the boy said earlier. It is not okay when you almost drown! It is not okay to brush it off!

He was getting annoyed by Lea's body pressed to his left side. Yes, he got it, it was supposed to pass for an accident as there was not enough free space for everyone and people pushed each other and tried to find a more or less comfortable position on the carpet. But they both knew she did it on purpose. He wasn't giving her attention and she was becoming desperate.

Isak looked so pretty in Even's yellow sweater. It wasn't cold outside, actually, it was almost hot but Even guessed, that Isak still could feel freezing water stabbing into his skin. Even knew this feeling better than anyone. He experienced it. He almost drowned too, when he was fifteen.

Even didn't like to recall that day. It was a part of his past he wished never existed. It was a part of his life that almost broke his mother's heart. It was the time he wanted to die.

So there was that boy he liked, the most precious and soft and beautiful boy he had ever met, and that boy almost drowned today. And _he_ was the reason for it. Even wanted to talk to him, to ingratiate himself with him, to throw a couple of stupid jokes and hear him laugh with that beautiful hoarse laugh of his. Instead, he got him choking, suffering, breaking down...

The moment he was trying to make Isak breathe was probably the scariest moment in his life. Taking his _own_ life wasn't as scary. Yes, Even knew the value of human's life now, after five years of being bipolar and dealing with all the possible consequences of that illness, but seeing someone else's...Someone special's... Life.... Isak's life... leaving his body was pure **_torture_**.

He tried to keep his composure there, on the beach, holding Isak's trembling body in his arms, because it was what Isak _needed_. And he was still keeping his cool, but Even knew that as soon as this beach party was over, he would cry a river of tears, of resentment towards himself. 

_I have to make it up to him._

'Okay, I'm going to start the game.' Lea mumbled close to his ear as if asking for his permission.

_A game. A fucking game! That's not what's important now! I can't play games after all this nightmare._

'O-okay?' he raised his brows helplessly because he knew he couldn't say any of his current thoughts aloud. Nobody knew except for him and Isak.

Lea smiled.

'We're gonna need lots of alcohol.' she hummed, standing up and heading for the middle of the circle. 

That's when Even looked at Isak again and spotted him chatting with some young girl. A really pretty, skinny, dark haired and blue-eyed girl. Reminding him of Miranda Kerr. And she was smiling and playing with her hair and touching Isak's arm like girls usually do when they flirt.

 _Get off him._ He thought grumpily.

'So!' Lea said cheerfully and brushed her blond hair with her right hand while the other was on her hip. She was enjoying the spotlight and Even's eyes on her. 'The obvious objective of this game is to make everyone drunk! One spins the bottle, and when it points to someone, that person says one thing they have never done. And those who have done it drink. As simple as that!' she giggled and everybody started cheering. 

'Let's get drunk! Let's get drunk!' The boys were singing, while some of the girls brought an empty bottle and a box full of dark beer. _Forty bottles, not less. Everybody's gonna to be so wasted._

'Okay, I'll start!' Lea suggested, getting out a plastic cup and the first beer. 'Never have I ever wore men's boxers.'

All of the boys poured themselves a drink and made the first move in the game. Except for Even, of course; however, everybody seemed to already know he was 'alcohol-free' or just didn't care. If Mikael was here, he would have joined Even in his lonely sobriety, but he stayed at home lying in bed with some flu.

They spent some time proposing dumb facts, drinking and drinking, until everyone was relaxed, laughing and tipsy. Tipsy-drunk. Somewhere in the middle. Isak's cheeks were already pinkish and if it was up to Even he would drag him out of here. The boy shouldn't have been drinking too much after he almost drowned.

Then the bottle pointed at that Miranda Kerr girl. 

'Never have I ever... lied on top of a girl on the football field.' she said. 'Between her legs.' she added. 

The girl was visibly blushing, and Isak looked like he was struck by a lightning.

When a dark haired boy to Even's right poured himself a drink, everybody broke into laughter.

'You caught me!' he shouted, raising a cup. 'Guilty.' 

'Isak...' Miranda girl addressed the boy. 'You have to drink too.'

Even needed a moment to process.

'What?' Lea shrieked. 'What did you say? Isak! What does she mean?' she was laughing and drunkenly leaning on Even, but he didn't care anymore.

'Drink, Isak.' The girl repeated, pouring him a cup and extending it.

'Wow, dude!' Someone exclaimed. 'Public sex! That's impressive!'

'Yeaaah, dude, kinky stuff, I like it!' 

Isak looked like he _needed_ that drink. So he drank it.

Lea squealed. 'Isa-a-ak!'

'Isabelle!' A brown-haired girl shouted. 'You and Isak fucked on a football field?'

Lea got off Even. 'Isak! You and Isabelle fucked on a football field?'

That was absolutely not something Even wanted to hear tonight. His thoughts were racing. 

_Isak has a girlfriend? No fucking way. Is he just fucking her? Possibly. But, shit. Oh shit. Shit. The fuck. He's mine. Mine. Is he? No, he's not. Shit, he is fucking this girl, isn't he?_

'We did not _fuck_.' Isak said, not looking up.

_But you did lie between her legs._

'Yeah, yeah, sure, brother. But always remember to wear a condom.' she hiccupped and giggled. 'To safe sex!' she exclaimed, raising a cup.

Everybody repeated, 'To safe sex!'

While others were laughing and screaming, Even was blankly staring at Isak. He felt his pipe dreams inevitably collapse. Isak was seeing another girl. Isak was having sex with another girl, Isak liked another girl, when Even was going crazy only over an opportunity to see him again. 

The game was over, people started to leave, wobbling towards the beach. Isak stood up too, grabbed a beer bottle and walked over to a table with food. 

_Fuck it,_ Even thought, getting up and taking out a beer from the box and making three giant sips. _I'm going to get drunk tonight._

\- 

Lea came up from behind and wrapped her arms around Even's stomach.

'Dance with me!' she shouted, trying to top the loud music that was banging on their temples. 

Even was already so, so drunk that nothing upset him anymore. He smiled and turned around, taking her hands in his.

 _'WE THA fUCKING ANIMALS!'_ Everyone screamed and jumped and squealed.

**Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat.**

It was dark, darker than black, and only colored disco lights lit up the crazy party they were having.

Green, red, blue, white. Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink.

**Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat.**

The sea waves were reflecting the light-show and everything was so fucking loud that they could probably be easily heard from Oslo.

Even shook his head to the beat, jumped and screamed with others.

_'WE THA fUCKING ANIMALS!'_

Lea was grinding against him, her hands reached for his cheeks and she was pulling him closer...

 _'WE THA fUCKING ANIMALS!'_ Isak screamed and dived in between them, breaking their almost-kiss.

'This song is LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!' The boy yelled, cutting air with his fists in a ridiculous drunken dance move.

Even laughed, throwing his head back and squealing stupidly. He danced away from Lea, following Isak and his precious glowing cheeks that shone brightly even in the dark.

'So cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!' Even was shrieking with laughter and reached out to pinch his right cheek.

Isak wrinkled his nose and started bobbing his head to the beat. He was waving his hands like a chicken, attempting to fly.

'OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!' Even was laughing so hard that his stomach hurt. 'ISAAAAAK!' he squealed.

'FUCK THESE ANIMALS!!!' Isak shouted, still waving his chicken wings and showing off his pretty gapped teeth.

They were drunk, out of their minds and would probably regret this all in the morning but still Even thought that he had never felt so content in his life.

-

Tomas and Erik decided to shoot fireworks, and everyone gathered on shallow, wetting their legs. It was cold, but they were so, so fucking drunk that no one gave a shit.

'I see aliens!' Someone shouted shakily, breathing out a steam of air.

'It's a plane, stupid!' Lea shouted.

'You both are stupid!' Isak shouted. 'It's a polar star!' 

Even looked at him amusingly. _I like it when you show off._

The boys shot the first firework. The beach got lit up by reddish lights and everyone started applauding. 

'Yeah! Beach parties are the best parties!'

Even diverted from the performance in favor of watching Isak. The boy was captivated by the lights, eyes misty and mouth agape.

'Woah.' he exhaled excitedly, barely smiling. Isak resembled a happy three-year-old, who saw something ordinary for an adult but completely magical for a child.

'You're so beautiful.' Even blurted out.

Isak shifted his gaze to Even. The fireworks were blowing up in his shining eyes, and the boy gave him a shy smile.

'The most beautiful boy on the planet.' Even added. He wanted to kiss him so badly.

Isak's smile became only wider at the words. The boy bit his lip, staring into Even's eyes drunkenly, and Even wanted to give everything he had for this moment to last forever.

_Be mine. Please. Forget her and be mine. I'll make you so happy. So, so happy._

As if he heard Even's thoughts, Isak rested his head on Even's arm and sighed deeply, closing his eyes. 

'I'm so happy.' the boy whispered.

-

Even drank another two beers. Or three. Saying that he felt dizzy was an understatement. It was so loud, so blurry and so messy that he wanted to hide somewhere. ASAP.

Another sip and he wouldn't be able to remember his own name. Even didn't understand where he was and who he was talking to, when trying to ask for directions. To the bathroom. Presumably. Or Preferably. Shit.

He got upstairs after some stumbling with his feet and crashed into the bathroom, barely standing still.

_Shit. I need to pee._

He fumbled with his zipper for another five minutes, until it finally gave up, and spilled the poison out of his system.

He went out, feeling a bit better and tried the first door. There were people having sex. Audibly. Like the house was on fire.  
_Gross,_ he thought, probably aloud, judging by their drunken cursing. He closed the door and went further down the corridor. Feeling his way out with his hands, Even somehow found an empty bedroom. 

_Sleep. Oh, sweet sleep. I'm coming,_ he sang to himself, crashing into the room and struggling with his jacket. After getting out of his sneakers, Even took off his shirt and then jeans, falling onto the bed. He was left in his boxers and the bed was cold and his heated body contrasted with it, making him shiver. He reached out for the duvet and pulled it over himself, exhaling shakily.

'Mhm...' he heard someone purr and extend their hands to grip the duvet. 'I'm cold!' Even heard Isak's voice. The boy's hand was wandering over Even's back, trying to get a hold of the fabric.

'Isak?' Even hummed. 'Is that you?'

'Yeah.' Isak giggled. 'It's Isak. And Isak's cold.'

Even smiled, eyes closed. 'Then come here, I'll share.'

'Okay.' Isak chuckled, moving closer and getting under the duvet, which Even lifted up for him.

They sniffled a little in unison, Even's back to Isak's front, until Even started sobbing.

'Hey, are you crying?' Isak hummed.

_You almost drowned today, stupid boy. Silly, silly, boy._

When the boy got no answer, Isak mumbled, 'It's okay. You're not a pussy if you cry. I always cry when I'm drunk. And I'm not a pussy. You're not a pussy.'

'I'm not dr-runnnnk.' Even argued.

They were silent for another minute when Even started weeping again.

'You should sleep with that girl you had sex with, not with me.' he groaned.

'I didn’t have sex with her, why is everyone saying that?' Isak howled. 

'You lay between her legs, she said it herself.'

'Arghhhh! Fuckers! I hate you all!' He shouted.

Even laughed, squelching his nose. 'You're funny.'

Isak moved around a bit, trying to take a comfortable position to fall asleep in, but after some struggling he shifted closer to Even's back, breathing on his skin,

'Wanna know what my Mamma did when I cried?' 

'Mhm, yeah.' Even hummed, laying on his back to look at the boy. It was dark, he didn't see his face but some light from outside still made it possible to see Isak's silhouette on the other half of the bed.

'She kissed me.' It was almost inaudible but Even saw the boy's lips move. Before he could comprehend what was going to happen, Isak had put his palm on Even's bare chest, gently brushing his tiny fingers across his collarbone down to his stomach, waking up goosebumps all the way.

Even held his breath, afraid to move. 

Isak froze, looking at Even's lips with heavy eyelids, and then suddenly straddled his lap, taking Even's face in his hands. 

'Don't cry.' The boy whispered, pressing his lips to Even's.

Fireworks. Bang. Budum. Puff. But this time they were blowing up in Even's lower stomach.

Isak smelled of beer, some sweets and himself. He was lightly pecking Even's lips, stroking his cheeks and breathing out heavily through the nose. 

The kiss was wet, drunk, thoughtless, but Even could not dare to stop it.

_Fuck._

He instinctively moved his hands up, touching Isak's sides. Even felt his ribs and his slim waist even through the sweater. The boy whimpered at the touch, and pressed his wet, soft and soaked with beer mouth even harder with his. There was no tongue but it was so fucking hot, probably the hottest kiss he had ever had. Even finally woke up from his trance and started kissing the boy back, threading his fingers in Isak's locks. 

Isak pulled away, giggling. 'I felt your tongue. It's funny.'

Even didn't get what was so funny about turning him into a complete mess. 

'Kiss me again.' he pleaded. 'I'm still crying.' Even pulled his head closer and Isak obeyed.

'Are you?' he hummed into his lips. 

'Yeah.' Even whispered. He started kissing him again but this time it was an open-mouth kiss. Even brushed his tongue over Isak's and it made him giggle again.

'It tickles!'

Even was panting. Isak was already lying between his spread legs and Even felt so aroused. This was probably the most intense make out session of his life. 

Isak was lying on top of him, hands on his chest, mouth moving lazily against Even's lips, tongue making tiny licks. At one point Isak stopped moving at all and Even parted their lips, looking at the boy.

Isak was sleeping. On his chest. And snoring a little.

Even threw his head on the pillow, looked at the ceiling with wide eyes, and felt his insanely fast heartbeat. He was shamelessly hard, gradually sobering up and he had no idea what to do with his life now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me if the chapters are too long or boring. The previous chapter was quite long, huh? I'm all for constructive criticism, my only goal is to become better at this, so ;) Yeah, leave a comment ;)
> 
> And leave a comment if you liked the chapter. And if you didn't like, do it either way.
> 
> See you soon <3
> 
> my tumblr is [smyonlyone](https://smyonlyone.tumblr.com/), since some of you have been asking :) you can msg me if you want...


	6. Sweet panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't even try to resist it, Isak. (Author's note)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AO3 had some issues and my fic couldn't be updated for the whole day, ugh.
> 
> Now the chapter is finally here! Yay!
> 
> My amazing beta: BlizzardSnow

**Isak**

**11:45**

Isak woke up to a weird feeling in his pants. The fabric got stuck to his skin and he squirmed, trying to get it off. 

Yup. He had a wet dream. Right in his sister's friend's house. 

The boy heavily exhaled, hiding his face in his palms. He didn't remember getting into this bed. Actually, he didn't remember anything that happened after the party had started and after Isabelle had embarrassed him in front of everyone.

_Ugh._

He was in the room alone. The door was slightly open and he could hear loud chatting from downstairs. Isak was hoping that no one entered the room while he was unconsciously getting off in his sleep.

But the dream was so nice, though. He could still feel butterflies in his stomach and someone's hands on his body. Isak could still remember kissing someone's wet lips and the pleasant sensation that spread across his abdomen with every move and with every lick of their tounges. He would have loved to move further. To see what could have happened next. Too bad it wasn't real. Too bad.

_Who the heck was it that got me so aroused?_

Isak got out of the bed with a disappointed sigh, ewing at the wetness and walking like a penguin, when he spotted his own sports bag on the floor. 

_How did it end up here? I could swear I left it downstairs yesterday._

He found a clean pair of boxers and jumped into the corridor in search of a bathroom. Isak heard sounds of splashing water and groaned, realizing he had to go downstairs. Thank God the second bathroom was empty. He lost his jeans somewhere in his sleep, and shuffling back and forth in sticky underwear was not really tempting.

Isak took a quick shower, changed into the fresh boxers and tossed the dirty ones into his hoodie's pocket. _Better, oh, so much better,_ he thought, smiling in satisfaction.

When he splashed through the water that covered the cold tiled floor and was about to walk out, someone turned the handle. Isak hastened to unlock the door and was met with Even's bright blue eyes.

'Uh, Hi!' Even looked surprised. His hair was a mess and he overall looked flushed and bothered. The black shirt he wore, almost unbuttoned and exposing his pale chest, was crumpled and damp in places.

They were staring at each other for a moment, until Even muttered, visibly uncomfortable, 'I need... a bathroom. But... if you're not finished, I...' He then shook his head and was going to leave but Isak stepped away, adding,

'I'm done. You can take it.' he almost whispered.

Even touched his hair, smiled nervously, and nodded,

'Okay... Thanks.'

When the door behind him closed, Isak wondered, what the heck was wrong with Even today. Where were his "chill guy" vibes?

_I haven't done anything embarrassing in front of him, have I? Like drunken crying or... telling him some dirty secrets?_

_Ugh. You should go and pray, Isak. How could you even get so wasted?_

_Why the fuck don't I remember anything!!!_

When Isak got dressed and finally went downstairs to have some snacks, cursing under his breath and trying to regain some memories from yesterday, he bumped into Isabelle. 

_A morning of fascinating encounters,_ Isak thought, scrunching his face.

'Morning, Isak! Or should I say afternoon?' she beamed. 'Are you hungry? There are pancakes and sandwiches! You can choose whatever you'd like! You know, I...' she didn't finish because Isak followed past her, settled at the table and poured himself a glass of orange juice, purposely ignoring her energetic chatter. He was hungover; his head and stomach apparently decided it was the right time to remind him of how much alcohol he had consumed the previous night, and seeing Isabelle only intensified the pain.

She obviously didn't get the hint, trying to start the conversation another couple of times, when Isak reached his annoyance limit and mumbled with a mouth full of pancakes,

'What do you want, Isabelle?' he rubbed his temple, making a disgruntled noise.

'Erm...' she paused. 'What do I want? Huh? Nothing. What do you mean?'

_My head hurts. Please, please, go away, before I say something rude._

'What I mean is... Why do you keep bugging me? What have I done to you?' 

_I need a painkiller._

'Bugging, huh?' she moved away a little, sounding offended. 

'I mean, yesterday at the game, then again all that "Hi, Isak, let's do PE together', on Thursday, when I knew that you told Jake you and I were dating, and you know how Jake is, he's giving me shit about you all the time!' he spilled it out in one go. 'Why do you hate me so much?' he wondered, throwing his hands up in the air and looking at her accusingly.

She was looking back at him with a bitter expression, chin trembling like she was about to cry.

'Are you blind?' she shook her head in disbelief, eyes glassy with tears.

_Oh, shit._

'What do you-'

'I like you, idiot!' she cried.

_What._

The room got very quiet, and it seemed like the house was completely empty while he and Isabelle stared at each other, Isak trying to digest her words.

'What?' he asked stupidly, staring at the girl, who was already wiping her pretty blue eyes from tears and fully weeping.

'Isak, honestly, I thought you were smarter...'

He kept staring at her dumbly, one thought circling in his mind on repeat, _You like me? You like ME? You LIKE ME?_

'Since the first day,' she breathed out, settling down a little. 'Since that day. In the autumn, when it was very cold already and I had to go home with wet hair because I forgot my hairdryer, and y-you,' she stammered, 'when you put your beanie on me, when we didn't know each other yet...' she wiped off another tear. 

He remembered that. She was alone, outside the school, waiting for her bus at the nearby stop. Isak's driver was late and he had to wait, freezing on the cold autumn street. He was in his uniform, no jacket or coat, as he didn't need that when Alex picked him up right out of the school's exit every single day, and the only thing keeping him warm was his blue beanie hat, which Jonas once accidentally put in Isak's backpack back in middle school. The girl was trembling, and Isak could see her dark damp hair locks, and a light gym hoodie she put over her school uniform in an attempt to warm up. And it broke his heart. Because that was exactly how Lea looked when she got dumped by her first boyfriend. By that bastard who was five years older than her... That bastard who let her go home without drying her hair or changing into warm clothes... The bastard that didn't even care enough to give her a fucking sweater so she wouldn't get a cold or something worse while getting home on foot because she didn't want anybody to know... 

Isak was thirteen at the time, but he already knew how cruel people could be. How they say words of love and then the next day kick you out of their apartment because they've played with you enough. It was Isak who met her at the driveway, shaking and crying, and hid her in the guesthouse, while their parents were sleeping soundly in their warm bed. It was him who ran her a bath and made her eat something so she wouldn't faint...

_Lea deserves the world. And you do too. That's what I was thinking that day on the bus stop._

'Guys don't treat me like you do. And that stupid Jake doesn't. He treats me like I'm his fucking property, they all do, because all they see is a body, something to own and fuck and brag about.' she bit her reddened and puffy lip and whispered, 'I like how you make me feel, Isak. You're the kindest person I've ever met.'

_My mother. My sister. You._

_I only wanted to treat you like you deserve to be treated._

Isak's intense glare softened. Isabelle didn't like him, she knew nothing about him. Isabelle liked the thought of someone treating her with kindness, and for Isak, treating women "with kindness" was something that was as natural as breathing. And it hurt so much hearing that the girl in front of him, that pretty, smart, genuine and kind girl, went head over heels because of someone, who just tried to be a decent person. 

'You don't like me.' He stated calmly.

She frowned. 'Of course, I like you.'

'Why did you do all that stuff with Jake and the rest?' he asked.

Isabelle lowered her eyes, fumbling with her hands. 'Isak, I'm sorry. I fucked up. I... I just thought that maybe Jake following me everywhere pushed you away and... And I know that you're shy, and... It's just... I wanted to make the first move... I'm sorry, it must have been embarrassing for you... I'm sorry, Isak.' She closed her eyes and started weeping again, tears slipping violently on her cheeks.

'I just want to be yours.' she whispered, and something inside Isak twitched because that was exactly what he thought about himself.

_I want to be someone's. I want to belong to someone. I want someone kind and caring, and generous to love me. I want to feel safe and wanted. I want to be loved back so badly._

Isak was ready to cry too. 

He reached for the girl and wrapped her in a tight embrace, feeling how violently she trembled. Isabelle made a sound of surprise and hugged him tighter.

'Don't ever be so obsessed with anyone.' he said quietly, feeling how the girl slowly relaxed in his arms.

'Mhm?' she hummed, snuggling up to the crook of his neck and almost purring.

'That thing on the football field, huh? At first, I thought it were my clumsy feet, but now looking back I know it was you.'

'I already said that I like you, Isak.' she chuckled with her nose clogged up.

'No, this is the best example of what's called "being desperate". You weren't yourself, Isabelle, not on Thursday, not yesterday. You overdid it.'

'Yeah, I know. But if I... If I promise to never ever do that again. Do you think you could love me?' she whispered in his ear.

Isak kept quiet, holding her still.

_You deserve an honest answer. You do. I'll tell you later. I'll tell you why I can't love you one day._

'I already love you. But not the way you want me to.'

-

**13:00**

Everyone was outside, playing cards, beach volleyball, eating and drinking, but Isak wasn't in the mood to join his drink buddies of yesterday. And Even. And Lea. After he had seen them being so close the previous evening. And after Even had saved him from death itself the previous afternoon. And after Isabelle had told everyone they fucked. Oh, Lord, it was just too much. He had a tremendous headache and dreaded the thought of dealing with all that shit right at the moment. 

The bedroom he slept in was empty and showed no sign of any intrusion while he was absent. Isak sighed in relief and wrapped himself in a big duvet, bending over his bag to get out his phone. The boy did the only thing he had been thinking of doing since he arrived at this house yesterday. He FaceTimed Jonas.

'Hiii...' Jonas rubbed his eyes, his brown curly hair a wild mess across his white pillows.

'You're still sleeping?' Isak laughed.

'Nei!' Jonas smiled.

'I see. A rough night?' Isak teased.

'Yeah, man. She was great. You should try Tinder too.'

Isak wrinkled his nose.

'What? You have never slept with a girl, how do you know you won't like it if you don't try?' Jonas yawned.

'I just know, that's all.' Isak said quietly.

'Okay. Why won't you just bang some handsome guy then? You have a cute face, I bet a lot of guys would want to date you.' Jonas said seriously.

'The fuck?!' Isak laughed.

'What? I can appreciate a handsome face without being into guys.'

'Neeeeei, it's just so gross hearing it from you.'

Jonas rolled his eyes. 'I'm serious, though. Weren't there any hot dudes at the party?' Jonas was already in his bathroom, squeezing some toothpaste onto his toothbrush.

_Even is hot._

Isak kept silent.

'Are you serious?' Jonas smiled. 'There IS a guy? Who is he? Is he gay?' he was enthusiastically throwing questions at Isak, mouth full of toothpaste. 

'There's no one.' Isak buried in his duvet, shifting closer to the broad window.

'Aha, yeah, sure. Don't forget that I've known you since you were peeing your pants in Kindergarten. I can read your face like an open book.'

The boy muffled something slurred, watching people outside run in circles, shoot each other with water guns and squeal. 

'What's his name?' Jonas asked. Isak kept quiet, and Jonas, noticing his friend's pensiveness, added, 'Hey, Isak, don't be shy, you can tell me.'

'I said there's no one.' he muttered, still looking out in the window.

'Okay...' Jonas simply said. He knew when Isak could be pushed and when he shouldn't be.

The boy pretended to yawn, ignoring his friend on the camera. 'I'm tired. I'm gonna sleep now. Call you later?' Isak finally looked at the screen only to see Jonas's worried expression.

'Sure.' Jonas gave up. 'Rest well.'

Isak pressed the red button and shoved his phone under the pillow. He then looked out of the window again only to continue watching his sister and her girl friends surround Even from all sides and shoot him with water. The guy laughed, protecting his face with his hands, and when Lea's pistol ran off charge, he immediately chased after her, sending a flow of water on her almost exposed butt.

-

**16:40**

Isak was standing on the beach, dressed in the swim trunks he wore yesterday. The boy would prefer to change, but... He didn't have another pair with him. It's just... there was this strange feeling in his chest. He didn't know if it were those trunks or something else, but he couldn't help but feel somehow uncomfortable. Isak twitched a bit, tried to adjust the tight fabric, folded his hands, walked a little on the porcelain sand, but nothing helped, the feeling didn't go away.

Lea and her friends were splashing in the sea, playing with water toys, screaming and laughing. The weather was so perfect for swimming: the sun shone brightly in the sky, it was hot and stifling. The boy was sweating, even too much, and he wanted to join, he wanted to get on top of that green water mattress that looked so endearing, but each step towards the sea made him only feel more anxious.

'Isak, what are you doing? Get in the water!' Lea waved. 

The boy didn't even flinch; his eyes were glued to the bluish water surface.

'Yeah, lover boy!' Rita shouted, laughing. 'Get in!'

He was still standing still, his heart stuck somewhere in his throat. 

'Are you scared of water or what?' Tomas laughed.

The boy swallowed. 

_Scared of water. Am I scared of water? Am I?_

'I think he is!' Erik said. 'Look how he's trembling! Come on, don't be a sissy!'

Lea glanced at Erik furiously, but Isak didn't see that. He was breathing deeply, trying to calm the building nervousness in his gut, and made another small step towards the sea. 

_I'm not a sissy. I'm not afraid. I have never been afraid of water. Yesterday is not important. It won't get to me. It won't._

Isak made another step forward, dipping his feet, one at a time, but unlike yesterday the water was not cold, it was hot, almost burning his skin. The boy went further and further, his torso almost entirely underwater, and tried to steady his breathing, blinking rapidly and catching gulps of air with his mouth. Isak moved his hands a little, imitating swimming, tried to relax so that he could lift his feet off the ground, and when his chin dipped into the water, he squirmed.

_No, something is wrong. So wrong. I can't breathe. I can't breathe._

'Isak! We're going to play water polo, come on! We need one more player!' Lea shouted.

They were looking at him, awaiting, some of the guys clearly becoming impatient, and Isak moved further, to the depths where his feet did not touch the bottom anymore. 

_You can do it, just breathe. Just breathe._

But he couldn't breathe.

Isak started panicking, legs and arms wandering in the water erratically, reminding him of what he had experienced yesterday, not far from this spot. Something in his brain clicked, and the only thoughts left in his mind were, 'I can't get out of here, I'm stuck, I'm trapped, I'm drowning, I'm going to...'

'Isak.' 

Isak opened his eyes and saw Even's face right in front of him, blurred with the panic, but still so recognizable. The guy was taller than him and stood steadily on the ground, where Isak could not reach with his feet. Even placed his hands under Isak's armpits, moving him back to the depths where he could regain his contact with the bottom and didn't let go, while the boy tried to reduce his anxiousness.

'I thought about not letting you swim today, but I haven't seen you all day.' Even said apologetically, his deep voice getting through Isak's panic clearly, unlike any other sounds that were mute since the moment he lost control.

'I can't... I can't...' Isak whispered, seeing how water droplets dip from his own long eyelashes onto the water surface.

'I know. I know. You think you can't breathe. It's okay. It's a panic attack. Don't be scared. Take your time, it will pass soon.' he said, touching Isak's sides. 'Try to count, from one until it gets better.'

Isak raised his hands and gripped Even's forearms, sinking his nails into the gentle skin on the biceps, while the other boy was still holding him tight. 'One, two, three, four...'

The boy counted and counted, whilst Even patiently waited, not making a sound.

'Better?' Even asked, when Isak's breathing became more even.

The boy just nodded, not looking up. He was tired. Panic attacks seemed to be exhausting.

'Let's get you out of here.' He whispered, turning the boy around in his arms and pushing him gently towards the shallow water.

-

Even got him into some tiny room with a couch and a TV in the middle, probably a security office, which was empty today as well as every room in this house. He even brought down Isak's sports bag, and Isak wondered how the heck did he know everything. How to treat people, how to talk to them, how to make everyone like him. Did he read minds? Isak hoped that he didn't.

'You should get changed. I'll wait behind the door.' Even said with a soft smile, offering Isak some personal space. 

When the boy walked out into the corridor with his wet trunks packed in the bag, Even met him there already fully dressed. He wore a creamy shirt, unbuttoned at the collar, showing his sharp collarbone and his shoulder muscles, his sleeves were rolled up, showing his masculine arms, and Isak started to feel nervous again. 

The boy stood there uncomfortably, squeezing the strap on his shoulder and avoiding Even's gaze. _What do I do now? Do I need to thank him? And why is he waiting for me? What are we going to do now?'_

'Talk to me.' Even broke the silence, leaning on the wall and inspecting the boy. 

Isak shrugged, not knowing what special was there to say. 'Thank you... And I'm sorry. You helped me... Again.' He lowered his eyes even more. 

'That's not what I wanted to hear, Isak. I wanted to know how you feel.' he folded his arms, and Isak felt like he was an eight-year-old again, being talked down for breaking the windshield on his father's super expensive car. 'I can't help you if you keep silent. What are you thinking about?'

Isak didn't want to answer because he knew that once he opened his mouth and said what was on his mind, he would start weeping shamefully. It was embarrassing how often he cried at his almost-seventeen. 

'You know... Yesterday, when you told me you're "okay", I suspected that something like this could happen in the future. I didn't want to push because you don't know me and you don't trust me, I get it. I wouldn't tell all my worries to a stranger if I were you. But I'm not a bad person, I promise. You _can_ trust me, Isak.'

_I want to trust you. I just don't want you to see how weak I am. How broken and ugly my soul is. I don't want you to resent me._

'And I'm not pushing you this time either. I just want you to know that I care.' Even added, trying to catch Isak's gaze.

_Why? Why do you care?_

'You do?' Isak asked unbelieving, looking up.

'Yes.' Even nodded confidently, his eyes piercing into Isak's. His blue eyes, his beautiful face, his kind expression and his voice could cast a spell on anyone and Isak was no exception.

_Don't look at me like that. Don't cast a spell on me that I won't be able to break. It will destroy me._

The boy took a minute, fighting himself and trying to make the right decision. But what was the right decision? Isak felt that whatever he said the next second would change everything.

'I'm so weak...' he finally whispered. 'I keep crying and being afraid. Sometimes I hate myself so much.'

The words came out almost unintentionally, and it was Isak's first time revealing his sacred thoughts to someone. It felt so wrong that he wanted to take his words back. He felt exposed as if he was standing in front of Even without any clothes on, but _this_ was even worse, his mind was exposed and there was no way to protect himself if the boy wanted to hurt him now. 

But Even just sighed with such a relief that Isak couldn't help but peek at him.

'It's okay to be weak sometimes. I'm weak half of the time.' he said gently.

No mocking. No brushing off. No telling to just let it go. But for a kid who spent all his life being ashamed of himself, it was not enough. No words would be enough.

'No, you're not. You're just saying that to make me feel better.' Isak mumbled.

'Believe me or not, sometimes I feel so fucking weak that I can't even get out of the house.' Even chuckled bitterly and it felt so, so honest.

_But he can't have anxiety. It's impossible when you're so open and confident. Maybe he really is saying that only to comfort me?_

Isak didn't answer to that. He kept watching his dirty Vans sneakers instead of asking Even why he felt weak. He didn't know why he hadn't asked. Probably he just felt like ending this conversation. They were digging into the deep stuff Isak was not ready to share yet.

So he decided to change the topic. 

'We were so drunk yesterday...' Isak muttered. 'Everything was so crazy.'

Even coughed and shifted a bit, touching the back of his neck awkwardly.

'Isak... Erm...Yes. I wanted to tell you that I'm terribly sorry about yesterday. I wanted you to know that. What happened was my fault... I'm older and I should take the responsibility...'

_He is still worried about me almost drowning? It wasn't his fault. He saved me twice. It's me who has to apologize. I only keep burdening him._

'Even. It's not your fault. It happened because I lost control of the situation. Don't ever blame yourself...'

'Yeah?' he asked hesitantly, looking at Isak like his words shifted a load off his shoulders.

'Yeah...' Isak sighed, rubbing his eyelid wearily. 'Just so you know, if I had to relive that moment again, I would still wish it was you.' The boy smiled weakly.

Even beamed, looking so happy that it made Isak a little uncomfortable. He looked like he was about to pull him in for an embrace, and if he did, Isak had no idea what to do.

However, he just kept standing there, smiling at the boy and saying nothing, like he actually finally ran out the words. 'Even Bech Naesheim' and 'not saying anything'. Interesting. Isak wanted to comment on that but the accumulated exhaustion made him suddenly yawn.

'Are you tired?' Even asked immediately, moving closer.

'Yeah' Isak sighed. He _was_ tired, indeed. It were long two days full of people, alcohol, and fear, of panic and anxiety, and his body needed a bath and a familiar warm bed, preferably. He couldn't think of anything else.

'I can drive you home. What do you think?' Even was almost too close, Isak could feel his warm breath.

'What about the club? I thought you had to drive everyone.' Isak said quietly, not wanting to be a liability.

'I'll drive you home and then come back. It's not a big deal, don't worry.' Even reassured him, taking Isak's bag off the boy's shoulder. 'Come on.' he said quietly, smiling at him fondly and gesturing to follow him down the corridor.

-

Even's car was so nice: with big windows and comfortable seats and Isak had already been there when they drove home from the resort but sitting on the front seat was thousand times better. Well, first off, Isak enjoyed watching the road while someone drove. He couldn't sit in the front of his car because there was his _asshole_ driver and Isak hated him, obviously. Second off, his driver today was probably the most charming and pleasant one that he had ever had.

Isak could not help but peek at Even from time to time, who was driving, eyes entirely on the road. The guy was leaning on the door with his left elbow and was brushing his full lower lip with an index finger, while his right hand, thick, with long fingers, and covered with vein snakes, did the driving. And at that moment, with Even in charge, looking so manly and dominant, the boy got that strange satisfying feeling, like his deep primal instincts were finally responded to. He hadn't felt anything quite like this before.

'I texted your sister that I've kidnapped you.' Even suddenly said, meeting Isak's clouded gaze.

'You did?' Isak raised his brows weakly.

'Yeah, I asked for ten million beans as your ransom.' He shifted his gaze to watch Isak's reaction.

'What? Beans?' Isak smiled, feeling confused. 

'Yeah.' Even giggled. 'Because you're a bean. You are a ten millions-worth cutest bean.' He snorted.

'What the fuck!' Isak semi-squealed. 'Are you high?' 

'I think I am', he smirked.

'You shouldn't be driving then?' Isak said, probably too serious.

'No other options, Isak. You have to deal with me.' Even was smiling softly, his reddish lips curved prettily, and Isak stared, stared like a complete idiot.

'You know what I just realized?' Even asked after a couple of silent moments.

'Mhm?' Isak sounded hoarse, his response barely audible.

'I don't have your number.' He was eyeing Isak carefully as if he was afraid that the boy would refuse him, but Isak just blushed, like really _blushed_ , feeling his cheeks heat up violently, and then replied with a shy, 'I can give it to you.'

'Thank you.' Even sighed, still smiling, always smiling. 'Here.' he extended his iPhone.

Isak typed his number with clumsy fingers and gave it back to Even, who was already reaching out for it with his left hand. 

'How should I name you?' Even raised his brows, decreasing the speed a little.

'By...my name?' Isak asked carefully, seeing how Even's lips opened up to show his cute teeth and how his face lit up playfully.

'That's quite boring, isn't it?'

'Um... Sorry.' Isak hummed awkwardly.

'Hey, I'm kidding. Okay, Isak, noted. I'll send you my number.'

'Okay...' he whispered.

-

'What about that girl, Isabelle?' Even wondered, driving on the broad highway at a high speed.

'Hm?' Isak looked up from his phone, where he was checking his group chat on what he had missed during the weekend.

'Are you two dating?' He asked, not meeting Isak's gaze. 'Erm... That's all anyone was talking about today, so.'

'Ugh...' Isak hid his face in his hoodie.

'What?' Even laughed.

'No... We're not dating...' Isak's voice was muffled. Even tugged on the gray fabric and tried to find his face. 'Uuuuuh, you're so shy, look at you.' he laughed. 'Why aren't you though? She seemed into you.'

Isak hummed. 'She doesn't like the real me. No one would like a guy who is having panic attacks.'

'You're not being fair to yourself.' Even became serious, pulling at his hoodie with more force. 'Your mental state has nothing to do with your personality.'

_I thought I would never hear those words from anyone._

When Isak's face was finally on the surface, the boy was met with Even's kind blue eyes.

'And I think that your shyness is really cute. I bet someone falls in love with you partly because of it.' Even slapped his thigh gently, as a sign of support or comfort, yeah whatever, something complete decent and normal, Isak got it, but he couldn't help but feel a rush of completely new sensations spread across his whole system. And that was it. Yes. Isak knew it now. Even's big and warm palm felt so familiar on his body that there could be no other option. It was Even in his dream, it was this guy, touching him and making him hot all over, kissing his face and his lips and driving him crazy.

_Oh My Go-o-od. Did I wank off to Lea's boyfriend? Shit, I think I did. Oh My-y Go-a-a-a-d! It's one thing to consider him attractive but it's another thing to have dreams about him, especially when anybody could see or hear me in my sleep._

Isak sank deeper into the seat, covering his stomach with a hoodie, because, apparently his body couldn't be trusted anymore. Even was so fucking close, and Isak was so fucking young and horny that any careless movement or word could make him a shameful mess.

The boy was so thankful they were almost in their district because his eyes were still wide with realization and he was looking outside the window, well, anywhere except at Even, because that guy, again, was a fucking mind-reader and Isak didn't want to explain anything... He was rambling in his thoughts, he didn't know what to do with himself, he was trapped and ashamed and undoubtedly attracted. What the hell? This couldn't be "it". And by "it" Isak meant "wanting this guy to touch me in reality". _Isak, shut up! Calm down! Keep your wet dreams to yourself!_

Even stopped the car, opened the door on his side and waited for Isak to unbuckle his belt. Which was unbearably long because the boy's hands didn't obey.

'Let me help you.' Even bent over the boy, dealing with his belt, while Isak was choking at their close proximity.

'Hey, you okay? You are all red!' Even looked at him worriedly, touching his forehead. 'You should go eat and lie in bed. Come on.' Even pulled the handle on Isak's door and gently pushed the frozen boy out of the car.

It was hot outside and Isak was hot himself after spending forty minutes next to Even, so he didn't suspect that something could be wrong with him.

'Okay, let's get you home,' Even said gently, getting Isak's sports bag from the backseat.

The gates were already open, their security was on duty till midnight and they knew Even's car, so Isak, thankfully, didn't need to look for his keys the way he did on Thirsday night. They went into the yard with a stone path leading to Isak's house, and Even was energetically pacing forwards, with Isak's bag on his shoulder, and humming to some song, when Isak stopped. 

'Even?'

Even stopped too and turned away, surprised. 'Yeah?'

_I need to say that. Whatever he saw, whatever I've done while being drunk, I need to say sorry._

'I wanted to... Apologize.' Isak was so nervous. _Please, say I didn't do anything stupid._

'Hey, Isak. What are you apologizing for?' Even came closer, an expression of concern painted on his handsome face.

'I was so drunk yesterday. Tell me if I did something stupid. My friends say I can be disturbing while being drunk. I was so fucking wasted yesterday that I don't remember a single thing that happened after the game.'

Even's expression changed. If it wasn't dark already, Isak would have thought that the boy looked sad.

'You don't remember... Anything? Anything at all?' He asked, narrowing his eyes and adjusting Isak's bag on his shoulder uncomfortably.

'No... Shit. Did I do something?' 

_I will never ever drink again._

Even chewed his lip, looking at Isak thoughtfully, probably debating if he should tell him something or not, but then smiled, crinkling his eyes, 'No, you were perfect. I think you went to bed soon after, I didn't see you doing anything bad. Don't worry.'

_Thank Goooooooooood._

'Okay.' Isak smiled, feeling relieved.

Even turned around and continued their way, Isak trying to keep up with his broad steps. When they entered the hall with a posh fountain in the middle, Even left Isak's bag on the beige couch in the lobby and looked at the boy, gesturing with his thumb on the driveway like he was about to go away.

'You're leaving?' Isak asked dumbly.

'Yeah, I think I gotta go, Tomas texted me that they are leaving soon.' Even said, looking at his feet.

'Oh, okay.'

Isak wanted Even to stay for a bit, maybe eat something, change his clothes, well, anything just so the boy could spend some more time with him, but the guy turned away and quickly walked out of the house, leaving Isak to stand there in the dark alone and confused.

-

**00:34**

'And then she said, "Will you call me?" and I already knew that she had taken the bait.' Jonas said, sounding content. 'She's into me, bro, and it's been one night.'

'Okay,' Isak muttered, scrolling down his Instagram feed and not listening to his friend who was staring at him from his Mac screen. The boy was sitting behind his desk, doing some homework, skyping with Jonas and watching people's insta stories.

'Hey, Isak, there's a murderer behind you.' Jonas joked.

'Okay, cool,' Isak said, absolutely not there.

'ISABELLE!' Jonas shouted.

The boy looked at his friend like he had just farted.

'Hey, don't call me like that, I have bad associations with that name.' Isak wrinkled his nose.

'Why aren't you partying instead of stalking people who are partying?' Jonas raised his bushy brows in a question.

'A long story,' Isak sighed, pushing his textbook aside and leaning on the table. He was not going to study tonight, it was useless. He wanted to see what he had missed staying in the "safety of his home".

'Okay. By the way, next Friday there's going to be a party...'

Isak didn't listen. He was staring at his phone with wide eyes, not able to move. He stumbled upon someone's story, probably some of Lea's group mates, and played it three times already to check if he had seen everything right. Then he watched it again and again, holding his finger on the screen to make out the blurry faces. Yes. No doubt it was Even. It was his watch on his right hand, it was his hair, and his height. And it was Lea, who he was kissing. It was her back, and it were Even's fingers dug in her left hip. 

Isak wanted to throw up. Which he did, running to his bathroom and hearing Jonas's distant shouts. He bent over the toilet, emptying his stomach from the dinner, and from the orange juice he drank this morning. 

When he came back, Jonas was still there, but already calling Isak's home phone. The boy heard it ringing downstairs and sat behind his table, wiping off his mouth with a towel.

'I'm okay. Stop waking up the house.' he croaked and coughed, his throat burning. 

'Isak. Go find someone to call you a doctor.' Jonas was dead serious.

'I'm okay. It was really hot today and I think I just overheated.' He whispered, feeling exhausted. 'I'm gonna go drink some water and go to sleep.'

'You sure you're fine? I can come over if you don't want anybody to know. You know me, I'm the best at sneaking to your place at nights.' Jonas laughed.

_I'm so tired. Let go of me, please._

'Go to bed, Jonas. I'm fine.' Isak pretended to yawn, stretching his limbs. The boy wanted his friend to back off and he perfectly knew how to pretend. He was a master of pretending. Isak connected his phone to the charger and shifted in his seat ready to click on the red button.

'Okay,' Jonas sighed, partly satisfied with how calm Isak looked. 'Text me in the morning, okay?'

'Mhm,' Isak hummed. 'Goodnight.'

-

**03:26**

He was burning all over. The air was barely finding its way out of his lungs and the boy was wheezing and coughing. His blanket was already lying on the floor, and his bed was wet like he just jumped in it straight out of the shower. Isak flinched, trying to get rid of the heavy dream, a nightmare, that was pressing on his mind like a rock and when it didn't help, the boy stood up from the bed and walked unsteadily towards the bathroom. 

The light was killing his eyes and Isak leaned on the sink, looking at his own red face and his red eyes. His hair was wet, his body was wet and his T-shirt was wet. Isak turned on the tap and splashed some water on his face and neck, breathing heavily. His head was spinning and he tried to walk backwards to sit on the bathroom dresser, still holding onto the sink, but his feet gave out and he slid onto the floor. He was so, so tired, his stomach was burning and he leaned on the cold floor, closing his eyes and feeling how everything around him disappears.

-

He heard Lea scream in horror.

 

He felt the coldness of the tile.

 

_'Call the doctor!'_

 

_'He has a fever.'_

 

He felt someone's big hands wiping the sweat off his face and stroking his hair.

 

 _'Isak.'_ He heard a familiar deep voice close to his ear.

 

 _'Even?'_ The boy barely whispered, touching the cold hands cupping his face.

 

 _'Why do you keep making me worry about you so much, baby deer?'_ Even muttered, lifting him up and helping him sit. 

 

He heard his father shouting at someone.

 

_'Isak, son, the doctors are almost there.'_

 

His father's scent.

 

 _'Why the fuck does it take so long?'_ Even cursed.

 

 _'I'm going to make sure they're all fucking fired!'_ Terje shouted somewhere distant.

 

Then everything was warm and quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long chapter. Oops, I did it again :D  
> This one is kind of a bridge between the previous and the next chapters, so there's going to be something special in the next one, something that will change their relationship forever.
> 
> Will they kiss again soon? - Hm, probablymaybedefinitely ;)
> 
> Why do you think Even did that? What happened to Isak?
> 
> my tumblr is [smyonlyone](https://smyonlyone.tumblr.com/), since some of you have been asking :) you can msg me if you want...
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked the chapter and if you didn't, do it either way.
> 
> See ya. xoxo


	7. Don't be so nice to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're back. My characters and I, of course. My Isak, Even, Lea and others. We're happy to see you again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He-ey. I'm here. Yeah, that's actually me. Hiyaa.  
> It took me months to finish this chapter. A lot has happened. But this story is far from being finished.  
> So here it is. Chapter number 7.

The night had been rough. He didn't remember much, but the pain was still there, and it reminded him that he'd never been so close to losing his mind before. His whole body ached and he didn't want to open his eyes, although he probably had to at some point. The dream was heavy, heavier than reality, he was sure of it, but there was no power left in his body. It all went out when he had thrown up his insides last night.

Somebody entered the room and sat on the edge of his bed. He felt how it bent under the weight of someone's body and how someone's hand fixed the duvet over him. Their hands were strong. Was it father?

'Hey,' Even whispered, making Isak nearly flinch. 'I just wanted to say that I'm going home. I have to go to Uni tomorrow, but I'll come back later.'

_Even. He's here. What is he doing here?_

Even shifted closer into the space where Isak was curled up, his back against Isak's stomach, and placed his hand on the boy's shoulder.

Their bodies touched _everywhere_ , and Isak's temperature went high again.

His skin tickled where Even touched him and he wanted to move closer into the touch, not registering his desires in the feverish state. But he couldn't dare to move his body because he knew it would inevitably hurt if he did. So he opened his eyes a little and whispered back, a bearably audible,

'You don't have to.'

He sounded hoarse and tired, and Even stroked his shoulder gently, shushing him,

'Don't think too much, silly boy. Just get some rest.'

***

He got better by Tuesday. He had by no means recovered yet, but he could move around the house and that counted as a win for now. Lea told him that he'd collapsed in the bathroom and when they came back home he was as pale as the tile he was lying on.

Now his mind could finally function adequately, and his memory decided it was right time to remind him about all the embarrassing moments of that night. Even drove him back home, and Isak wished that he would have stayed with him. What made him think it was okay? Even belongs to his sister. They kissed that night, Isak perfectly knows it from the instastory of some Lea's groupmate. Now this story is already gone, and he can't double check, but why would he do that anyway? He had no fucking right.

_I can't like him. I shouldn't like him. He will never see me the way I see him. He will never like me. No one will like me. I have to stop this before it gets too big for me to handle._

He felt grateful for being alive as much as he was embarrassed. He was stupid. He caught a flu and didn't even notice the signs until it was too late. He had a temperature when he was feeling sleepy in the house, he was burning all over when they drove in Even's car and he was throwing up the whole evening but decided to brush it off.

_I'm stupid._

He made his father worry. He made Lea come back from her supposedly date with Even at the club. And he made Even carry him downstairs when the ambulance arrived and then back upstairs when they got him back home.

_Ugh._

When he woke up the next morning after the incident, Even had already left. There was only Jonas in his room, sleeping soundly on his small white couch with Isak's angry bird pillow clutched between his legs; quiet and peacefullness filling the air.

'Hey, the fuck are you doing here?' He croaked, waking up Jonas, who nearly fell out of the couch. Isak waited till his friend got back on his feet, and then Jonas crawled into his bed, flopping on his pillows, moaning and stretching his back,

'Ah, thank God... Your lazy ass woke up and I can finally sleep like a normal person. Move, please,' He pushed Isak playfully, giggling, 'You need anything, by the way? Water? Food?'

Isak scrunched his face at Jonas, 'I need you to fucking go to school. Why are you here on Monday? Get outta here, or you'll get sick too.'

'Oh, you remember what day it is. Great. You're recovering, congratulations.' Jonas yawned, slapped Isak on the back and curled in a comfortable position. 'Now if you're done complaining, let's have some sleep.'

Isak only sighed and moved to the edge of the bed, turning away from Jonas. The day just started but he already wanted it to end. He felt really sick, his skin and his bones still hurt and he wanted nothing more that to be left alone. Thank God, the flu allowed him to miss school. He barely remembered why, but his whole being was relieved he could stay at home at least for several days.

'That guy, Even.' Jonas uttered some time after, making Isak flinch at the sound of his name. 'He seems nice.'

_Why the freak do you need to mention him now?_

'Mhm,' Isak only hummed, not knowing what else to say.

'And you two seem to be close.' He added carefully.

'What?' Isak peeked at him over his shoulder.

'I mean... He seems to care about you a lot. And you didn't tell me you hung out at the beach party.' Jonas squinted at him, waiting for an answer.

'Where is this going?' Isak whined, already hating this talk.

'Nowhere. Just wanted to make sure you're okay.' Jonas replied, carefully watching Isak's annoyed face.

'I'm okay.' Isak whispered back, turning away again and pulling the blanket over himself. 'Let's sleep.'

Isak didn't want to talk about Even or about any feelings he might have been starting to have for him, but he could see from the way Jonas was squinting at him from time to time, that he knew something was up. He didn't say it out loud, he didn't even have to, Isak already felt it - Jonas suspected something. But that was the last thing Isak needed right now.

He decided it was best to pretend that it was nothing. He decided it was best to continue acting just like he used to before he met Even. It wasn't a fairy tale. And Even wasn't his Prince, not even close. Isak had to forget him. He had to be a good brother to Lea and a good son to his father.

So when he walked down the stairs and saw Even standing in the middle of the living room with his laptop in his hands, his heart jumped out of nothing but embarrassment.

Yes. He's just embarrassed for Sunday. But that's okay. Because that is how little brothers are allowed to feel about their sister's boyfriends.

***

**Even**

_Mom has made this for you_ , he thought. Well, repeated, actually. For thousand's time that day. He didn't want to sound too excited, too obvious, because, well, his mother made this rapsberry jam only because **he** had asked her to. Because he needed an excuse to visit.

'For his throat,' He said, offerring the jar to Lea, who took it willingly, smiling even, but who didn't fail to add, 'Did you come only for him? I'm here too, you know.'

He smiled, as if what she'd said was funny. It wasn't. Because he in fact came here only for Isak. She didn't have to know that, though.

'I think he's still sleeping.' Lea uttered. 'That's the only thing he does these days. But I'll check anyways. I bet he'll be happy to see you.'

_Will he?_

'Maybe you want to watch a movie?' She asked, smiling at him sweetly. 'I was just going to watch something, when you called. Maybe if Isak knows you're here, he'll be more compliant to watch it with us.'

'Yeah, why not.' Even shrugged.

'Cool. You can choose something on Isak's laptop, while I'm trying to squeeze him out of his room.' She laughed.

'Okay,' Even answered, bouncing on his feet, probably too excited. _Isak's laptop? That would be interesting._

Of course he wasn't going to check his browser's history like a creep. But seeing what movies he likes? Sounded quite tempting.

Even floped on the couch and opened the laptop. It was covered all over with Star Wars stickers and it made him smile like a fool. How was it possible to be so hot and so childish at the same time? He could swear he saw angry bird toys lying everywhere in Isak's room, when he put him to bed on Sunday. And not to mention his pillows. The whole room seemed so lively and creative that Even couldn't help but regret that Isak didn't show it all on the outside. What was he so utterly scared of? The judgement? But he was so perfect. From head to toe. How come he didn't see that?

Even wandered through the folders on the Desktop, trying to find the one with the movies, when something made him freeze in shock. In the depths of some folder he accidentally managed to click on another folder, which consisted only of one archive with a meaningful name. P0rn.

He snorted. _What the fuck?_ This was utter nonsence. Did he just find a goldmine? No way. He opened it shamelessly and scrolled down, looking through the videos. What was he looking for? Who knew?

He did. And when he found what he was looking for, it made him snort so hard that his throat became sore.

***

Isak got down the stairs and Even's heart somersaulted. He was wearing a blue sports costume, clearly freezing even though it was above 25 degrees outside, and his nose and mouth were covered with a medical face mask.

_Does the fact that I want him even in that outfit make me a pervert?_

He had spent two days and two nights resisting the pictures that were so persistent at getting on his mind. The pictures of Isak on top of him, grinding agaist him a little, moving his lips, moving his tounge, driving him crazy. He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand being so close to him as much as he couldn't stand being away. His thoughts were constantly circling around that boy - and it was unhealthy, it was subnormal, not something he was used to - but it was something he genuinely felt. And now, when he had seen that videos, all doubts were loosing their strength, and he started feeling hope. What if... what if he had a chance?..

'Hi,' Isak mumbled shyly, having a seat on the opposite side of the long couch and folding his hands. Even was so high that he wanted to joke about it, laughter never leaving his chest, but he restrained nevertheless, because feeling uncomfortable is not a subject for teasing. And he didn't want to incriminate himself. He was guilty. Oh, yes, he was. But he couldn't be happier about it.

'Hello, Isak. How're you feeling today?' Even said instead, smiling mischeviously.

Isak nodded, humed something slurred, not looking up, and Even decided to forget about the whole "being unobtrusive" thing he promised himself when he set his foot in this house this morning (at least for a moment) and shifted closer, passing Isak's laptop back to him,

'Here,' He said. 'You should choose the movie.'

Isak looked at the laptop in Even's arms and widened his eyes in horror.

'Did you...' He muttered, accepting the laptop. 'Erm, did you... I mean. Did you go on Netflix or...?' He was stuttering, looking at his own hands holding the laptop, and Even got scared he was already pushing Isak's limits, which wasn't a part of his plans for today,

'No, I haven't turned it on. I decided you should choose.' He lied, trying to keep his best poker face while his inner voice was screaming, _I **have** turned on your laptop and I have seen something that will never let me be the same person again._

Because, apparently, Isak liked boys. At least as much as he liked girls.

_Don't think about Isabelle, don't think about Isabelle..._

At least he hoped he was right. The evidence was convincing enough but he still had no confirmation that Isak had _that_ type of movies on his computer because he watched them.

But why on Earth would someone keep them for any other reason?

'Okay,' Isak breathed out and Even noticed that the boy had been holding his breath until this moment. 'W-what kind of movies do you like?' He stammered again, glancing at Even for a second, and that was enough for him to point out that his pretty green eyes were all red and puffy above the white mask. Even hoped it was just a symptom of a flu and he didn't cry before coming here. But what if he did? Even couldn't ask him even that simple thing, and it was killing him.

He wanted to be closer so fucking much, he wanted to be someone Isak trusts, but he didn't know how.

When Lea joined them on the couch, bringing lots of snacks from the kitchen, they decided to watch the first Thor movie. It was Even's idea, actually, and seeing how eager Isak was nodding in response to this offer made Even's heart warm a little. He eventually sat on the carpet, while Lea and Isak stayed at his sides on the couch. At some point he put his right arm on the seat, completely unintentionally, of course, and slightly touched Isak's toes. And when the boy didn't flinch, he felt happy.

***

'Daddy!' Lea shouted and raced towards the door to jump into her father's embrace. Lisa and Terje walked into the living room, Terje dragging Lea like a small monkey; they were both smiling and glowing, as always. Everybody seemed happy and content, while Isak, for his part, dug his head in his shoulders, dreaming to get lost in the couch blanket.

'Even! So good to see you again!' Terje approached him, and he immediately stood up to shake his hand. 'How're you? I haven't had a chance to properly thank you on Sunday. You helped us so much, thank you, son.' He said, petting Even's cheek. His eyes were still full of warmth when turned to his actual son and approached him carefully,

'Hey, Isak,' Terje sat next to him on the couch and touched his forehead to examine the temperature. 'You good today?'

'Yeah,' The boy answered shortly, not looking up, but Even noticed that he was smilling by the way his eyes crinkled. Poor boy enjoyed every bit of attention his family gave him. He was clearly lacking the attention, and Even's chest tightened at the thought.

_You deserve to be pampered every single day._

'What about moving to the dining room? It's right time to have dinner.' Terje said, gently stroking his son's back. 'I asked Helga to make your favourite apple pie. Are you hungry?' He asked Isak, examining his reaction, and when the boy gave a content nod as an answer, Even caught himself smiling from ear to ear, literally copying Terje's satisfied expression.

'Wonderful. Let's go.' Terje said, taking Isak's blanket and waiting for him to follow to the kitchen first.

***

They sat at the table and Even took the chair across Isak’s, smiling at him each time their eyes met. Isak had already took off his mask and Even realized that he was probably ashamed of his red nose and the rash around his cheeks because he never lifted his face up, always looking down.

‘So, kids.' Terje addressed them energetically, working on a tissue on his knees. 'I’m really glad our whole little team is having this dinner together.' He laughed. 'And I'm glad you came by today, Even. By the way, if you ever want to stay the night, feel free. Make yourself at home. ’ He said before tasting his soup and humming from pleasure. ‘Mhm, that’s amazing. Even, you said you loved salmon, you should definitely try this soup then. Isak, that goes for you too. You should eat fish more.’

‘Okay,’ Isak replied softly, stretching to get the ladle.

‘So. How are you doing, Even?’ Terje asked, looking at him with sincere interest. Even noticed that Isak slowed his movements, paying attention to what he was about to say.

‘I’m… all good, thanks.' He replied, trying to think about something interesting that was happening in his life right now, while the most interesting part was currently sitting right in front of him. 'I'm finishing my project for the Start Up contest.’ Even smiled, finding a lead. ‘We’re presenting it on Sunday, so you can come visit if you want.’

_Maybe I'll be lucky enough to have him there?_

‘Oh, I would love to but Lisa and I are flying to Los Angeles tonight and we won’t be back until Monday. Though I’m sure Lea and Isak might want to join.’ Terje replied.

‘Oh, I do!’ It was enough for Lea to seize the sudden opportunity, while Even for his part was trying to see if _Isak_ wanted to join. Therefore he merely gave her a condescending smile before turning to the boy,

‘Sure, you can come.’ He said to him directly, while Isak fumbled with his fork a little, his head still lowered and face expression unreadable. That lasted for a long moment, and then he finally licked his lips and gave out a barely visible smile, which could be counted as a yes.

Even’s heart had been fluttering since the moment he saw the boy today but being able to finally witness his emotions without that stupid face mask was a complete bliss. He wanted to cup his face and tell him he’s beautiful like this. He wanted to tell him that even his pimples and his runny nose looked unbearably cute. He wanted all this romantic shit with _‘You’re the most perfect for me’s’_ especially on days like this.

The heartwarming silence didn't last for long, because at some point Terje’s phone rang, waking him up from his stupid lovesick staring, and the man excused himself to answer the call, quickly leaving the dining room. Lisa followed him, probably to join the whatever business discussion they were having there, and Lea used this pause to visit the bathroom and… Then there were just two of them in the room. And not a single soul around.

At first Even didn’t even register that it was a rare chance to have a private talk, but then Isak shifted on his chair nervously, making him come back to his senses. Even looked at the boy, who seemed really uncomfortable sitting there in silence, and cleared his throat before saying,

‘The movie was great, I get why you like it so much.’

_Was it too dumb to say?_

He tried to sound genuine but not too tender, and, apparently failed miserably, because Isak finally looked at him with a confused look on his face and then couldn’t hold back a sweet smile,

‘I... I can recommend you some more. If you want.’

_Oh my fucking God._

Isak looked so pretty and soft, although it was probably because Even was already so into him. The boy worked on his answer slowly, stretching every word, as if he was afraid that he wouldn’t ever be this brave to speak up again. And every word he was saying inevitably ran down Even’s spine, tickling on his skin.

_I’m not even touching you and you make me a complete mess._

'Yeah. I would love that, actually.' Even answered hoarsely, feeling how sly thoughts creep on his mind. He wanted to meet him face to face. He wanted to hang out with him without any witnesses.

Even swallowed hardly and then tried to squeeze another question out before others could come back and destroy the perfect moment,

‘You should come to my Uni on Sunday. I would love show you around.’

It came out more like a statement, and Even secretly liked it. He was tired of asking questions. He wanted to be someone who could just tell Isak about all his desires and get a confident agreement in return. Isak looked like he was trying his best to hide a smile, but it still came out on his flushed face, and he lowered his head again and fumbled with his fingers under the table, probably having some tough internal monologue. He opened his mouth to give some answer, probably a positive one, judging by the way his eyes crinckled and the way his pretty lips curved, when… Lea and others came back.

Isak was still looking down, when Terje came back to his place and managed to ruin the perfect evening with only one innocent phrase,

‘Isak, grandfather is coming over for dinner. He just called me.’

**Puff.**

The magic they had created in this room a second ago disappeared. Lisa sighed and Terje looked guilty.

'Shit,' Lea whispered, and Even almost turned to ask her about what was happening, because he felt confused as ever, but Isak's expression was the major sign to remain silent.

Isak froze in place, the little smile on his reddened face quickly fading. The fork fell from his hand on his plate with a loud clink. Even was watching everybody, not understanding what the heck was wrong.

‘I gotta go,’ Isak suddenly got up from the table and headed straight to the door but Lisa grabbed him by his elbow and pulled him back, hissing, ‘Sit, Isak.’

Even felt the strongest desire to protect him and push Lisa’s hands away, but he did everything in his powers to restrain. First of all, it wasn’t his home, he was just a guest, and secondly, the moment he loses his temper, everyone in this house will start suspecting something. No one needed that now.

‘He hasn’t seen you since the New Year. Show some respect.’ Lisa uttered quietly, though her voice was rough and commanding. ‘Stop hiding and behave like an heir that you are’.

Isak didn’t move for a moment, he just scrunched his face as if he was doing his best not to shout or run away crying and then slowly came back to his place, his fists clenched and his body tensed from head to toe.

Even had no idea what to do and how to react. He wanted to do something, but what could he do? He had no clue what was going on.

_What the fuck is wrong?_

The answer wasn’t long in coming.

The next few minutes were a complete torture. No one said a word and Even kept shifting his gaze between the family members, trying to sit still and not to ask stupid questions.

And then ‘he’ walked into the room.

An old, grey-haired man, dressed in a dark-grey striped suit, slowly came in, moving his legs with effort, and ignoring Terje when he extended his hand to help him sit.

‘I’m not a disabled person, Terje!’ He grumbled. ‘I can sit at the table myself.’

Terje showed no emotion coming back and taking his chair. No one looked up when Albert Valtersen took _his_ seat at the head of the table.

Maids came in and served him soup and a plate filled with fried vegetables.

‘What is this? A meatless Tuesday?’ He barked. ‘Look at him, he’s as thin as a piece of paper! Don’t you feed him at all?’ Albert said, nodding at Isak. At Isak, who in turn slid down on his chair almost hiding under the white tablecloth.

Terje peeked at Even nervously, probably not really willing to show this side of their family relationships to his valued guest,

‘Father, we have a guest today. His name is Ev..’

‘Nice to see you, grandson.’ He ignored Terje. ‘How is school?’

Isak looked puzzled but still nervous and shaken. His lips and furrowed brows were quivering, he blinked, trying to regain composure and lifted his head a bit, whispering,

‘It’s all good.’

‘If it is good, then why am I getting calls from the headmaster? Huh?!’ Albert groaned and then suddenly hit the table, making Lea and Isak jump. It was quiet for a moment and Even couldn’t move, couldn’t get over the shock the whole situation made him feel.

Such things never happened at his home.

Isak coughed once, then again, then again and again and Terje intruded, looking at his son worriedly,

‘Father, what is wrong? I’m sure it can’t be that serious. Let’s discuss it after the dinner, shall we? We have a guest.’

Terje’s words seemed to distract Albert, who finally decided to stoop to paying some attention to Even. The old man squinted as if he couldn’t see Even’s face from afar and then said,

‘Oh, I see. You finally decided to get Lea married. Nice. Wouldn’t hurt to make extra heirs just in case, right?’ He laughed.

Lea frowned. ‘What do you mean, grandfather?’

Albert looked at Isak again. ‘I mean that we need another young man in this family in case the eldest isn’t capable of being a man!’

Even was shocked. Thousands of different thoughts came up to his mind, what the hell did that even mean? And why? Why on Earth was this whole shit happening? Why was this happening to Isak? How the fuck did he deserve that?

'Father, what exactly happened?' Terje demanded.

Albert took his time to bite into the fish, swallow it slowly, and then put his fork down, and glared at the already pale Isak, furrowing his brows,

'His grades are slipping!' He barked. 'I told you I won't tolerate calls like that, Isak. You need to get punished.'

Isak's face was whiter that the tablecloth. He was looking at his grandfather with eyes full of fear, he was gripping the fork so hard that his knuckles went white. His pretty face was blank, Even didn't know what to expect from him next, and he wanted to help, he really wanted to do something so fucking much that his stomach tensed and palms turned into fists, ready to fight, but...

They heard a phone ring. The sound was sharp and creaky against their ears, and they looked around, not realizing who's cell was shouting, until Albert dug into his jacket pocket and answered his old-fashioned mobile phone,

'What?!' He yelled, adding, 'Who's this?'

He stood up, with visible effort, and this time no one dared to come up and help him. Well, he never needed that. Without any other word, barely waving a hand as a goodbye, Albert Valtersen left the dining room and went out of the house, slamming the front door.

Needless to say the evening was completely ruined. The head of this family entered the house and left, both equally destructive, breaking evetyone and everything apart.

The silence that followed was deafening. It seemed like the air was sucked out of the room and it was somehow hard to breathe. Even was nervous. He kept throwing small glances at Isak, at Terje and Lea, waiting for someone to finally break the tension, to free from the torture, but nobody was brave enough to speak.

Only Isak's heavy breathing, hoarse and fast, was reminding them that the last ten minutes weren't a dream.

The boy spent the rest of the day in his room, never leaving it even when they were called for a dinner at nine in the evening. Lea tried to talk to him but he locked his door and turned on the music so loud that they could hear it from downstairs.

***

Even was tossing in his bed unable to fall alseep. He wore his headphones, turned on his favourite playlist and waited patiently for the sleep to drag him away, but nothing helped. It was far beyond midnight, he could see the sky getting lighter a bit as if the dawn was about to come soon, and sadness filled him up again. What has happened tonight at the dinner, the harsh tone Albert used when talking to Isak, the neglect in his voice and his superficial attitude, made Even feel uneasy. When he closed his eyes, all he could see was Isak's defeated look, his lowered shoulders and his weary eyes. The boy was ill. He was so small and tired but his grandfather gave him no mercy. It was disgusting. And it was probably one of the rarest occasions when Even had no excuse for a person's behavior.

_My poor baby._

Even rubbed his eyelids and sighed deeply. _You need to sleep. You need to be healthy, cheerful and charming for him. You have to wake up tomorrow full of energy, smiling and ready to make him busy so he will be able to forget about the nightmare that is his relatives. Sleep!_

He tried. He honestly tried. But it was a lost case.

Even got up, threw on his shorts and went downstairs, tiptoeing quietly afraid to wake Lea or Isak, who were sleeping in the rooms next to his. He sneaked into the kitchen, opened the fridge carefully, took out the milkshake and was about to close the doors, when he heard some suspicious noise outside.

Several people were arguing on the street, somewhere in the direction of the driveway, and it sounded so unnatural in this usual peacefullness of a home, that Even started to feel anxious. Did something happen? What if it was a burglar? Any other danger? Is Isak in his room? Is he safe?

He didn't know where to go first - upstairs or outside; one part of him was hoping that it was nothing to worry about, that maybe it were housemaids talking or he didn't know, anyone else, but the other part of him, the one that was constantly ready to react to any sort of danger, made him move towards the stairs, up and straight to Isak's door.

It was open, there was no one inside, and Even's heart immediately started pounding in panic. Where the fuck is he? Bathroom? Toilet? No. Nowhere to be seen.

He went down the corridor and pressed his ear against Lea's door. It was quiet, he could only hear her light snoring and playful splashing of her fish in the aquarium.

Isak wasn't anywhere. Even ran downstairs, missing a stair or two, and didn't miss a second walking outside. He didn't even spare a moment to wear his sneakers, he just grabbed them and ran towards the driveway, where all lights were on and the loud arguement he had heard earlier was only heating up.

'No, I have decided. I AM taking him to the hospital!' Terje shouted.

Terje never shouted.

'What's going on?' Even went out of the gates, panting and still loose from lying in bed for several hours. He caught Terje and Lisa in a strange position, where Terje wanted to get on the driver's seat and Lisa was trying to drag him out by his shoulder. _What is going on._

The fear and shock were probably explicit from his face, because Terje and Lisa both let go of the car and stared at him awkwardly, mouths open, not knowing what to do next.

'Oh. Even. Hi.' Terje uttered first, getting past his wife and approaching him with determined steps. The man placed his hand on Even's shoulder and gently pushed him back into the yard, away from the car. 'What...Why are you not in bed?' He huffed, trying to give him a reassuring smile, which did not look convincing despite the efforts. 'Go back inside, yeah?'

'I just...' Even wanted to explain himself, but then he looked back and his eyes landed on Isak, who was sitting in the back seat, eyes closed and face pale as the milkshake he was still holding with his other hand. 'What... what's going on?' He mouthed, eyes shifting from Isak to Terje and then back to Isak, who looked like he was burning all over, with his lips parted and his chest going up and down heavyly.

'Isak has fever again. Don't worry, we'll take care of him. Go inside.' Terje rambled, squeezing his shoulder and waiting for a positive answer. 'Okay?'

He was in a hurry, he was worried and scared, Even could feel it, and it didn't make him worry any less. Even looked at Isak again, the whole picture still making him anxious, making him want to stay, maybe see them away when they leave, but then he suddenly remembered,

'Aren't you going to the States tonight, though?' He frowned, getting out of the man's embrace. 'You won't be late?'

'Exactly!' Lisa grumbled, joining them near the gates. 'We should leave in half an hour. Or we'll be late for our plane.'

Terje stopped pushing Even. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, taking a moment to calm himself down. And then mumbled through his teeth, 'We'll take the next one. It's okay.'

'It's not okay.' Lisa responded harshly, and Even could sense Terje getting tense. He clenched his fists and was about to turn towards his wife with another bitter comment, when Even blurted out,

'I can take him to the hospital.'

They both looked at him surprised,

'You?'

'Yes. Me.'

He didn't think about it at all, he just said the first thing that came up to his mind. He didn't even know where his car was and how the fuck he was going to fulfill the promise he was giving at the moment, but it all didn't matter when the only thing he could see was Isak's pale lips, parting with effort with every breath he was making.

'That's wonderful!' Lisa clapped her hands. 'Amazing!'

'No.' Terje cut them off. 'No. I won't let you drive at night alone.'

'But...'

'I said, no. Out of the question.' He shook his head.

'I'm a good driver. You know me,' Even promised, trying to catch Terje's hesitant gaze. 'I'll drive us both safely.'

Terje just shook his head disapprovingly, 'I trust you, Even. But try to understand me, I'm the one responsible for you...'

A black Mercedes pulled over to the driveway, popping stones under it's wheels. Even could see that Isak woke up at the noise, looking out of the window with a bothered and tired gaze.

'Oh, thank God! David's finally here!' Lisa breathed out, when the driver jumped out of the car and moved towards them quickly. 'He'll drive Isak to the hospital. No strangers needed. Will that do?' Lisa asked Terje, fidgeting nervously and waiting for her husband to respond, while he remained silent. 'Mr. and Mrs. Valtersen,' David greeted them, breathing heavily and panting, 'I came here as soon as I could. What's the matter? Is the boy okay? Is the ambulance on their way?'

The man's tie was untied and he clearly left his place in a hurry.

'We don't need ambulance. His temperature is just a little bit higher than it should be. Your job now is to take him to the hospital and we'll get to the airport ourselves.'

Terje huffed a bitter laugh, brushing his hair off his face, 'Do you even hear yourself? You don't care about him at all, do you?'

'Of course I care about him!' She shook her head, touching her husband's hand, stroking him calmingly, 'I just found a way out of this. Isak likes David. He will feel safe. And he knows how important this trip is for our business.' Lisa came closer to Terje, half-embracing him, trying to catch his eyes, and pleading, 'Darling, you know what Albert will say if he finds out that the deal we've spent two years negotiating fell through because of Isak. Because of our son,' She uttered gently, and Terje finally looked at her, in awe, as if something in her words touched him deeply. 'I think about him, that's why I'm doing this.'

They were standing there, touching each other, looking into each other's eyes and communicating silently, and Even would feel himself the third wheel if it wasn't for Isak, whose fate was being decided in front of him. Why were they taking so long? They needed to move to the hospital, the sooner the better, he thought, fidgeting impatiently.

'Okay,' Terje finally breathed out, softly lifting Lisa's hands off him and moving towards the car. 'Just give me a second,' he told David before approaching the car, opening the back door and touching Isak's forehead, whispering something to him actively. Even didn't move, he just looked at them, a little bit lost. He was partly confused by the way Lisa was talking about Isak, the way she treated him since the first day he met this family. He didn't believe a word she'd just said. She didn't care for him, she cared for herself. She didn't treat him as gently as she treated Lea. She treated him as if she didn't love him at all. Like he was a stranger to her. Like he wasn't her son. But was that possible? _No, it wasn't,_ Even thought. Isak was three years younger than Lea, he couldn't be Terje's possible first wife's child. He was the youngest in this house. Still it feels like he has to go through more than any member of the Valtersen's family despite his age.

'Even,' Terje called. 'Come here, son.' The man waved, asking him to come closer, several meters away from the car, where no one could overhear them.

'Yes,' Even whispered when they were already unseen to stranger's eyes, blocked by the car and the darkness of the night.

'Can I ask you to accompany Isak to the hospital? You were so kind to offer your service before, so I thought...'

'Of course I'll go with him. Don't worry.' Even cut him off midstream. 'I'll take care of him.'

Terje smiled and tapped him on the shoulder approvingly. 'Thank you.' He breathed out. 'There's one more thing, though. As you may have noticed, Isak is a little bit... Shy. Or... To be precise, he doesn't do well with strangers. And though I encourage him to be more sociable, and he does a great job every day, now is not the right time to stress him out. I want him to get well and if he needs space and... Whatever he needs to get well. Okay? Just... Please be kind to him. As if he was your little brother. Try to look at it that way, yeah?'

The man asked hesitantly, sounding genuinly concerned, and that touched Even, made him nod furiously in agreement, although some words made him feel a little bit uneasy.

Well, uneasy was an understatement.

_Your little brother._

They could never be brothers. It was too late for that.

***

The car moved carefully, thank God, because if there were bumps on the roads, Isak would have probably already puked all over the seats. He was making these little painful sounds, scrunching his face, and Even was so scared that the only thing he was capable of was repeating these stupid 'You're okay's' and 'We're almost there's' as if it was somehow going to help the boy feel any better.

He hated Albert Valtersen. With all his heart. He didn't know him yet, but ten minutes in his company was enough to conclude that this man was the cruelest person Even had ever met. How could someone treat Isak so hatefully? Isak didn't do anyone bad, and he didn't deserve that. Especially not in the state he was in.

Isak was feeling this bad only because of him. Just this morning Even was met with a gentle smile and glowing eyes, they watched a movie together, they laughed, they talked and now he was watching Isak suffer with tears in his eyes, because that is not how you treat your family. And he was mad at himself too, probably even more than at Albert. Why wasn't he capable of protecting him? Why wasn't he strong enough to take care of someone he loved so much?

Yes. There was no point in denying it. Even was already in love with him.

He kept stroking his face, removing his sweat and tears and catching his every shuddering breath. He couldn't open the window, although he wanted to, he wanted to let the fresh air in and let Isak breathe, but it was cold outside, and Even was scared Isak might get even more sick.

'Even,' Isak suddenly whined.

'Yeah?' Even moved closer, inspecting his face. _He knows I'm here. He's calling for me._

'Where's Papa?' He barely opened his eyes.

'He's... He's at the airport.' Even responded carefully. 'I'll take care of you, don't worry.'

Isak shifted closer to the window, curling up, hugging himself, and getting out of Even's embrace. 'He hates me.'

This took him aback. 'What?' He laughed helplessly. 'No,' He whispered, putting his hands on Isak's arm, stroking him. 'Of course he loves you. I talked to him and he is worried about you so much.'

Isak sniffed. 'Yeah,' He began crying, though his sobs were weak and tired. 'I'm the worst son. Such a pity I'm his only one.'

 _No, baby! Stop this self-destructive talk! Let me tell you how wonderful you are!,_ He was ready to shout, but he couldn't, because the next second Isak was already wheezing and throwing up all over the closed car window.

***

It was five in the morning, and Even was still sitting on a very much uncomfortable hospital couch, in the waiting room, waiting when the nurse finally lets him to see Isak. They took him away two hours prior, fed him some medicine, put him on a water drip, and ordered to wait until his blood pressure comes back to normal. Even could hear the measured beeps of his heartbeat, audible from his room, and it didn't let him sleep, no matter how much he wanted to take a short nap. It seemed to be slower than when they just attached it to him, and Even could finally take a deep breath and calm himself down. Isak was getting better. He was taken care of. He was going to be fine soon. That's what Even was saying to himself each time he remembered how blue his lips looked when they were in the car.

Was he the only one who genuinely and endlessly cared for Isak? Terje seemed to love him very much, but his care was limited. It was losing its strength somewhere in the space where his wife's and his father's influence overshadowed his true feelings. Even still didn't know why, he couldn't understand why on earth would the closest people, the adults, for God's sake! treat a barely seventeen-year-old child like a criminal. Yes, he was the heir of the family, whatever, Even could accept their traditions, but... You can't press someone so much every day just because of that!

He was afraid Isak might eventually break.

'Mr Valtersen?' The nurse distracted him.

Even didn't react immediately, the wrong name she used confusing him, but then he saw it was the same nurse that had sent him to the waiting room, and he stood up quickly, loosing his balance for a moment.

'Yes?' He said eagerly.

'You can come inside.' She said, gensturing to follow her to Isak's room. 'The boy is sleeping but his fever has already broken.'

'Okay,' Even whispered, walking inside carefully, watching his step.

'Don't stay for too long, though. Go home, get some rest. Your brother is going to stay for the rest of the week, you can visit him tomorrow.' She smiled, probably touched by the care and attention Even was paying to his "little brother".

_Your brother._

Even forced a smile and hastened to get rid of the woman, who suddenly started to annoy him. 'Thanks,' he said, before closing the door at her face. He even locked it, after her steps down the corridor couldn't be heard already, although he probably shouldn't be doing so, but he wanted to be left with Isak alone, and he wanted to leave this little moment of privacy to himself.

'Hey, little one,' He whispered, sitting on a chair next to the bed. The room was dimly lit, only one faint lamp on the wall burning, but it was enough for him to see Isak's face. He was sleeping soundly, finally relaxed and peaceful, and Even felt relief. Each time his face scrunched in a pain attack Even could swear he felt that pain. Was it too much to feel _that_ much when they were still no more than acquaintances? His crush was becoming too intense, no joke, and it scared him. Everything these days scared him.

'Mhm,' Isak made a disgruntled noise and Even realised he had unconsciously put his left arm over Isak's chest, while his other hand was mindlessly threading through his damp curls. He woke him up. Shit.

'Sorry,' He mumbled apologetically, moving his hands away.

Isak opened his eyes slightly and sighed, 'It's okay.'

'How are you?' Even asked, smiling with all the tenderness he was capable of.

'Better.' Isak whispered.

'Okay. Now sleep.' Even whispered too, and couldn't resist stroking his hair again.

He was so soft. And his body was so warm, he could feel it radiating heat everywhere around the room. Sharing it with Even's body.

'You should go home. I'm sorry you had to go through this,' Isak scrunched his nose, probably remembering how he vomited all over the car, himself and Even.

He was so unusually talkative, Even loved it.

'I want to stay here.' He said without a doubt.

Isak looked him in the eye, his face so open and gentle, as beautiful as ever, and uttered one simple word,

'Why?'

Even couldn't say why. Just because. Just because it was the only thing that mattered. _Staying here. With you. Nowhere I'd rather be._

'Because I want to.'

Isak kept looking at Even, their faces unbelievably close to each other since the moment Even bent over, to hear everything Isak whispered.

And then the boy whispered again,

'Don't be so nice to me.'

_What?_

So vulnerable. So lost. So hurt.

'Why not?' Even breathed out, mesmerised by the broken beauty in front of him.

'Because you will leave me too,' Isak sighed, looking away. He seemed lost in his thoughts, pain, guilt and resentment written across his face. He was remembering something, something bad and painful, something that had left scars on his angelic soul, making him who he was. Even wanted nothing more that to read his mind sometimes. _Who has hurt you? Who has left you? Did someone break your heart? Did someone convince you you're not worth the love? Was it your grandfather? Was it your mother? Or, perhaps, was it your first love? Your lover?_

'I will never leave you. I promise.' He said instead.

'You can't promise me that.' The broken boy whispered.

'I can. And I will never leave you,' He repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your support has been probably the only thing making me continue writing, as sad as it sounds. You gave me superpowers. Here's my tumblr, I made it for you, darlings. [smyonlyone](https://smyonlyone.tumblr.com/)  
> Everybody's welcome. And btw, I may be preparing a little surprise for you there, so try not to miss it ;)
> 
> Happy New Year <3


	8. Get well. Even.

Even left him.

He lied.

The next morning Isak woke up under Lea's weight. She was lying almost on top of him, except that her lower body was still on the chair. The chair that Even took just several hours ago.

Lea was heavy and he felt hot because of her body's heat and her breath, however he tried his best to both breathe and not to wake his sister. He never showed it, but he did love her. Even too much for his own good.

She was wearing a silly Teddy bear hoodie she used to put on only on bad days and when no one except Isak or her mother could see her. Lea had probably stormed out of the house, barely hearing that Isak was taken to the hospital again, and not even looking what sweater she was grabbing with her.

That was probably how it happened. Isak knew her too well.

When she woke up, he pretended to be asleep. He wasn't brave enough to look at her tear-stained face. It wasn't like he was going to die, but she always exaggerated things. If he showed her he was awake he would have had to talk, and he hated just the thought. He couldn't fix it; the worry he made everyone feel each time something happened to him. He was a loser. A boy, who attracted problems like a magnet. Not someone who could make his family proud. The only thing he was capable of was making his loved ones put on that expression of pity on their handsome faces every damn time.

This past week had proven enough. He wasn't dying or having some tough desease. He just had a weak immune system, which demanded good care and not a careless attitude Isak used to have towards his health. He had been sick three times this year - even less, barely six months had passed since the New Year - and there he was again in the hospital, on a water drip, but this time he had outdone himself. It was a disaster. Last night was a complete mess - with all the vomiting, crying and being all weak and subtle. Isak didn't know if he would be able to look Even in the eye ever again.

Even. That guy. Any reminder of him made Isak feel a whirl of emotions: fear, shame, attraction, flutter in his stomach, headache and shudder. Isak had been scared he would cast a spell on him, and that fear, apparently, came to life, otherwise the boy couldn't explain the shit that was happening in his head right now. He was ashamed of his feelings, and tried to get rid of Even's image in his head, and sometimes he succeeded, but everything inevitably circled back to that guy. What did he think about Isak being a sissy all the time? Was he helping Isak because he liked him as Lea's brother, or could there possibly be more? Did he love Lea? Did he kiss her because he was wasted or was that a conscious kiss? Had he ever noticed the way Isak flinched each time they touched?..

Lea came back later in the evening. She brought some fruits, chicken soup and rapsberry jam that Even had given to her earlier when he visited Lea yesterday. Everyone was away, except for her, and Isak bared her company only for fear Alex could have decided to drop by. And Alex wouldn't for his life risk running into Lea. To be precise, we wouldn't be _himself_ , somebody only Isak knew he was, when Lea was around. He wouldn't dare to open his deceitful mouth. For certain.

A week had passed since that night. It was time for the last check-ups, and Isak would be free to go. He was happy to finally leave the hospital, but at the back of his mind he was hoping that Even would visit while he was sick, at least once. It was a nice and innocent excuse for them to see each other again, and Isak prepared a whole speech, which was designed to restore his pride and dignity but it didn't come in handy. Isak would have never spilled this to anybody, but he stayed up late, even when his eyes were already giving out, in hope that Even might visit. Isak was thinking that maybe he was too busy to come by earlier...

But today was Wednesday, and Even was a liar.

'Wait here, darling,' His nurse said, walking away to arrange the next check-up. Isak nodded, fixing his robe, which was too short for his taste, and leaned on the register desk, squeezing his eyes and trying to remember the name of the movie they showed on the hospital TV. People were pacing back and forth, past him, and he moved further and further into the wall, clearing the way.

His eyes roamed the big noisy hall mindlessly, and then he saw Alex, opening the front doors.

'Shit, shit, shit!' He cursed, backing away, trying to hide behind the bushy plant that resembled a mandarin tree. Isak dove into the wall, ducking because of his prominent height, and trying to see what was happening in the lobby through the tree leaves. The thick foliage hid him well, and Alex didn't seem to notice him, because he came up to some nurse to ask for directions, looking around with a lost gaze.

Everything was okay, and Isak had already heaved a relaxed sigh, when Alex suddenly waved the nurse goodbye and headed straight to Isak's direction.

'Fuck...' He muttered, starting to panic. One thing was to meet Alex openly, and proudly tell him to fuck off, but completely another thing was to be caught in this position. He would laugh at him again, he would start all this fake caring shit all over again, he would have his power over him again, and he would...

Someone grabbed his hand and Isak turned around sharply, scared that he had missed something, and that Alex was already there, trapping him again, like on that day when he locked him in his car, and Isak was ready to shout at him, to hit him or something, when he realized it wasn't Alex. It was someone he had never seen before.

'What the-' Isak uttered, when the stranger put his finger to his lips, and, giving him a wink, moved to stand in front of the mandarin tree and blocking him from any other eyes, including Alex's.

'Good morning,' Isak heard Alex say, when he approached the desk. 'I need to see Isak Valtersen. Where's his room?'

The receptionist nurse replied, 'And you are..?'

'I'm his driver,' Alex said confidently. 'He's getting out today, I came to pack his things.'

_What a fucking liar. You shouldn't be here, you, asshole._

'Oh, okay.' The nurse muttered hesitantly. 'What is...'

'I'm Alexander Brickman. The second driver. You must have it on your system.' He responded blankly, and Isak could sense the impatience in his voice that only he could recognize.

 _Damn him._ Isak hated how well he still knew him.

'The patient is still going through the last check-ups. He'll be free to go in two hours.' The nurse said, typing something on her computer, when Alex interrupted her,

'Where's his room? I need to take his things to the car.' It came out visibly impatient this time, and Isak frowned, suspecting that something was up. He even wanted to leave his shelter and ask himself, but his pride was more important than his curiousity.

'Room number 41, on the second floor. Leave him something to change into, when he gets back.' The nurse replied quickly, noticing the queue that was starting to form behind Alex's back.

Isak didn't want to get back. Where was David? What the hell was Alex doing here?

'Thanks.' Alex mumbled, before turning around and crashing into the same exact man who helped Isak to hide.

'Sorry,' The man said cheerfully, rasing his palms in a consiliatory gesture.

Alex just frowned and bypassed the stranger, not paying him any attention and storming away, towards the elevator's open doors.

When the metal doors behind him closed, the stranger huffed a laugh,

'What a serious guy. Is it why you're hiding? Are you a runaway kid, or what?' He walked around the bush and glanced at Isak, his eyes crinckling with joy.

'N-no.' Isak muttered, lowering his eyes. The stanger turned out to be a young man, probably in his early twenties, tall, brown-eyed and handsome. And Isak was feeling shy again.

'Okay. Then why?' He asked teasingly and folded his arms, leaning on the wall. His eyes roamed Isak's body, took in his silly robe and his flushed face.

'I...' Isak started explaining, but his nurse decided to come back, choosing the perfect timing for once.

'Mr. Valtersen? Time for the next chek-up,' She smiled, gesturing to the corridor, waiting for him to get out of the corner, which turned out to be awkward and clumsy, as he did his best not to brush the stranger with any part of his body.

The man laughed, and Isak felt that laugh under his skin. He picked up the pace, shutting his eyes and cursing under his breath, because he was stupid and it drove him insane, he was mad at himself and at Alex and at that guy who made him feel shy and blush, and made him run. Again. Like he always did when he felt nervous.

'See you later, the runaway kid!' Isak heard behind his back, making him clench his fists and walk even faster.

 

* * *

 

 

He tried to prolong the check-ups, asking questions about his health that never interested him, asking for advice on how to keep his immune system strong, and the doctor repeated the exact same instructions she had already given him the last time and two times before, but he didn't care.

All he cared about was winning some time, maybe Alex gets tired and goes back to his car, maybe he even goes back home, and Isak would be able to give Lea a SOS call and beg her to pick him up? David was supposed to drive him home today, and who knows what had happened, he could have called in sick or whatever, all Isak needed was to avoid Alex. Today, and better, forever.

Someone knocked on the door, and the doctor stood up, gesturing Isak to follow her outside, showing that their conversation was over, and Isak almost whined, his ass glued to the chair, never wanting to get up.

'Come on, Isak, it's time to go. Don't be so upset. Let it be so, I will let you skip the rest of the week, but you have to go to school eventually.' She smiled, and gently pushed him out of the room, into the empty corridor, despite the little whiny sounds he was making.

He had no more excuses left. He had to go back.

Isak tiptoed through the corridor of the second floor, cautiously looking around for any signs of upcoming threat, and when he was sure that nobody was anywhere near, he raced towards his room, ready for everything and nothing equally. On the one hand, he was so sick of all this hiding and avoiding, but on the other hand, the shame and the fear overwhelmed him. If Alex kept being around him, the truth could come out. They both knew that, however, Alex was stupid and reckless enough to underestimate the danger.

When he opened the door, the room was empty. Alex wasn't anywhere to be seen, so weren't his bags. And his phone.

Isak walked around the room, only to be ensured that Alex indeed took away all of his things except for the jeans, T-shirt and sneakers, lying on the bed. The thought of _him_ going through his clothes made Isak shiver. And not with anything resembling want or desire.

He had to accept his fate. He was alone, without his friends or his sister, without his phone and trapped again. Alex always trapped him.

Isak sighed with all the sadness of the world and began changing. The flowers on the windowsill had already dried out but the envelopes with the wishes for the poor injured were still there, untouched and sealed. Isak carefully took one out of the rose bouquet, hissing at the feeling of thorns scratching his fingers.

There was a note inside the envelope, a simple white watercolor paper looking as if it was ripped out of a sketchbook.

_"You are much stronger than you think. Get well. Even."_

_Even?_

Isak hadn't seen him for a whole week. He couldn't have come. He couldn't.

He reread it again and again, not trusting his eyes. The roses were faded pink, a bit shrieveled at the tips, but they didn't look like they were brought here a week ago. He could swear they weren't here when he woke up on Wednesday. Which meant...

His heart was beating fast, and his stomach fluttered. A strange feeling of satisfaction spread across his body, and his mind was screaming, _he remembers about me, he cares about me!_ Isak was squeezing the note to his chest, smiling stupidly and giggling to himself like a teenage girl, who just got her first love letter, when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder,

'Hello, baby.'

 Alex.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short update. I'm working on my thesis, and needed to post now, otherwise I am risking to postpone it forever.
> 
> Love xoxo


	9. Why does everybody hurt me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uph... right off the stove. Unedited. Sorry :)

Isak needed less than a second to react. He turned around sharply, making a step back to get out of Alex's grip.

_I'm not your baby._

He stared at the man with fury; but Alex didn't seem to be even a bit surprised by Isak's reaction.

'It's time to go,' He said calmly, ignoring the boy's discontent. 

It made Isak even more angry.

'I'm not going with you anywhere!' He hissed through his teeth. Alex's shamelessness was pissing him off. How dared he?

'What part of "get the fuck off" you didn't understand?' Isak roared threateningly, clenching his fists by his sides and tensing from head to toe.

He was irritated as hell, his usual shyness evaporating and being replaced with pure anger. That guy was crossing the limits. Isak had to show him where he belonged.

Alex just chuckled, staying indifferent to Isak's annoyance, and moved closer, hovering over him, brushing his chin with the boy's cheek and whispering to him sweetly,

'It's time to stop being so grumpy, Isak. I know that you will never forget about what we had, no matter how hard you try to cover it up, running away from me. I know that I have always meant something to you.'

His heart started beating faster. His heart started to hurt, again. The feeling of deep disapointment that he managed to get over with time, shot him between his ribs, and he suddenly felt cold as if someone had spilled an ice bucket over his shoulders.

Isak knew how it felt to be left with nothing after they have promised you the world.

Alex must have felt his mood change, taking his weakened glare for a sign of gradual acceptance, because he dared to brush Isak's curls behind his ear and scratch his scalp gently, just like he always did when they were in the car, on the front seats, saying goodbye before Isak went to school.

The boy could not find it in him to brush Alex's hand off. Everything seemed so surreal and so familiar, it reminded him of the days he was weak and dependant on someone so much that he wasn't able make a step without their help. 

Because he had always been hoping for more. And at that time Alex promised him more. But he never gave it.

Isak hated that feeling. He didn't want to come back to when he was Alex's toy, putting his life and his will before his own. He wasn't that Isak from the past anymore.

The boy looked around with a lost gaze in search of some living soul that could save him. He couldn't move his limbs, and just stayed there, under Alex's intense stare, with Alex's fingers massaging his scalp, and with his warm breath on his cheek.

'I hate you.' Isak whispered weakly, his voice shaking, his body shaking, his fingers shaking, and not with hate. He was caught, he was trapped, he was finally reached by a hunter that dreamt of his flesh.

He was scared. Mostly of himself. He was scared of the risk of falling for Alex again. 

'The fact that you hate me so much means that you have feelings for me, you know that?' Alex breathed out, almost happily, as if finding the truth he had been looking for for a long time.

As if confirming his thoughts, the words dug deep in Isak's consciousness. "You have feelings for me... You have feelings for me..."

Isak did have feelings for him. That is why he tried to get rid of him. That is why he lied to Lea and made her hate Alex. He made her go to Dad and ask him to fire the man whom he loved. He made her think Alex got them into an accident on their way home, because he was driving drunk. He made her think the bruises on his body were from the accident. He made her think the cuts on his body were caused by an accident.

When they were the result of him volutarily hurting himself.

It was the day he would be endlessly ashamed of for the rest of his life. It was the day he wished he could forget about. It was the day he thought he was going insane.

It was the day he tried to kill himself.

The first and the last time.

And while Alex was anywhere near, the past would be haunting him forever.

***

After some arguing, Alex eventually managed to get Isak into the car.

'It was your father's order.' He said, punching him right in the stomach with one phrase. That was a low blow, the one he often used on the boy, one of the manipulations that had always worked on Isak. 

He wasn't so responsive to it anymore.

'Where's David?' Isak asked suspiciously, buckling his belt and shifting closer to the window. Still on the backseat, because he didn't trust Alex a single bit.

'He's called in sick. Forgive him. And don't fire him, please.' Alex said, looking at ease, the dimples on his cheeks showing off more, the sign of him being amused.

He was trying to play. It didn't fit Isak's mood.

'Too obvious.' Isak raised his eyebrows, hinting that he needed something more convincing than that.

'Well, you can call your father and ask him yourself.' Alex shrugged, putting his hand into his jacket pocket and getting out Isak's phone.

The boy swiftly snatched the phone out of Alex's hand, surprising him. The guy huffed out a laugh.

'Okay, okay. Do whatever you want.'

'What do _you_ want?' Isak whined tiredly, putting away his phone and folding his hands on his chest. 'I don't get you. Everything I do shows that I don't want to see you again, not as my driver, not as anybody else, then why do you keep bugging me?'

Alex kept quiet. He was looking at Isak absent mindedly, thinking hardly about something. He chewed his lip, took another second, and then replied,

'Because I want to be your boyfriend. Your partner. Your lover. Whatever. Fuck the terms. Just - ' He blinked at the boy with hope in his eyes. 'I just want you to be mine. I always have wanted it.'

_What._

Isak had to double check if his ears were clogged 'cause he doubted he had heard everything right. 

'What the hell are you talking about?' He shrieked. 'Are you high? Is this some joke? You better stop now.' Isak grabbed the door's hande in case Alex had lost his damn mind and he needed to run away.

'No, no!' Alex panicked, looking at Isak's fingers, clutching the handle. 'I'm dead serious! I can't stop thinking about you, and that - fuck! That drives me insane. After I was fired, I was thinking so much about why, how did I deserve this, we - we were so good, Isak, so good! And then I found out that Lea complained about me, and I knew it was you, I knew it, because I know you, but you didn't give me a chance to understand why! Just tell me, why? What have I done? I will fix it, I promise!' 

He was breathing hard, the words spilling out of him like a river, and it was the first time Isak saw Alex so restless and emotional. 

His own emotions were on fire. He was looking into Alex's deep green eyes, and was remembering the moments of staring into them before, when everything seemed so different, and when Alex was a dream, a hope, an inspiration and everything he thought about before falling asleep. But then everything changed.

'You are married, Alex. There's nothing to fix.'

***

Isak _did_ eventually pull the handle and run away, because he couldn't stand the dread in Alex's eyes after what he'd said. Alex was married. And anything that had happened between them in the past made no sense anymore.

The driver didn't even try to follow him outside, he just stayed there, half turned towards the backseat, staring into emptiness, and digesting the accusation.

Isak stormed into the hospital's backyard, hid under the apple tree and called Jonas.

'It's an SOS kind of call.' He uttered in a shaky voice.

'Got it.' Jonas simply said, not hanging up, and Isak heard him fumbling with his keys while his own eyes were filling up with tears.

Alex had hurt him so much. More than anyone, probably, because he had trusted the man with the most sacred parts of him. Isak had opened his heart, his soul, his thoughts, his desires to that one person. They had talked about a lot of things, and Alex knew him well. 

Alex was a role model for him. An adult that you want to take after, especially when you are young, naive and insecure. Someone who you fall in love with when they treat you right.

Terje betrayed his mother, taking Isak away from her. That stupid Victor took advantage of Lea. Isak trusted Alex with his life but Alex left him. 

_Just like Even will eventually do,_ he thought sadly, wiping the tears. _All men are the same_.

When Alex fooled him, Isak promised himself to never trust any man ever again. But then he met Even, and something felt different about him: he seemed so genuine when he showed his care, he never pressed on him and never made him do something he didn't want to. He always waited till Isak made up his mind, he always gave him the chance to express his wishes, _he always asked._

Isak wanted to trust him. He really did. And sometimes, he wanted more. More than the kind of trust friends have. More than what a younger brother and his sister's boyfriend might have. 

Even always said kind words. Even always promised him to be near, to never leave him. And Isak knew what it meant, he was not a fool. Even could not feel what Isak felt. And if he opened his heart and soul to that guy, if he let Even inside his bubble, he would become easy to hurt. When he opened himself to Alex, he gave him powers. Isak was afraid Even could do the same.

***

So when Even didn't call or text for two whole weeks, Isak didn't mind.

_It's only for the better. _He thought, looking at Lea's text, in which she was complaining that Even could not visit them again because he was busy with his studies.__

__Maybe he somehow realized that Isak might have feelings for him and decided to avoid him? Isak could believe this assumption, because Even's studies never got in the way of visiting Lea at their home before. Even had never declined the invitations, and being away for three weeks straight (counting the one while Isak was at the hospital), seemed too out of his character, and Isak wouldn't be surprised if he was right._ _

__Yes, that was probably true. He disappeared exactly after that horrible night, when the boy puked all over the person he liked and told him some sappy shit while being in an inadequate state of mind. Who knows what confessions he had made then? Isak didn't remember a thing._ _

__Two weeks had passed since Isak was released from the hospital. Alex hadn't shown his face since their conversation in the car. And it was for the better, because that day had shakened him a bit. He wouldn't deny it, it made him think about the guy again, it made him think about what they had. But not in a nostalgic-I-want-it-back kind of way. More like in an I-want-to-never-it-happen-again-because-it-left-cuts-that-are-hard-to-heal kind of way. The cuts that were still hurting despite the time that had passed._ _

__It was Tuesday and Isak was sitting on a football field, surrounded by his squad of friends during the lunchbreak._ _

__'What do you want for your birthday?' Mahdi asked Isak, stretching to grab the cinnamon roll from the big container that Magnus' Mom had generously baked and packed for her son and his friends._ _

__'Yeah, I was going to ask you the same thing,' Magnus agreed, mumbling with his mouth full. 'Are you going to celebrate?'_ _

__Isak didn't know if he wanted to. He wasn't in the mood. But still, celebrating his birthday was an opportunity to show his father that he actually had some other friends apart from Jonas. Terje had never seen any of his classmates in their house, because Isak never had them over. Isak never invited anyone to the Vicious Castle, because he was ashamed of it. He was ashamed of how big and posh it was, he was ashamed of the housemaids and the drivers-slash-bodyguards running around him like he was some treasure. He was ashamed of his richness. Magnus and Mahdi were just like Jonas, their families having middle income, their mothers cooking them lunch they took to school, their fathers repairing the furniture in the house when something was broken. When Isaks life was the complete opposite._ _

__Money was the main tool that could fix any problem in their family. Or almost any problem. Money couldn't fix _him_._ _

__'I don't know,' he said, scrunching his face from the direct sunlight. The weather was nice, it was finally summer in Oslo, and everybody in school was dreaming of the holidays awaiting them by the end of the week._ _

__'Lea kind of wanted to throw a small surprise party, so we gotta wait and see.' Isak said nonchalantly._ _

__His sister had been chasing him around the house since the last week, begging him to let her organize his birthday at least once. He had never let her do that before, mostly due to the lack of guests to invite, but now, when he got two more friends at school, Lea made her duty to make his birthday memorable for everyone._ _

__Isak was suspecting that she just needed another reason to invite Even over._ _

__He wouldn't mind if Even showed up, actually. Isak supposed that his feelings towards the guy were nothing but a blur, a breeze of attraction every teenager feels towards a beautiful person they meet when they desire to be loved by somebody. He had experienced it before. It was nothing new. He was over it. Definitely._ _

__So when his sister almost cried, accusing him of being a stone-cold asshole who cared about no one but himself, Isak finally gave up._ _

__She smiled and started jumping around like she wasn't furious just a second ago, and that was it. Lea was another manipulator in his surroundings, but unfortunately (not for her) he loved her. And she used it shamelessly, rewarding him with a loud smock on his cheek every time he gave up to her._ _

__'Oh, by the way, is your sister single?' Magnus shouted enthusiastically. Isak rolled his eyes at the same time as Mahdi._ _

__'Bro, no offence, but you're not her type.' Isak noted, sounding a bit arrogant on purpose. He needed to talk his friend off this stupid idea as soon as possible before Lea did it herself. Knowing her, she could make him never want to confess to any girl ever again._ _

__'What? Why?' Magnus scoffed, frowning. 'What's her type then?'_ _

__Isak stopped giggling, because now he could only think about Even._ _

__Even was her type. And Lea was his._ _

__'So what do you want for your birthday, Isak?' Mahdi reminded._ _

__'He already has everything, what else can we give him?' Magnus mumbled accusingly, and it made Isak laugh._ _

__Magnus was one of a kind._ _

__'What?' He frowned, when he saw the two of his friends silently laughing._ _

__'Nothing,' Isak bit his lip. 'I'd love your mother's apple pie. If she cooks it for me, I'll be the happiest man alive._ _

__Magnus's smile to these words could blind a blind._ _

__They finished their lunch and were about to pack their things and leave, when Mahdi nudged his shoulder,_ _

__'Hey I think Isabelle has been staring at you for a whole ten minutes, literally.'_ _

__Isak lifted his gaze up and was met with Isabelle's tired eyes._ _

__She looked bad. She had undereye bags, her skin looked pale and her frame seemed more fragile than ever. Was he... was he possibly the reason for it?_ _

__Then the girl looked away._ _

__'By the way...' Mahdi muttered hesitantly. 'Are you two in a relationship?'_ _

__'Who's in a relationship?' Magnus lifted his head off the blanket._ _

__'No one is.' Isak replied, following Isabelle's movement as she walked through the field towards the main building. She was so thin, Isak wondered how the wind didn't carry her away._ _

__Mahdi didn't lift a suspicious gaze off his face, even when he zipped his backpack and stood up, waving his friends to follow him._ _

__

__***_ _

__His ear tickled when a warm breath burned on his skin,_ _

__'You're so fucking sexy.'_ _

__Isak's breathing was speeding up more and more with every second of this sweet torture._ _

__'I can't get enough of you. I can't stop thinking about you,' he whispered to another ear, sending an impulse somewhere low to the stomach, making him feel something completely new, something he had never felt before._ _

___This is it,'_ Isak thought, or tried to think, because his mind was clouded with desire and _him_ , leaving no place for common sense. _ _

__Isak wanted him. Isak wanted him so fucking much._ _

__'Even...' The boy whined weakly, his knees giving out. Even was quick to catch him by his waist, pressing him against the wall, putting his leg between Isak's, making him feel their closeness _everywhere_._ _

__'You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Both in and out...' he exhaled right into Isak's open mouth._ _

__They probably looked obsene, both going crazy for each other and burning with pure lust, forgetting about everything in the world. What would his father think if he saw them? Oh, God, oh, God, oh..._ _

__'Oh!' Isak mewled, when Even bit his ear. He was not ready for this. Fuck, he was in no way ready for this! He was going to be such an embarrassment._ _

__'So sweet,' Even laughed, but even his laugh today was seductive as hell._ _

__'Even...' Isak repeated, grabbing him by his jacket, because there was no strength left in his body, he was going to fall any second._ _

__Even hummed in approval and bit Isaks upper lip, receving another aroused sigh from the boy, who was already fully trembling in his arms._ _

__'M-m-m. My sweet boy. My angel. My kitten.' He was almost roaring to his mouth, his slightly aggressive tone contrasting with the sweetness of his words, and to Isak's own surprise, he realized it was the hottest thing that he had ever heard in his life so far._ _

___If he lays me in bed right now, I will never regret saying "yes"._ _ _

__Even moved his both palms to hug Isak's face, then looked at him with so much hurt in his eyes that Isak's heart clenched._ _

__'What's wrong?' The boy muttered, still high from the touches, but sobered up by the sudden change of Even's mood._ _

__'What happened? Tell me,' Isak demanded, suddenly feeling scared, when Even kept saying nothing just looking at him with the deepest sorrow._ _

__'Please...' Even finally whispered, caressing Isaks cheeks with his thumbs. 'Please...' he started peppering his face with small gentle kisses, pressing his nose to Isaks skin, tracing the outline of his lips, and making him wet with tears._ _

__'What?...' Isak tried to push Even away to have a look at his face, when,_ _

__'Forget him. Please, forget him, and choose me. I will make you so happy,' Even sobbed into his neck, scratching on his collarbone, 'I will do anything, just be with me.'_ _

__Isak tried to push him away again, when Even reached for the boy and pressed his lips to Isak's and finally kissed him._ _

__It was a bliss, making out with Even. Their mouths moved smoothly, synchronized in speed and pressure, tounges brushing gently at a slow and lazy pace._ _

__Even was kissing the boy's upper lip till it became swollen from all the sucking and biting..._ _

__And then Isak woke up. He woke up in his own bed, aroused, with his pillows all wet from tears and spit, and with a strange feeling as if the kiss in his dream had already happened to him before._ _

__In real life._ _

__It was his second ever wet dream about someone he knew in person, and both of that dreams included Even._ _

__Shit. Isak was so fucked._ _

__The door to his room creaked and Isak quickly pulled the blanket over himself, hiding the signs of his wet dream, and scooted closer to the wall._ _

__It was just Lea. It was his sister. A blond mop of her hair appeared in the door opening, then he saw her eyes, carefully scanning the room, and then she finally noticed him._ _

__'Fuck,' She muttered, opening the door and coming inside. 'I wanted to surprise you.'_ _

__'No doubt,' Isak rolled his eyes._ _

__Lea made a sly face, her eyes crinkling playfully, and Isak knew what was coming. He covered his head right when his sister jumped on him with her 52 kilograms of skin and bones, squeezing the air out of his lungs._ _

__'Fuck,' he cursed, as her elbow crashed against his stomach._ _

__'Oh, sorry,' she muttered, sounding genuinely apologetic, and rolled off him onto one of the clean blankets (thankfully) that was lying nearby. Isak curled into his favourite dirty blanket, so she wouldn't touch him._ _

__'So,' she said, when her brother finally stopped moaning at the pain, most of which was a pretense, of course, and she knew it. 'Brother. I promised you a surprise party. You still remember about that, right?'_ _

__'Did I?' Isak scratched his forehead, holding back a smile._ _

__'Erm, yeah! Don't you dare not come, baby mole!' She punched him on his shoulder disapprovingly. 'I organized a small private party especially for you and your classmates. As you ordered.'_ _

__'Okay,' He just agreed._ _

__'Yeah?' She beamed. 'Cool! I wanted to wear my new Dolce dress but couldn't come up with an occassion that was worth it. Thanks!' She kissed him on the cheek and got out of his bed._ _

__'I also brought _you_ something nice to wear,' Lea wriggled her eyebrows, pointing at the paper bag on the floor that wasn't there a moment ago, he could swear._ _

__'So be ready by 6 in the evening, we'll head right there! And,' right when Isak opened his mouth to probably object to something, she quickly added,_ _

__'I already contacted all of your friends, they will meet us at the party!'_ _

__Yeah, okay. He didn't even have to talk today, Lea had already decided everything by herself. Still, as much as he didn't want it, something bothered him._ _

__'Is Even going to come?' He asked quietly, averting his eyes and trying to sound as indifferent as possible._ _

__Lea's face expression saddened immediately and she stepped back inside the room, fumbling with her fingers. 'Well, I don't really know. He hasn't replied to any of my texts. And calls. His Mom says he's sick, but it was a week ago. So... they asked me not to come, although I wanted to. Apparently the same flu that you caught at Rita's house that got you into the hospital. Which is...erm, quite contagious.' She shrugged, and the look on her face made Isak a little bit annoyed at the guy. Was it so hard to write a small text back? They were sorta friends if not dating. She deserved a fucking text._ _

The thing is, Isak didn't believe that he was sick. At first he was "busy", and now this. It wasn't so simple, no doubt.

__'Well if he is such an ass, I don't want him to come.' Isak said arroganly, folding his arms. 'We can have some fun without him.'_ _

__Was it what he really meant when he was staring at their empty chat twenty minutes later?_ _

__Even's name was written so boldly at the top of the screen that Isak's eyes almost hurt._ _

__Should I write him? Will he reply?_ _

__No I shouldn't. And he won't._ _

__Right._ _

_It's my birthday today. And you can come if you want. I will be happy to see you._

__Too intrusive?_ _

__He deleted the last sentence._ _

__Now it seemed too dry. As if Isak was mad at him. Which he was. But showing it was too scary._ _

_Lea will be happy to see you._

__Should he send it?_ _

__Yes._ _

No. It was _his_ birthday, and _he_ was inviting Even. 

__He closed the chat and opened it again a hundred times, not less._ _

_Lea and I will be happy to see you._

__That's better._ _

__Is it?_ _

__And his heart threatened to jump out of his chest when he touched the send button._ _

__Too late to regret._ _

__Isak stared at the text bubble, waiting for a notification of delivery._ _

**Delivered**

__Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._ _

__He was going to faint any minute._ _

__It was hard to breathe. He had bitten all his nails off. And it hurt._ _

__Was it possible to somehow cancel the sent text? Isak was ready to spend all of his money if it was possible._ _

**Read**

__Isak squealed and his phone fell out of his hands, cracking right against the surface of the tiled floor._ _

__Fuuuuuuuck. He read it!_ _

__Isak was scared to turn his phone around and not because his screen was probably shattered into tiny pieces._ _

__But because Even was replying._ _

__Fuck._ _

__Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles._ _

__Isak's pulse was racing._ _

__Even was persistantly writing something, and Isak waited._ _

__Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles._ _

__And then nothing._ _

__Bubbles again._ _

__Nothing._ _

__Isak waited for another five minutes, but there still was no answer._ _

__And no bubbles. Even stopped writing, and Isak's heart sinked._ _

__He checked his phone again, an hour later, while having dinner with his sister. No answer._ _

__What was going on?_ _

__Was he going to come?_ _

__'Are there so many congratulation texts that you can't stop replying even for a minute to finish your meal?' Lea laughed._ _

__'Erm... kinda.' He lowered his eyes._ _

__Even didn't even wish him a happy birthday. He could do at least a simple text with two words, if he didn't want to come._ _

_I hate that you ignore me. I hate that you never came to visit me at the hospital. I hate you. And I think I might like you,_ he wrote, never intending to send it, of course. 

__He would have never voluntarily sent those emotional words to Evem. Never in his life._ _

__But he should have deleted them before accidentially brushing over the send button._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is [smyonlyone](https://smyonlyone.tumblr.com/)


	10. The bithday boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently a freshly graduated unemployed girl with a huge passion for writing. Nice to meet you.
> 
> P.S. Again, excuse moi for my English

The house had been empty since the moment Isak was released from the hospital. Their parents were still in the States, and the two of them, him and his sister, had the whole house for themselves. Still, Isak was against the idea of celebrating his birthday in the Vicious Castle. He wasn't ready to open up so much. This house was the last border that divided his darkest secrets from his friends. At least Isak was hoping to start calling them friends soon. He wanted them to like him to the extent that they wouldn't care how much money he had, or how wacky he became anytime anyone came close to his bathroom. His bathtub, precisely...

He was scared.

Isak never looked at his phone again after spending half of the day waiting for Even's reply. He put it in Lea's purse and tried not to think about the disappointments that always happened to him, whenever he desired something that wasn't designed for him, in any possible universe.

***

'You look so handsome,' Lea smiled, fixing his collar. 'I wish you would dress up more often, this pretty little face deserves to be accompanied by good clothing.'

Isak just rolled his eyes.

'Go faster, I really need to pee.' He wriggled, bouncing from one foot to another.

'I'm so glad you finally allowed me to choose your outfit', she laughed, kind of ignoring his silly behaviour, but not really.

Yep. He dressed up for once. And it wasn't because Even could show up. Of course not.

He was wearing a grey polo shirt and light blue jeans. And some light grey adidas sneakers. And he didn't look good. He didn't. Well, maybe just a tiny little bit.

'Okay, go.' She pulled him by his shirt and kissed him wetly on the cheek, making him frown and run away before she could notice his content smile.

He went out into the reception of a posh hotel they often used to visit for their family friends' weddings and was almost knocked down by a hotel staff member. The reseptionist desk was quite busy, and there were a lot of people pacing back and forth, with flowers and gift boxes on the luggage trolleys. There were seriously dozens of trolleys, overfull, some of the boxes were falling out right under the passerby's feet.

A wedding? Probably. They must be rich as fuck, judging by the decorations and the scale of a celebration.

It seemed like today was going to be quite a noisy day, but Lea promised him to find a quiet room with a karaoke and a bar, so he didn't worry about stumbling upon some people he didn't want to see and...

'Are you possibly Isak Valtersen?'

Isak's heart jumped at the unexpected noise and he turned around sharply. He saw a tall woman, supposedly a news reporter, judging by a microphone in her hand and a cameraman behind her. They were filming him.

Fuck.

That was probably one of the scarriest scenarios that could have ever happened to him in this life.

'Are you?' The reporter repeated, giving him a fake smile.

'I...' Isak stammered. He didn't understand what was going on, why on Earth would someone interview him here.

'I have to go.' He squeezed out barely, stepping away from the reporter, looking at her with fear, visibly shaken by the encounter.

Then he turned away and started running. He ran and ran, his urge to pee long forgotten, and stormed back into the dressing room, shutting the door with force and sliding against it down to the floor. The door closed audibly, and Lea jumped away from the mirror, rounding her eyes at her brother.

'What the fuck...' She exhaled, glaring at him.

'Why the fuck are there people trying to interview me?!' Isak squealed at his sister.

'What?' She frowned.

'Lea?!' He demanded. 'What is going on?'

'What do you mean? I don't understand.' She shook her head.

'There are fucking reporters in the hallway! They know my name? And they tried to film me?!'

'What are you saying...' She turned around, examining how hot her ass looked in the silk fabric and smiling approvingly. Then she looked at Isak again and made a bored face, 'This is a closed party. Only special guests. There can be no journalists.'

'Lea!!!' He squealed and the girl jumped, surprised by the sharp sound. 'What?!' She hissed.

'A fucking reporter just asked me if I was Isak Valtersen and wanted to interview me! Come on! Turn your brains on and tell me what the fuck are we going to do!'

'Are you serious?' She frowned. 'Why would someone from media be allowed to film in this hotel? It's a media free zone.'

'Another word of doubt and I'm going to burn all your Chanel dresses, I swear...' Isak roared. He was so scared and desperate. His birthday was turning into hell from the very start.

'Why would there be report-...' She paused, frowning. 'Fuck.' Lea cursed. 'Fucking fuck.'

'What?' Isak frowned back at her, slowly standing up.

'Stay here,' Lea mumbled, grabbing her purse from the couch and opening the door. 'Don't walk out before I come back.' She added, before closing it in front of his face.

He didn't understand anything that had just happened. Lea always did this thing when she left him abruptly, lost and confused, at the most inappropriate timing. Feeling the need to sit down and take a breath to ease his anxiety, Isak went towards the couch and buried himself in a soft towel, despite being fully dressed. He closed his eyes and tried to relax, but no breathing exercises helped, because at the back of his mind he kind of guessed what was going on. And it in no way could make him relax. Apparently, he wouldn't be able to celebrate his birthday peacefully tonight.

And when later Lea came back with David, who had a suit and shoes hanging on his wrists, Isak knew that his guesses were right.

***

'And that is my dearest son, Isak. Isak - Louis, Louis - Isak.' Terje gestured at him, when he and Lea approached his father in the main hall, full of dining tables and flowers, with waiters and rich guests pacing back and forth, the first ones in search of empty glasses, the other ones in search of food and familiar or not so familiar faces. Here, in this stressful place, Isak was surrounded by dozens of hostile eyes, the eyes of spies and snitches. That is how he called everyone working for his grandfather. Alex included. That particular enemy was standing in the opposite corner of the room, scanning passerbyes with a view to any possible threat. Isak quickly averted his eyes, scared to meet his.

'Oh, I'm so happy to finally meet the young heir! Your father had been keeping you a secret for so long!'

Isak blinked. What? The secret? Is he talking about _that_ secret... Does he know that he is an illegitimate son?

Terje laughed nonchalantly, but Isak wouldn't be his son if he didn't notice a hint of nervousness in his voice. He was glad he wasn't the one who got shook by what had been just said. 'It's his seventeenth birthday. Time to shine, I guess. Some day we all have to admit that our kids are all grown up and need to have an independent life of their own.'

_Then why the fuck no one bothered to tell me about this fucking concert in my honour?_

'Remind me, why should I believe that you had no clue this was going on when you brought me here this evening?' He hissed through his teeth to Lea, who stood right beside him.

'I swear to all the Gods,' she whispered, biting her lip.

'You are not religious,' he rolled his eyes.

'Well, right now I'm about to become,' Lea whispered.

The man that Isak was just introduced to extended his hand for a handshake, 'Really nice to meet you. Happy birthday from all our family.' Isak shook his hand, and the man smiled even brighter. 'Lana, where's the gift?'

A young girl, probably of eighteen or so, short, dark haired and pretty, started fussing around, looking for something in her purse, and, when she found nothing, her cheeks coloured bright red. She lifted her dark eyes at Isak and mumbled, embarrassed, 'Uhm...I-'

'I have it!' Isak heard a voice from behind Lana and next thing saw a tall yound man, dark-haired, with the same big dark eyes as Lana and the same easily blushing cheeks. 'I'm Jason, by the way, Lana's...'

'Lana's brother,' Isak finished involuntarily.

'Right,' The boy smiled, tilting his head a little.

Isak just stared at him stupidly, and the boy's smile grew even bigger. 'Here you have it. Your present,' he said, opening his hand, inviting Isak to take it, and it took him a whole minute to digest the invitation.

'Oh,' He managed to say, taking the small velvet box. 'Thanks.'

Isak was acting nervous around pretty people and that handsome young man wasn't an exception. Jason was looking at him with a joyful expression and it didn't help him to regain his cool. _Why are you staring at me like that?_ , Isak was thinking angrily.

'Why don't you try it on?' The boy asked, probably trying to kill him today, and his father nodded eagerly, almost clapping his little fat hands with joy, looking like a true circus seal. His children definitely took after their mother, however she looked.

Everybody was staring at him and he was about to start shaking.

Jason opened the box and there was a beautiful circled emerald pendant, hung on a white gold chain, an expensive neck jewelry, with an "I" carved on the middle gem. It was shining insanely beautifully in the light and everyone, including Isak, gasped.

'You need to try it on, like right now,' Lea stated, betraying him.

The brown-eyed guy nodded, coming closer to him confidently, and Isak backed away, not ready to give up his personal space, when Louis tried to calm him down,

'Jason's going to help you. It has a tough lock, cause it's quite an old piece of jewelry, last renovated fifty years ago by a French billionaire that died not long ago. He left no heirs. His heritage was being sold out, with all the money going to mental decease fund, that is helping young people across the globe to cope with their issue. Not trying to boast but Lana managed to get it at the royal auction this May in Marceille. The original emerald stone with a carving belonged to a young favourite of the King back in 1650-es. His name was Isaac and he was claimed to be a boy of undecribable beauty and story-telling talent. The King spent nights listening to his made up tales, some of them even became the national french fairytales.'

The story sounded so fascinating. There once was an Isaac who got this stone from a King that... probably loved him? It seemed so. It sounded so romantic that Isak made a step forward, wanting this necklace on himself. Jason quickly removed it from the box and put in on Isak, walking around him to lock it around his neck.

Then he bent a little to match Isak's heght and whispered to his ear,

'Don't believe when my father tells you it's Lana who got you this necklace. It was me. And he is just trying to sell her to your family.'

'What?' Isak frowned.

'Erm... Do you realize that this so-called-celebration of your birthday is practically a bride fair?'

'What??' Isak turned to look at Jason in disbelief.

'Shhh, don't overreact. Play it cool. I'm still trying to fix your necklace.' Jason pushed his head away gently. 'I mean, look around. There are dozens, if not a hundred of young girls that dream to become your wife in the future. Just wait and see. Next year you'll be turning eighteen, and judging by your grandfather's mentality, you won't be a free man for long.'

Cold shiver went down his spine. He had never thought about it before. There was not a single hint from his grandfather, except that... He was coming to their place more often than usual and now this thing - this birthday party [rather a reception for the richest families in Norway], which no one spilled about, probably knowing that he would avoid it at all costs... He was in deep shit, and there was no doubt left that Jason was right.

'Done!' Jason stated, letting go of Isak.

'It looks amazing,' Terje said. 'Thank you very much, Louis.'

'Oh, thank Lana, she's the one who came up with the idea. She is a very thoughtfull young lady, always thinking about the people that are important to our family.'

Lana's cheeks were red, and Isak looked at Jason. The guy lifted his eyebrows and rolled his eyes as if saying "I told you".

'And what happened to Isaac?' Lea asked. 'I believe King's favourites are fated to live surrounded by envy and enemies.'

'Oh, he was unfortunately sent to prison, accused of the Queen's murder. Some modern historians claim that the Queen was murdered by the King's former lover, who was jealous of Isaac. It must have been hard for a flower boy like him to survive in prison. They say the King tried to free him countless of times, but the court threatened to accuse them both of same-sex relationship, which would threaten the King's right to the throne. Which was quite doubtful, as their relationship was believed to be platonic due to no evidence of them actually having a physical contact of any sort, even a simple embrace. Though this story is quite tragic, I find it really endearing, with all its purity and honesty. Just two souls admiring each other, despite the dirt of rumours surrounding them. Some historians, again, believe that the King actually released Isaac from the prison, making everyone believe that he was dead. But if you ask me, that would be a good movie script, while in reality such stories rarely had a happy ending. It's worth recalling the case of Anne Boleyn... '

So, Isaac ended up pretty bad. Is there any hope for _Isak_ to end up well?

***

'Look that way, no, a little to the right, see that girl in red dress? ' Jason said an hour later, right after Isak came back from the stage, where his grandfather hugged him and called him "the best possible future heir of "The Valtersen Group"". Pure show for the public. He just sat back at his table, stressed out and tired of the constant attention, and while his knees and fingers kept shaking, Jason was trying to distract him by talking, and Isak was thankful. All of his friends were sent to sit at the other table, quite far from them, but the fact that his grandfather let them stay without any scandal was enough for Isak to try to enjoy this evening as much as he could enjoy the forced change of his plans.

'Yeah,' Isak whispered, not really listening to his new friend.

'She has prepared the most expensive gift for you. She thinks you'll be hers if you accept it.'

'Mhm.' Isak hummed.

'She wants to present you her virginity.' Jason stated nonchalantly.

'Mhm...' Isak hummed again. 'Wait, what?'

'Yeah,' Jason laughed. 'I heard that she told her parents she's giving you a trip to the paradise island but that's the code name for her kitty.'

'Kit-... wh-'

'Forget it,' the guy giggled. 'You're still a baby.'

'I'm not,' Isak sounded insulted but that only cheered Jason, 'Have you ever had a girlfriend?'

Isak choked on his drink. The guy was watching him with a smirk, brushing his dark curly bangs with his fingers back behind his ear. He looked like a fucking model and it was pissing Isak off.

'Just as I thought. What about a boyfriend? Have you ever had one?' Jason asked, sipping on his shampaigne, clearly amused by their talk.

'Why would-... Why are you asking me this?' Isak squeaked, his heart beating like crazy in his chest, his thoughts racing, when Jason replied,

'No worries. Just joking.'. Jason patted him on the shoulder and moved deliciously smelling meatballs closer to the boy, encouraging him to eat.

Different people were coming onstage and wished him a happy birthday, presenting their gifts to his family and obviously trying to top one another by the cost of it. They didn't forget to mention their daughers, of course, and even their sons, considering that Lea was also in the room [still unmarried and kind of single], and Isak was already fully yawning for the pleasure of Jason, who was laughing at almost everything he said or did.

'It's already bed time. Babies need to sleep.' He murmured, biting his index finger.

'Oh, fuck off,' Isak laughed.

'I'm glad we've already reached that stage in our relationship where you can curse at me and I won't even blink.' Jason mumbled.

'What's next? You're gonna follow me around, trying to become my best friend?' Isak joked.

'Maybe,' Jsaon shrugged.

'Mhm, sorry, but that seat is tak-...' He swallowed the words when someone new came to the stage.

'I'm sure that person can move a little,' Jason murmured but Isak wasn't listening. Someone caught him off guard. Every noise around him became a background, only for a person than stood in the middle of the stage, in the spotlight, holding the microphone. He fumbled with the wire nervously and made a couple of steps forward.

'Hi,' he said, and his deep voice traveled across the large room, echoing against the walls. Isak felt weak in the knees, in the arms, in the head. Everywhere.

'Good evening. My name is Even,' he continued, his bright blue eyes wandering around the room, looking for somebody in the crowd of tables, flowers and white fabric. Isak was internally screaming to get his attention but the guy was too blinded by the lights to see anything in the audience. 'I'm-I'm Isak's and Lea's friend. Although... although we met not so long ago, I believe that my congratulations deserve to be heard by the guest of honour.'

Isak could not shift his eyes away from him. Even looked amazing. Isak had never seen him in a suit before, and today was a revelation: Even could look even hotter than usual, although Isak thought it was impossible. Maybe it was just that Isak hadn't seen him for three weeks and missed him like crazy, missed him so much, that every part of Even seemed perfect, only if he stayed reachable and close. Only if Isak could see him. Two weeks of trying to convince himself in his own indifference towards Even turned out to be a waste of time.

'Isak,' Even addressed him, and that loud voice cut his hearing and his heart into pieces. 'I'm so honoured to be able to be here tonight. I'm honoured to have your friendship, or at least I hope to call it friendship soon. I know that when you're seventeen it's hard to understand what you really like or what person you would like to be or even what job you would like to do in this life.'

Isak could swear he heard his grandfather cough.

'So I wish you to try as many different things as possible, to understand what you really want. Legal things, of course,' he added, making the audience laugh.

Thu-dump. Thu-dump. Thu-dump. His skin was tickling, his brain was buzzing and the only thing he could compare this state to was being high.

'Erm... And I actually didn't bring your present here, it will be waiting for you at home.' Even said shyly.

'Come on, tell us!' Someone shouted, and Isak knew it was Jonas. His best friend was obviously too clever not to notice how down Isak was feeling these past few weeks. He never uttered a word but Isak felt it in the way Jonas looked at him from time to time.

'It's just too large to bring it here,' Even justified himself, clearly regretting talking about the present in the first place. What could it possibly be? Isak immediately felt intrigued and started making assumptions. _A toy? If so, Even might be thinking I'm a child. And that's no good. No, maybe that's a bike? Wrong, Even knows that I'm not allowed to drive. Embarassing. What could Even give me, when I already have everything I could ever need and even more?_

 _Love,_ his mind whispered, and Isak's cheeks momentarily lit up.

_Shut up._

'You are an amazing brother. You are an amazing son. I want you to always remember that you have people that care about you no matter what happens.'

Isak was afraid to breathe and miss something important. _Tell me you're one of them._

'Me and your sister will always be by your side.'

 _Me and your sister. Me and your sister. Me and your sister._ The words kept repeating in his head while Even was going down the stairs to the sound of applause, and the world started spiralling around him. Was it a fucking statement? Was he dreaming or did Even just hint that him and Lea are... together?

Even got back down into the dining hall and was immediately locked into Lea's arms. Isak didn't notice her leaving the table, was he able to notice anything while his whole being was focused only at one point at the stage?

He brought her closer and started actively whispering something to her ear, while they went deeper into the mess of tables and people. And while everyone was staring at Isak, at the birthday boy, his own gaze was following the outline of Even's soft blonde curls, disappearing into the darkness, farther and farther away from him.

Even's strong arms on Lea's waist. Her tenacious fingers, digging into his hair, their passionate kiss in the middle of the dancefloor. The memory was already blurry in his imagination but the parts he remembered well were still vivid and haunting him both in sleep and while he was awake. Like right now. He was so done with this useless suffering.

'You know,' Jason shifted a little closer to him, so that his father couldn't overhear them. 'I think that a pretty boy like you shouldn't be the one who hides in the shadow.'

Isak frowned, looking back at him, not missing the "pretty boy" part, which kind of confused him, while Jason pouted slightly, as if being offended by something Isak did.

'I wish you could look at me the way you look at that polished guy. I'm your saviour, actually. And it kills me that you don't remember me, because our reunion tonight was planned to be romantic as hell.'

Isak just kept staring at him.

'At the hospital. I helped you hide from that creepy guy. By the way, I think I've seen him today, was staring at me like I stole his money or something.' He chuckled. 'Remember me now?'

Yes. He remembered. And when he told Jason about it, the air between them changed. They were sitting closer to each other, Isak noticed, and Jason's fingers were slowly moving towards his hand on the table and they both held their breaths. Isak removed his hand and lowered his face, not knowing what to do.

'I know what you need. I've known it from the moment we met.' He was bold, and Isak didn't like it. He was irritated, because it reminded him of Alex.

'And what do I need?' He asked sceptically.

'To be taken care of.' Jason smiled.

'I'm all fine by myself. I'm not a child.' Isak grumbled.

'That's not what I mean.'

Terje was invited to deliver a speech as a company's director, and they were left completely alone at the darkest table of the hall.

'You need someone to kiss you. You need someone to touch you. You need someone to take you. And that guy you were drooling over isn't going to give you that, because he's fucking blind. But I can.'

Isak looked at him, and all the growing hatred towards the guy was suddenly gone. He was curious. He was kind of intrigued. But he still couldn't say a word.

'You don't need to do anything. Just say "yes" and I will take care of everything else.'

Isak didn't know what that "everything" included, and it still sort of scared him. He looked around, searching for any sign of Even, probably because every time he felt vulnerable, his soul was demanding his presence.

'Isak, look at me,' Jason pleaded, touching his chin with his fingers and gently turning his face to meet his eyes. At the back of his mind Isak questioned if someone could see them, but it was so dark that they could kiss and no one would notice. Wait. Since when did it become an option at all?

'I like you. Since the moment we met two weeks ago. And the present I got you: I was hoping you'll get the hint. Lana didn't buy it in May, it was me, me, who couldn't forget about your pretty face, it was my stupid ass that flew to Marceille and bought it for you.'

Jason moved even closer and Isak could feel his hot breath on his cheek. 'I'm not asking you to love me. I'm not blind and I saw the way you looked at that guy. I'm offering you something better.' Their fingers intertwined under the table, when Jason broke him, 'I want to make you feel good, the way you deserve to feel. An angel like you should be enjoying himself and not suffering because of a guy that will never give you the true pleasure. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm gonna show you the heaven, where you belong.'

Isak made out a sound that surprised even himself, and Jason smiled devishly. Did he just moan? What the fuck?

'Come with me,' Jason whispered, taking him somewhere behind the closest velvet curtains.

After a couple of turns along the tight corridor, they entered the faintly lit bathroom. It smelled good inside, probably because of the scented candles on the sink.

Jason, being tall and quite broad, leaned on one of the sinks and unbuttoned his collar. He was wearing no tie, and Isak could see the small dark hairs that covered his chest. It was both charming him, considering he had never been with a man alone like this, and making him anxious by the same reason. Isak still didn't feel calm around Jason, he didn't fully trust him, despite the sweet words, and all the people he had at the back of his mind - his Dad, his sister and Even - kind of shaming him for what they were doing here, for what they were about to do, and moreover, he himself didn't fully understand what they were about to do...

'Stop thinking, just come here,' Jason said softly. 'I'm not going to do anything you don't want to. Let's just talk.'

Talk? Why did it feel like the situation demanded no words? Wasn't Jason sort of undressing just a second ago?

The guy must have noticed him staring at his chest with wide eyes and covered his face with his palm,

'Jesus, I'm not going to fuck you in the toilet, Isak.'

Isak swallowed. The words sounded so brutal. So unusual to him, to someone who had never done anything more than holding hands and kisses on the cheek.

'Come here, baby. Let me hug you.' Jason cooed, extending his arms, and after a couple of hesitant steps, Isak finally fell into them, feeling the hardness of his chest muscles.

_Isn't it what I needed? Cuddling a handsome, sexy man, feeling the hardness, everywhere, where girls are soft? Feeling the stubble and hairs where girls are smooth and bare, being the one who was taken care of, instead of taking care? Is it why I was so obsessed with Even, only because he's a guy? Just a hot guy who was often around and treating me well? Isn't it the same as being with Jason? Isn't it just my hormones and teenage lust?_

Jason turned them around and now it was Isak who was leaning against the sink, Jason hovering over him. The guy was tall and strong and just a second later Isak was already sitting on the sink, being caught by the back of his thighs and placed on the cold white surface. Isak was getting aroused. It was a gamble, a risk and a secret. They were a secret and it was exciting, they were doing something hot, and it was exciting.

'Tell me what you like. Tell me how you like it. I'll do anything you ask me to.' Jason whispered, tracing the outline of Isak's upper lip with his thumb.

'I don't-... I've never-' Isak stammered.

'I know,' Jason laughed into his neck, biting it a little, causing Isak to moan shamelessly. 'Can I kiss you? I can't hold back anymore, you're so fucking pretty,' he almost roared, pressing him even harder into the sink, pressing their bodies even closer. 'Say "yes", please, I'm begging you...

There it was. Everything laid out for him. An opportunity to be kissed and touched. Making his dreams come true. A chance to be loved, whatever kind of love it was, or was it just lust, he didn't quite know. But there was something. Something real. The physical feeling and not just some miserable makeout session made up by his imagination, while he was lying drunk in stranger's bed.

Jason was real. However, something was wrong. He wasn't feeling the way he was supposed to feel when the choice he was making was right.

He was mortified.

Isak turned his head away, closing the access to his neck, and Jason moved away a little, frowning, 'What's wrong?'

'I-...' Isak uttered. 'I don't think I want this.' It was barely a whisper, because he was afraid to make Jason angry with the refusal. Isak removed his hands from Jason's waist and shifted a little, turning his head to the side. His eyes were watering, and he couldn't exactly explain why he was so emotional about this, why this situation caused him so much discomfort, he wasn't a child, he was a seventeen-year-old bloke with sex needs, which could be satisfied right at this second...

_No._

Jason's hands on his thighs became something foreign, something that didn't belong on his body. Isak felt utter disgust towards himself. What was he doing? He was going to regret this for the rest of his life. That was not how he was raised. That was not how he wanted to be treated. He didn't want to be taken by a man he met three hours ago. He was not a slut, not an easy boy to be giving himself to a man who wanted nothing but his body!

'Hey,' Jason made a step back, creating a space between them, with only one of his palms staying on Isak's shoulder, 'Are you crying?'

Isak was so ashamed, and yes, he was crying. Weeping, actually, and the absence of Jason's body on him was not comforting, he was feeling the guilt. The guy wanted him, and Isak was not ready for this.

'Shit, this was a mistake. I'm sorry.' Jason immediately let go of the boy and moved even farther away, scratching the nape of his neck in discomfort. 'Please, just don't cry.'

Deep down inside he was hoping Jason would cuddle him, try to calm him down, considering the soft promises he had been giving him the whole evening, but the guy turned out to be not ready to take the responsibility for what they were doing in the dullness of this bathroom.

'Relax, okay? I wasn't going to do anything you didn't give me permission for! I asked you,' He stressed, fixing his hair and his shirt. 'I think I should go. You're fine?' He asked, ready to leave. The guy was irritated and visibly nervous about the situation they got in, and Isak thought that he might be scared to be seen with a young boy crying his eyes out with his suit all wrinkled and his hair messy. The scene was obviously compromising him in the worst way, and the guy hastened to escape. He looked Isak in the eye one more time before nodding and hiding behind the bathroom door, leaving Isak one-on-one with his sorrow.

The silence that came in Jason's place was deafening. Isak was still trembling, little sobs escaping his throat every few seconds, and he suddenly felt cold, despite the layers of clothing he was dressed in today. Barely lifting his limbs, Isak got off the sink and looked in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy, his lips were the same red and curved into a grimace of pain. He couldn't recognize himself in that reflection of someone small and broken. Nothing had happened. Nothing. But his body had betrayed him again.

Isak turned on the tap and washed his face with cold water. He was still letting out small sobs here and there but overall his state was bearable to be able to try leaving this stupid bathroom and find a way to his dressing room, where he could hide behind the dressing curtain and calm himself down. Anybody could enter this place any second, and why hadn't they thought about it before making out on the sink?..

The door opened sharply, hitting the wall, and Isak turned around, welcoming the intruder.

'Here you are,' Even exhaled in relief, coming closer, to where Isak's face could be seen better in the dim lights of the ceiling lamps. 'I've been looking for you everywhere.'

Even's hair was coiffed nicely, with a small strand falling down his forehead, making him look like a movie star. The suit that hugged his shoulders in the most delicious way possible. And his face. His beautiful blue eyes and kissable lips that Isak used to dream about biting into the other night...

Isak was in love with him. Isak was in love, no matter how wrong and hopeless it was, and there was no point in denying it now. No other man, no matter how hot he was, could be able to touch him the way he wanted to be touched as long as he was in love with Even.

'What's wrong?' Even frowned, noticing him purse his lips. Meeting Even here, at this spoiled place, right after what happened, was just too much.

'You heard my speech and it touched you? Is that it?' Even joked, squinting his eyes, trying to see him better. 'It's okay. I meant it.' He made two more steps forward and Isak backed away, squeezing himself into the corner between the sink and the towel shelf, resting against the wall and lowering his face. He tried his best to hold back the tears. The shame was eating him alive.

'Isak, you're scaring me.' Even muttered. 'Are you okay? Are you in pain?' He was trying, trying hard to be the person he is, the kind, the caring, the perfect...

'I'm okay,' Isak managed to whisper, lifting himself up on his elbow a little and coming back to the light so Even could see him smile. A broken smile, but it was something.

'Did someone upset you?' Even asked, not daring to come closer or touch him. He was patiently waiting for an answer as Isak was regaining his energy.

'No,' he hiccuped.

'Is it because I haven't talked to you for so long? I'm so sorry, Isak, I came here today partly because I knew I had to apologize. I was sick. I was really sick, and you can't imagine how bad it felt not being able to call you or see you. I promised you a lot of things and yet I couldn't come and support you. I know. I'm sorry, and I'm not asking you to forgive me.'

His guilty tone, his honesty - Isak felt it. But it only made it worse.

Even cared about him. Even if not the way Isak wanted him too, he still was a good person. And that annoyed him madly. Because that good person would never be his.

'It's okay. I forgive you.' Isak whispered, and it came out confident, because he was _confident_ about this, but only about this. He would never be able to hate Even.

'Yeah?' Even smiled happily. 'Fuck, Isak,' Even cursed, finally coming closer, as if Isak's forgiveness was the only thing that was holding him back from being close. 'I was-... I was so down and then that message, it literally brought me back to life. I can't believe this really happened, you know, I thought I was imagining things, and even for a moment I was about to give up, but now I know how stupid it was, now I know that everything was for a reason, me going on that dinner with our families, even me meeting your sister...'

_What are you talking about? Why are you talking about my sister, again, when we're alone and there's nobody except us, why do you keep talking about others while it is me, who's with you right now?_

Why, why on Earth was this happening to him? Why did Even come here to talk about his sister, when he, the stupid and miserable Isak, was going through an existential crisis, crying over him like a child who had lost someone he loved dearly?

So he blew up.

'You want me to bless you and my sister? Well, you have my blessing,' Isak groaned through his teeth, pushing Even away and walking past him towards the door. He went into the corridor, stomping heavily, and headed straight to his dressing room, dreaming of locking the door and crying himself to sleep on the soft sofa. He could hear Even's quick steps somewhere behind him and his distant voice, calling for him, asking him to wait, but Isak only went quicker, putting on pace, and finally reached the desired door. He jumped inside and was about to close it, when Even put his foot in between the door and the wall and pushed it open, appearing right in front of him with all his height and masculinity.

Isak's knees literally buckled. He almost tripped over his own feet to the floor, but Even caught him by his waist, reminding him of the dream he had recently.

 

 

> _**Isak wanted him. Isak wanted him so fucking much.** _
> 
> _**'Even...' The boy whined weakly, his knees giving out. Even was quick to catch him by his waist, pressing him against the wall, putting his leg between Isak's, making him feel their closeness everywhere.** _
> 
> _**'You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Both in and out...' he exhaled right into Isak's open mouth.** _

The memories he made for himself were filling his mind. He was about to lose it.

'Hey, hey, got you,' Even uttered, supporting him, while Isak attempted to stand back on his feet.

Embarrassing.

The boy quickly got out of the embrace and moved away. His heart was dancing in his chest, and the butterflies suddenly realised they were alive and well, making him feel undescribably soft tickles all over his body and especially in places where his want for the man in front of him could become obvious to the sight.

'Isak, I don't get what's going on. Please, talk t-,' He stopped abruptly, and Isak looked at him, only to witness the way Even was staring at his neck. Isak froze, and Even extended his right hand and moved his collar a bit to the side, inspecting the skin underneath. Isak just stayed where he was, not understanding, what Even wanted from him.

'What is this?..' Even muttered, frowning. Isak frowned, copying Even's expression, and turned around to have a look at himself in the mirror.

His neck was bruised where Even just exposed his skin to the light, and it looked bad. Like, really bad, and obvious to everyone in the room what could be the cause of such a bruise.

'Isak,' Even called, making Isak slowly turn back to facing him, 'What. Is.This.'

Isak opened his mouth and closed it a couple of times like a fish removed from the water, dying and suffocating, and Even closed his eyes, pressing his lips together in an attempt to sustain his cool. Then he looked Isak right in the eyes and uttered emotionlessly,

'Who did this to you?'

Isak panicked, not really knowing why. Was he obliged to justify himself to Even?

'I can fucking see the teeth marks he left on you,' Even roared, backing away from the boy and clasping his hands in fists by his sides. His posture looked threatening.

How did Even find out it was _him_ and not _her_?

'Was it the guy you were sitting next to at the dinner?' Even asked, not letting Isak to break eye contact, as something dark and unpredictable coloured his eyes. He was furious but tried to cover it up for the sake of them both. He was ready to burst with anger, but something in Isak supressed it.

Isak kept quiet while Even was staring him down, but they needed no words. Even was quite able to put two and two together.

'I'm so stupid,' Even howled, sinking his fingers into his hair and pulling it nervously. 'Fuck, I'm such an idiot, so stupid. I should have guessed right away when I saw you crying in the bathroom. And I saw that bastard walking out the corridor, looking like that, all fucked up.' He was pacing around the room, touching his neck, his face, rubbing it till it became red and cursing, cursing as if being obsessed by something scary.

Then he stopped, straightening up, and brushed his hair off his face,

'I'm going to kill him.'

_No..._

Even looked determined and Isak knew he was serious.

'No, Even...' Isak said weakly and followed him as Even was about to leave the dressing room.

The guy turned around, holding the door open, and shook his head, exhaling deeply,

'I'm so fucking sorry, Isak. I swore to protect you but I couldn't.'

'He didn't do anything,' Isak pleaded, grabbing Even by his elbow, begging him to stay.

'I may not have known you for long, but believe me when I say this: I know that you are a genuinely good boy. You care about people and sometimes you care about those who don't deserve your care. This is the case.'

It was no good. Even was furious enough to do something reckless and stupid, and no persuasion seemed to be convincing enough to make him stop.

Isak had to choose between his own pride and Even's safety. The choice was obvious.

'I wanted it,' Isak almost shouted, contributing all his desperation and all his insecurities, spitting the words out with all his fears, which he'd been gathering and keeping inside for all these years.

Even stopped in his tracks and turned to look at the boy, frowning, 'What?'

'I wanted him,' Isak repeated confidently, while his insides were fully trembling. He just admitted that he liked boys. He just basically came out. In front of Even. In front of someone he liked.

'You wanted... him?' Even was staring at him in disbelief.

'Not exactly,' Isak muttered shyly, folding his arms, feeling discomfort because he knew they _had_ to talk about this, and obviously not for the last time.

Even closed the door slowly and then as slowly turned around, as if deviating between walking out and staying. He then approached the boy, who had already moved towards the vanity to create safe distance between them, and chewed his lip for a moment before looking at Isak. Although Even came closer, he didn't speak. He just stood there, waiting for Isak to continue talking, and Isak felt his nose sting once again. Even looked... hurt? As if Isak had betrayed him, hurt his feelings, and Isak didn't like how guilty he felt about it. Even was disappointed in him?

'I just wanted to be kissed,' Isak whispered, lowering his head. 'I just wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.' He exhaled.

Even didn't move a single bit. He kept quiet for a moment before saying,

'Did he...I mean, kiss you?' Even asked.

_What?_

Was it the only thing that Even cared about? Was he still pure and not dirty? Was he a disappointment or still a good boy he just said he was?

'No?' Isak frowned. 'Is it so important?' He grumbled, shaking his head.

'And you're saying you don't know what it feels like to be kissed?' Even chuckled. 'You should drink less, you know.' He chuckled again, but this time it was a dark and mischevious laugh, and Isak was fully confused now.

'You're playing me,' Even said bitterly. 'Why are you playing me, Isak? Why do you keep fooling with me?' He moved closer, cutting the space between them with one step of his long gorgeous legs. His hair was a mess, falling over his eyes and his reddened cheeks, his pupils were blown and angry, his face determined and undescribable. 'Teasing me with the message, and now treating me like I mean nothing to you?'

Tension got super-high between the two of them. Their eyes were locked on each other, both of them waiting for something, for a move, for a word from another, but neither of them dared to speak.

Then everything changed for good.

'Fuck, just come here, baby,' Even whispered, pulling Isak by the neck for a kiss.

To say that Isak was shocked would be an understatement - he was dumbfounded. Even put his arms around Isak's small frame and locked him inside, both protecting him from outer world and not letting him run away. Even was kissing him fiercly, and Isak didn't really know what to do - with his own lips, with his tounge, with his teeth, but it didn't seem to bother Even at all. He just kept pressing him into the vanity, and in mere seconds Isak was already sitting on top of it, kicking all Lea's makeup off to the floor.

The position was a direct copy of what they did with Jason today in the bathroom but it could in no way be compared with making out with Even.

He couldn't breathe, too ocupied with a breathtaking feeling of Even's lips, hands and skin on his body, and when the guy grabbed him by the neck again only to start covering it with wet kisses and love bites, Isak moaned like the most shameless lady of pleasure in the world. His body was on fire and he was constantly repeating to himself, _Wake up, wake up, wake up..._

'You're not dreaming,' Even barely managed to make out, parting their lips only to touch his upper lip with his thumb and pull it to the side, enjoying the sight of his pretty gapped teeth. 'And don't you ever say that you want another man when I'm standing right in front of you.'

 

> Three bottles of Tuborg. Or more. Truth or dare on the beach. Isabelle. Even, Lea, leaning on him in the most obnoxious of ways, his laugh. The way he was watching Isak talking to Isabelle and the way it excited him - the possible jealousy, though he knew he made it all up in his mind. Isabelle's set-up. The embarrassment in front of everyone.
> 
> Another three beers. The music. The lights. Even. Even. Even. He was looking for him in the crowd of dancing people, and he was leaning on Even's shoulder when they were watching the fireworks... and then...

Isak already knew what it felt like to be kissed. He didn't need some Jason to prove it to himself, because he had already been in someone's arms. It was him. It was Even. And Even was kissing him _again_.

They were both panting into each other's mouths every time they needed to take a breath, their chests pressed tight, Isak's fingers clutching Even's biceps so hard like he was afraid Even would leave him if he let go. Even peppered his cheeks with kisses, his hands were touching Isak everywhere he could reach, but only where it was acceptable on this stage of their kissing. He didn't want to rush things despite Isak's obvious impatience, which only enflamed him even more. He was holding back. They kissed, and neither of them cared about the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is [smyonlyone](https://smyonlyone.tumblr.com/)


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